hi i'm whitney. and im new here.

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whitneyymariex3
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/26/2008 12:04 PM (GMT -7)   
hi my name is Whitney. I'm 16. I've lived with my mother my whole life, and never really had my father in my life. I was raised by my mother, my aunt, and my grandparents. Looking back, my whole life has been odd. My mom is a recovering alcoholic. My Mom has not yet been diaginosed as bi-poilar. But, i believe she is. She goes into long periods of rage. She gets angry over stupid things. Like i missed about an inch while mowing the lawn. Or somehow it was my fault that the dog peed in the house when i had just put her out and shes very sickly. things that are clearly not my fault. Right now, i live with my aunt because my mom had a really bad episode about a week ago. but, im used to it. it may not be normal, but its my normal. even though i know i shouldnt be missing my mom, and just want to get out of my house. i want to be home with my mom making sure shes okay. i love her. when shes not manic or depressed. shes my best friend. she refuses to admite she needs help. everything is everyone elses fault, not hers. typical. can someone tell me how to help her get help?

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/26/2008 1:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Whitney,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. I'm sorry you're in such a sticky situation. You sound very mature for a 16 year old. Unfortunately there is not much you can do but continue to pressure her to see a doctor. If she ever threatens to hurt you or herself, you can call 911. But there is no "involuntary commitment" law that let's you take someone to the hospital against their will. They have to be suicidal or homicidal for that.

What do your aunt and grandparents think about this? Are they willing to help you try and convince her to get help? Once she calms down after her rages, does she get apologetic? That's a good time to say, "I think you need help, Mom. Your rages are coming more frequently, it's not normal." She'll resist and be angry, but if you're brave enough to try it, it might work sometime. She could see either a doctor or a psychiatrist (best choice) or a counselor to help her deal with her anger issues.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/27/2008 12:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Tegretol, apparently is a medication which will calm the rage issues. A GP or better yet a psychiatrist could help, alot.

LTSFB
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/27/2008 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all,, hugs to my niece Whitney.  She is living with me now.  Her Mother won't acknowledge at all that she has a problem and says everything is Whit's fault.  Whit's a good kid, she's a teen but very mature for her age,, she's had to be.  Her biggest faults are she can get mouthy w/her Mother at times, and she's messy.  Most teens are the same way.  She doesn't party, she's been working and she's one of the most caring, loving kids I've ever seen. 
  My sister has had problems for many years.  When she was younger we attributed her actions to the fact that she was the baby of the family.  Then her actions were the result of her alcoholism.  Now, after the research that Whit and I have done, we have no doubt she's bipolar.  She'll go from depression and crying to raging.  It's as if she has no control over it.  When she was drinking, I was forced to part ways with her because I would no longer allow her to abuse me.  Now, she's abusive to Whit.  That I can not allow.  She's threatened suicide with both of us and I've told her repeatedly that she needs help.  I know I could have her committed, but Whit and I have talked about it and we've decided to try to give it time to see if she'll get help on her own.  I've talked with her, or attempted to and given her literature.  Our brother is bipolar.  She says she's not bipolar because she's not like he is, because his bipolar puts him into week/months long depression where he won't leave his room.  She, on the other hand is mostly manic.  Her rages are out of blue, triggered by nothing but something dreamed up in her head, and ALWAYS Whit's fault. 
  Whit wants to go back and live with her Mother.  She misses her life.  She says I may not think her life is normal, but it's her normal.  She is the one who's tried to take care of her Mother and I have had to convince Whit to leave after one of her spells, because Whit now feels responsible for her Mothers mood and what she may do.  She is so brainwashed, or trained, and that's just killing me. 
  Whit and her Mother have gone to counseling, just to have her Mother blame everything on Whit to the doc.  The doc at one point sent her Mother to another psychiatrist, but she gave that up after 3 visits.  She said it was inconvenient.  She's told me she will not spend 1 more minute, or 1 more cent on counseling, but that was before I took Whit.
  BTW, Whit is right behind me as I write this.  We don't have secrets.  We need each other to try to get through this and we're lucky to have each other. 
  What we need to know, is do any of you have any ideas on how we can get through to her Mother that she needs help.  How do you break denial?  I thank all who have taken time to read this and attempt to help Whitney and I,, it's appreciated.

balboa
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/1/2008 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Whitney! i couldn't help getting emotional reading your post.You are very lucky to have an Aunt who loves you so much.You sound like a wonderful caring kid with a heart that is too big sometimes.....you remind me of me when i was younger dealing with my husband.I have been married to a man who i love dearly,but unfortunately is severely bi polar.He takes Seroquel for his manic episodes(rage like your mom)and also Lithium.

We have a 12 yr. old daughter who really gets pissed off alot at her Dad.He can really be out of control with his mood swings and his blaming of others.Especially her and me.It is unbearable to say the least.

I heard you ask the question "how do you get someone out of their denial"?pretty tough one.But only from experience i can say is to implement Tough Love,and it is not easy at all!

you need to break all ties with your mom(so painful i know)and your Aunt does too.Maybe if she lives her life completely alone because of her behavior,she will get so desperate that she might just reach out for help to get her family back that loves her so much.

I have put my husband out of the house(it was quite scary)he freaked,destroyed alot of things in the home,the police were called(it broke my heart)but my daughter's safety is of the utmost priority.After him being away for now 5 months,he has put himself in intensive counseling.3x's a week.He is also an alcoholic/addict.I feel because of him being put in a position of total lonliness and losing the 2 people that love him the most,he got to his breaking point of the pain he feels.He put himself in a mental facility,they adjusted his meds,and he is doing very well.

We talk everyday and visit him 2x's a week now and if everything works out behaviorally,he will come back home for Christmas.I am very proud of the work he has done on himself,but he is not out of the woods yet.If you decide not to tolerate intolerable behavior then your loved one has a choice.Stay sick and be alone,or get courage and fight to get well.It is a risk many families like ours and yours take,but it is a worthy and extremely important one.It is up to them to get the help that they need.Nothing that you have ever done is the cause of anything your mom chooses to do.It is her disease.

They are emmy award actors in making people feel guilty and being the blame of things.She is to blame for all the chaos,not you....EVER.Please try and remember that for yourself.They are the best manipulators!God bless you,your Aunt,and most of all,your Mom.I hope she digs her way out of this disease and gets a hold on her life.For you Whitney,i pray for your strength,wisdom,and unconditional love.People can only hurt you if you allow them to.Don't let her anymore.Hope i did not overstep my boundaries into your personal pain,it's just that i have experienced the same in the past.I started to fight for myself and my daughter.You will be fine.Hang in there and best of luck to you! you are in my thoughts and prayers.


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/1/2008 12:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello balboa,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. It's always good to have fresh voices. It's great you jumped right in. Feel free to start a new thread just for you and tell us what drew you here, what you're looking for, etc...

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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