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needinreassurance
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 10/15/2008 1:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello all, I hate to meet all of you under these circumstances, but greetings anyway!  I have been married for 5 years now.  My husband has bipolar disorder and was recently diagnosed officially about a year and a half ago.  He has been on Depakote for about that long, and Prozac for about 2-3 years (his doc just thought he had depression initially).  He has ALWAYS been adamant about taking his meds, up until 3-1/2 weeks ago.  I had gone camping with some of my family that weekend (which I had done often enough with no issues), and when I came back I don't know who I'm living with!  He is having a manic episode, and has been since I got back.  He also "forgot" to take two days of his Depakote while I was gone.  I have never experienced a manic episode with him, depression yes, but mania no.  Ever since then he says that he's been going to the doctor and pdoc, and that they want to wean him off the Depakote and then start him on something else.  I honestly don't believe that he's been going to the doc at all, that he is just enjoying this euphoria and making stupid choices.  I honestly believe that he's also having an affair as well.  Not to mention spending money right and left and having nothing to show for it whatsoever. 
 
Anyway, since I have finally been educating myself on the disease it is SO apparent that he's in a manic state right now.  He's distant, hardly ever home, then mad the next minute, accusing me of doing things behind his back when all I'm doing is staying home taking care of our 6-year old son.  And reading everything I can on BPD.  I just don't understand what caused the complete 180 for the two days I was gone!  Our relationship was great before, no stressors that I know of occured!  Unless of course he dabbled in drugs and that induced this.  I have no idea.  I of course want to help him, and honestly feel that 3-1/2 weeks is nothing compared to some of your stories of years!  I guess I just need reassurance that I'm not alone in this, because some people can be very non-compassionate about this disease.  Thank you for listening! =)

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/15/2008 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi needinreassurance,

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. This crazy disorder can turn on a dime like that. And if he's stopped taking his medicine, it's especially likely. It's not fair to you, and it's deeply uncomfortable for your husband, no matter how much he seems to be enjoying it right now, he is going to crash. Is he at all responsive to you right now? Will he listen if you tell him you're fairly certain he's having a manic episode and needs to see a doc ASAP? Tell him you'd like to go to the doctor with him if he'll allow it, even if you just sit in the waiting room while he goes in. That way you're sure he's truly seeing his doc.

As to the affair, I'm really sorry, I wish I could offer some comfort. You don't say how you know this is happening, but it's only been a couple weeks. Have you confronted him about it yet?

You're definitely not alone. There are dozens of spouses going through more or less exactly what you're struggling with and I'm really sorry to hear it. Stay with us, keep writing about how things are progressing.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


lostwife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 10/16/2008 1:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. My husband's been gone for about 4 weeks now. Has his own place and relocated my stepson to a different school. We've been together for years. I have two sons of my own who feel abandoned as well. It's so painful. We are so lucky to have the forums to gain some understanding from. It has been the biggest therapy for me, to know that I am not alone, because I have been left so often. Prior to his leaving, my husband, too was acting strangely. He started drinking every night, smoking pot while he was away most of the week for his job, and doing God knows what else. It's like he was waiting for me to do or say anything wrong to give him an excuse to leave. I have these recent memories of being out camping with him, laughing and loving each other. Being a family. Now he's gone. He's left me so many times before but every time, it hurts just the same. I too, am deathly afraid that he has been seeing someone or is now, or engaging in bad activities. He calls once a week for stupid things, happy happy, to show me how he's definitely moving on and making things happen...I think it's to punish me. All I did was love him. I don't know what I did to deserve what I am going through. I'm sure you probably feel the same. Everyone around him has this attitude now that it was a bad marriage because, "look at him, he's so happy now". Of course, he left me with the mortgage, credit card bills and everything else, sure he's happy. Financially, he's great and I'm destroyed. Just sitting around with sever bronchitis, waiting for divorce papers, not ever knowing when they're going to come. It scares me. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

tyanna
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/16/2008 2:51 PM (GMT -7)   
My heart goes out to you both - I have watched my sister in law live with my brother for the last twenty seven years and get treated the same way. Both my brother and I have bipolar and couldnt be more different, I cannot be around him as I find him very unsettling and hurtful. His wife on the other hand we all love dearly but cannot understand why she has stayed with a man that has humiliated her periodically and dangled love like a carrot over the years. I know he has his demons and if I had ever seen one glimpse of humility or even an attempt at trying to help himself I would have been there for him but all Ive ever seen is arrogance and a life lived in denial.  I wish strength and peace to you both and I do believe it will come. Live life in peace and contentment and be happy with simple pleasures x

fast1toochase
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 10/18/2008 7:58 PM (GMT -7)   
HELLO I AM A NEW MEMBER I HAVE NEVER USED MESSAGE BOARD BEFORE LOOKING FOR ADVICE

I JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR 1 AND ON MEDS FOR about 6 MONTHS. I JUST CANT BELIEVE ITS TRUE. I WANT TO TEST THE WATERS AND STOP MEDS, IF IT DOES NOT HAPPEN AGAIN THAN MAYBE I'M NOT BP.

twisted71
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 136
   Posted 10/19/2008 12:31 AM (GMT -7)   
((((hugs)))) I am sorry also that you are going through this. I don't really have any advice or anything comforting to say that hasn't already been said. I just wanted to let you know that we are all here for you and welcome.
AJL
 
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!


cantgoback
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 10/19/2008 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry to hear of your troubles. As someone who is bipolar II, all I can say is that sometimes I can not control my impulses or moods. They can be unpredictable and come out of nowhere. Fortunately for me I am starting to be able to recognize when they are coming on and warn my spouse that I am having a problem. I have been fortunate enough to be able to get to a counseling session fairly quick after I do have an episode. And this board seems to be a great place to express my feelings. I hope your husband comes home soon, and you can help him. This must be very difficult for you....

lostwife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 10/19/2008 11:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you tyanna. You described things very much to my situation, but he tried treatment for almost 2 years. I don't know. I can't cry- scared it's going to hit me all at once and I don't know what I'll do. It almost killed me 2 years ago when he did this. I'm not even thinking that I'll ever see him again right now, because, truth is, I really don't know. He said he's getting a divorce, so that's what I tell myself every day. I feel so much loss- feel destroyed inside, but numb at the same time. Love him so much.

needinreassurance
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 10/20/2008 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
lostwife said...
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. My husband's been gone for about 4 weeks now. Has his own place and relocated my stepson to a different school. We've been together for years. I have two sons of my own who feel abandoned as well. It's so painful. We are so lucky to have the forums to gain some understanding from. It has been the biggest therapy for me, to know that I am not alone, because I have been left so often. Prior to his leaving, my husband, too was acting strangely. He started drinking every night, smoking pot while he was away most of the week for his job, and doing God knows what else. It's like he was waiting for me to do or say anything wrong to give him an excuse to leave. I have these recent memories of being out camping with him, laughing and loving each other. Being a family. Now he's gone. He's left me so many times before but every time, it hurts just the same. I too, am deathly afraid that he has been seeing someone or is now, or engaging in bad activities. He calls once a week for stupid things, happy happy, to show me how he's definitely moving on and making things happen...I think it's to punish me. All I did was love him. I don't know what I did to deserve what I am going through. I'm sure you probably feel the same. Everyone around him has this attitude now that it was a bad marriage because, "look at him, he's so happy now". Of course, he left me with the mortgage, credit card bills and everything else, sure he's happy. Financially, he's great and I'm destroyed. Just sitting around with sever bronchitis, waiting for divorce papers, not ever knowing when they're going to come. It scares me. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.  How long were you dealing with it before you guys separated?  Was he the one who wanted the separation?  I agree, the forums have been and I'm sure will continue to be a lifesaver!  I have also been immersing myself in literature about it, I can't believe I hadn't done so up until this point!  But then again nothing like this has ever happened with him, either.  It just leaves me with so many questions! 
 
One good thing is, though, that he actually went to a new doctor this morning with me (I didn't go IN with him, just waited in the waiting room).  They put him on a new med, can't remember what it's called right now, nothing that I've seen on here.  Starts with an S and is a combo of mood stabilizer and antidepressant in one.  So I REALLY REALLY hope that he takes it serious and takes it!

needinreassurance
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 10/21/2008 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
They put him on Symbyax. Anyone ever tried this? Any feedback would be very welcome!

lostwife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 10/21/2008 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
We've been going through this for six years. He left 6 months ago for a week. It was a short mania. He's rapid cycling with a severe mania every 2 years. He was hypo manic (which was bearable because he's really into me during that time) about 2 1/2 months ago. He then went into the booze, then into the chewing and pot and then into the smoking too. It was one argument about equally disciplining the children. He punished my 15 year old son over something minor (not getting the bathroom perfectly clean) and I asked him why it was O.K. for his son (I never refer as my son/your son by the way) to not clean his room after we asked for 3 days He mashed food in his carpet/furniture and would leave the dog on the bunkbed so she would urinate on it and blame everyone else- it was HORRIBLE!!!! I was also having issues with him being cruel to the animals (he through our pregnant dog through a window and caused her to go into labor). Remember, my husband was working out of town all week. He was cussing and slamming his head against the wall until he split his forehead open. I have been the only real mother figure to this child since he was 5. I care about his well-being as much as my own. I guess I triggered him when I tried to tell him my concerns because he just saw it as me being "ugly" to his son and his son was always being treated unfairly. ANYWAY, he pulled this b.s. when he left me two years ago...my dog, my stuff, my son, my this, my that. Divided our family completely. When this conversation started, he flew off the handle and started screaming at me saying how horrible I was. We barely talked for almost 2 weeks, though I tried to break the ice in a gentle manner. But even before the argument, he started obsessing over his drumset. His co-worker quit to go tour (playing drums) with a famous rock group. All of the sudden, he's making comments to the children, "if you ever want to do ANYTHING in life, do it before you get married and have kids". Then came the obsessive drinking and banging on the drums all hours of the night. Very little contact with the family at all. SO! Sorry, I'm ranting on, anyway, it's been about 5 weeks now since he left. Let me tell you one thing about myself, I am a very soft-spoken, non-nagging person. I let a lot go past me and am too forgiving (let people walk on me) probably because I was horribly abused by my first husband. His family always told everyone how good I was for him because I am kind, and a good listener. I really have tried in every way to be loving and supportive, but I think I could have been perfect in every way and it would not have mattered.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/21/2008 5:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi needinreassurance,

