Thank you all for your replies. I got quite busy after I posted this message. I agree that it could be good for me not to be "focused" on this illness. At the same time it just feels like it's preventing me from healing. Although me depressions have decreased, I worry about crashes or experiencing burn out. So LFW I will take your advice and add that take care of me part more and more throughout each day and see how that goes.
Serafena, I hope you are well. Would love an update. I am missing the counselling/someone to talk to part of my bp life. With my job I don't have any benefits (hard to believe) and so we'll just have to see what happens with that. Work actually leaves me feeling completely exhausted for the week so that's something I struggle with.
Diskus, I am taking Lamictal. And if the Risperdal doesn't cut it, we will be increasing my stabilizer. Definitely have to up my efforts on my mood charting so my pdoc knows what we need to do.
Thank you all.