I just want to quit!

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twisted71
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 136
   Posted 10/20/2008 6:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Quit taking my pills, quit being depressed, quit being bipolar and quit feeling like crap. My meds aren't working, they're making me feel worse. I can't stand the crawling/jumping out of my skin feeling. I hate having no energy and not being able to do anything. I hate being irritable. I hate being close to tears all the time. I just hate everything right now. Nothing seems to be going right. My health just sucks and I can't even go to the gym without being totally worn out. I wish I was never diagnosed so I wouldn't have to be taking this stupid medicine all the time. I am on the verge of crying today and I don't even know why. I hate this feeling. I hate all of these feelings. I would just like to be normal. I feel like I am in the middle of an episode but I don't know what kind. I also feel like I am cycling, going from mood to the next several times today. I've been happy, sad, irritated and angry. I was frustrated now I kind of feel defeated and deflated because I know there is nothing I can do to change any of this and I don't know how to control all of these feelings or how to make them go away. I am just really confused right now.<!--sizec--><!--/sizec-->
AJL
 
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 10/20/2008 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   
twisted,

That sounds like a mixed-episode. I usually feel like ripping my skin off, during those moments. They are the worst, you are having a manic and depressive episode at the same time. You should try to talk to your pdoc about it asap, they can be very dangerous. I think that is the most unstable of kind of all the episodes. Especially if your meds don't feel like they are working, something needs to change. I have had a few in my life and they are the ugliest, so try to get it taken care of as soon as you can. Hang in there and please don't stop your meds.

Olivia
Olivia
Bipolar Co-Moderator


Only by seeking challenges can we hope to find the best in ourselves. ~Robert Rodriguez

Don't let your yesterday ruin your today.


twisted71
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 136
   Posted 10/20/2008 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Olivia. I had a feeling it was a mixed episode. I have had them before just not this bad. I want to scream and yell and I want to hit something and yeah, I would like to rip my skin off too. I won't stop taking my meds until I talk to the doctor but this is just so darn frustrating!
AJL
 
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/20/2008 8:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh, twisted, please don't stop your meds. It definitely sounds like a mixed episode, and they can be the hardest to treat, so you're going to have to call on your last stores of patience too. I'm so sorry to hear it. (((Hugs)))

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


fast1toochase
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 10/20/2008 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   
It was great reading your post.  thats exactly how I feel at times, you just worded it perfectly.  to hear another person going through this helps because it shows me i am not crazy.  I also thought about just coming of my meds, just because of the painful feelings.  After the great advise given to me from people on the message board, I gave it a second thought.  Dr's and social worker strongly suggested that coming of meds would be a deaster and end up in hosp.  go to your dr's and tell them what's going on and they may change up the meds.  I am on Lamictal, abilify, seriqual, and Klonipin  it seems to help.  As rapit cycling happens they up my Lamictal and Seriqual, as days and weeks go by it seems to work... For today!  thats all we have is today! 
 
I wish you the best and make a good desisition, from what others have told me its not a good idea to come off meds.
 

twisted71
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 136
   Posted 10/20/2008 9:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Serafena, don't worry, I won't stop my meds without talking to my pdoc.  even though I really want to right now.  I think what is causing all this right now is the abilify.  since I started taking it 3 1/2 weeks ago, things just haven't been right.  I talked to my pdoc a few days ago about it and she lowered the dose but it doesn't seem to have helped.  I sent her a text message last night and I am waiting for her to call me back.  hopefully she will soon.

fast1toochoose, It's funny because I am one of the ones who told you not to stop your meds and now here I am wanting to do the same thing.  and yes, we all feel the same way at one time or another.  And it is nice to know that there are others out there who share the same feelings.  Thanks for your reply.


AJL
 
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/21/2008 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Okay, good. We really do all feel the same sometimes. Some nights when I assemble my handful of pills (10 in all) I just want to say "forget it, how can this be worth it," especially because despite all that I STILL don't feel all right. And it's even worse when an episode kicks up, so hang in there. You will be okay again.

(((hugs)))

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


twisted71
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 136
   Posted 10/21/2008 8:58 PM (GMT -7)   
I talked to my pdoc and she is going to take me off of the abilify Thank GOD! She just wants me to take it a couple more days while I am increasing the risperdal again then I can stop. And when I am more stable on the risperdal we can try something else. It all just really sucks.
AJL
 
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

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