Symbyax is a combo drug of two very popular drugs -- Zyprexa and Prozac. I have never tried symbyax or zyprexa, but I know many people on this board have. Prozac I have tried. I'm not sure it relates to your husband's medication though, as it's not part of a combo. :) I hope he returns to the place where he's willing to take his meds religiously again and snap out of this mania. It's a terrible thing. Good luck.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/21/2008 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Lostwife,

There's a lot to read between the lines of your post here. You are clearly soft spoken and let people walk all over you, but I think you've done it so long it's caused a great deal of damage. It's time you got yourself some therapy to clean up your own life a bit. You can't continue to let your husband walk in and out on you like this -- I don't care if he is bipolar, it's still not okay. You don't deserve it, no one deserves to be treated the way you are allowing yourself to be treated. The fact that you act as though it's just what is expected is heartbreaking. I know you love him, but I think a little medical attention of your own might show that you are in fact pretty depressed yourself and in need of REAL support from professionals.

be well,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


lostwife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 10/21/2008 8:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, Serafena. I'm actually going to my doctor on Friday and am thinking about going to counceling soon. I've been fortunate enough to make some new friends who have helped me emotionally and spiritually as well. I have had so many people ask me how many other women he might get with down the road do I think would put up with what I have. I don't know, but it sends a pretty strong message. I've been horribly ill with bronchitis for the past 2 weeks, too, which really didn't help with my ability to cope mentally either (thank god I feel much better today). I stopped in briefly to the gym today to pick up a schedule. It was my therapy when I was going through my first divorce and I met so many great people. I'm going to start tomorrow.

I hear things, but I'm really coming to the understanding that I cannot worry about what he may or may not be doing if I want to be healthy. I got really down for a few days so my mother (who came here to Arizona from Montana to help me) went to the health store and got a concontion of natural seratonin and some other things. They really seem to be helping and I don't take anything else. Talking a lot helps a lot too. I have a friend who I've been talking to who I met on another forum who understands and it's been a really good experience. You can never have too many friends! Thanks for caring! I'm really trying!

needinreassurance
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 10/22/2008 10:21 AM (GMT -7)   
serafena said...
Hi needinreassurance,

Symbyax is a combo drug of two very popular drugs -- Zyprexa and Prozac. I have never tried symbyax or zyprexa, but I know many people on this board have. Prozac I have tried. I'm not sure it relates to your husband's medication though, as it's not part of a combo. :) I hope he returns to the place where he's willing to take his meds religiously again and snap out of this mania. It's a terrible thing. Good luck.

serafena

What is not part of a combo?  Sorry, I'm confused. :)

needinreassurance
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 10/22/2008 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
lostwife, if you would like to swap e-mail addresses, it sounds like we have quite a bit in common! :)

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/22/2008 10:28 AM (GMT -7)   
put email addresses in your profiles, not on the board, please. Thanks!
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


needinreassurance
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 10/22/2008 10:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Serafena, okay, will do. Did you see my earlier question to you today?

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/22/2008 10:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh sorry, I missed that. I just meant that my experience with Prozac might not relate to your husband because I took it as a stand alone pill, not as part of a combo med.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


needinreassurance
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 10/22/2008 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
serafena said...
Oh sorry, I missed that. I just meant that my experience with Prozac might not relate to your husband because I took it as a stand alone pill, not as part of a combo med.

serafena

He actually started out just taking Prozac, before he was diagnosed with BP and put on Depakote along with the Prozac.  Seemed to work just fine up until a month ago when this all started.  I have never seen him this out of control and bad.  I really hope that the Symbyax (31mg) and Depakote (25mg) works for him, and that he's adamant once again about taking them!  I think the plan is to work out the Depakote, but not sure.  It's amazing to me how fast this episode came on, and how it hasn't died down yet!  He hasn't been getting much sleep at all for a month now, he has GOT to be exhausted! 
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