even feel alone here

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yankeepeaches
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 11/8/2008 7:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I've only posted a few times because even here I feel like an outsider...bp for me puts me at an arms length with many people.  They tend not to want to be around me because they just never know what the mood will be.  I have no real friends.  Even on this forum I see that several people have lots of responses and people communicate well; yet I don't feel like I fit in.  I see myself in a lot of the topics but I don't know if I should jump in a talk about my experiences or not; I greatly fear rejection. sad
bipolar
invega 6mg
tofronil 75mg
trazadone 150mg
tomopax 100mg 2x day


yankeepeaches
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 11/8/2008 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
oops!
 
misspelled one of my meds in my signature...just correcting that so there's no confusion.
bipolar
invega 6mg
tofronil 75mg
trazadone 150mg
tomopax 100mg 2x day


fast1toochase
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 11/9/2008 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
yankeepeaches, i see what you say when u feel arms legth with people, because we just don't know when BP hehaviors are going to kick in. today i went to my sisters i was suppost to stay for supper but around 2:00p.m. i just went into tiers. (spelling is bad) i was crying and just wanted to go home, because i felt so uncomfortable with the way i was feeling. i was embarassed and just could not control my crying. so i went home, no supper for me. BP u just don't know how the days are going to go. so i find i keep people a arms leght away. this is a great forum keep connecting and you will get some responsese. just let people know how your feeling, thats what we all have in common. BP i believe others don't understand till you live it. good luck and stay in touch.

yankeepeaches
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 11/9/2008 3:47 PM (GMT -7)   
fast1toocahse, thanks for the response...I had the same thing happen at church today...the water works just started and I can't exactly say why. The pastor's wife said she thought I was doing so much better and what had happened. That's just it--sometimes nothing has to happen to cause this change in mood...I just wake up this way or from one hour to the next in the day it changes. My meds have been changed trying to regulate these swings. and now I'll be waiting to see what happens there. I didn't stay for Sunday school because I didn't want to cry the whole way through that too. I don't know if it's me that keeps people at a distance or if they just stay at a distance because they don't know how to handle me. People that don't have bp or don't understand it really come up with some silly comments like "this to will pass" or "just pull yourself by your boot straps" if only it was that simple I don't think there would be so many of us here on this forum! Again thanks for talking with me!
bipolar
depression
basilar migraines
**************
invega 6mg
tofronil 75mg
trazadone 150mg
xanax .25mg as needed
topamax 100mg 2x day


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 11/9/2008 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
You are accepted here no matter what! We are here for you. I don't get to post as much anymore; have two babies now. But by all means jump in and respond. We know how you feel.I lost a lot of friends due to my bp and them not knowing how it is. I only have a few now and they try. It is hard to be social!! But please, post, respond. Let it out.


Hugs,
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/9/2008 8:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Yankeepeaches,

I wish I could take the fear away from you. No one is judging you here. We've all been through it -- are going through it -- need to hear that other people are going through it too. We're like a big BP family where we can cry on each other's shoulders. You are always welcome here and no one is going to judge anything you say.

(((Hugs)))

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/9/2008 8:53 PM (GMT -7)   
serafena fixes fast1toochase some dinner, because he needs a little homecookin'.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Steelerfan
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 11/14/2008 10:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Yankeepeaches,

Everyone on here wants to be helped and liked. Everyone is here for you. Some are just shy to respond before they get to know people.

maggiern
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 11/16/2008 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I feel your pain, because you are not sure if what you say fits into all that is said on the chat.  But I can tell you this, I find some good answers from the many of topics in the BP chat.  I am right now starting to go through another as I call episode with my bipolar and have found myself going through the chats more to see if I can identify with anything someone else is going through.  So it does not matter what you want to chat about if may always find someone else who feels the same way.  Thanks for this. wink

yankeepeaches
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 11/16/2008 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   
I feel more comfortable posting this week and have been quite chatty smilewinkgrin    I have been switched to Invega and boy what a huge difference!!!  I am at times fearful that I ramble too much and that what I have to say may influence someone in the wrong manner and I pray that never happens.  I'm sooooo thankful that I've found this forum; for the most part I think it's awesome!!  There are days it's been a life saver (not literally) for me because I'll read something and say 'oh look someone else has the same sitution, response to meds or whatever' or someone will tag a post and have something encouraging to say.  So keep reading, posting etc.  I think if you're like me the more you read and post the more comfortable you'll become with it.  Thanks for responding :-)
bipolar, depression, basilar migraines
**************
invega 6mg, tofronil 75mg, trazadone 150mg, xanax, topamax 200mg/day
 
Pain of mind is worse than pain of body~~Publilius Syrus


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/16/2008 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi maggiern, if you feel up to it, tell us a little bit about you're feeling, and maybe someone will recognize their experiences and write back to you. May be faster than reading through back posts.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


sdw679
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/16/2008 6:45 PM (GMT -7)   
yankeepeaches,

I know how you feel because it's hard to deal with the ups and downs and it's hard to anticipate. For me, sometimes people get a certain look on their face when I've swung into a different mood or also when I've said something that is completely out there (makes sense to me though). There have been times where I just need to get away from people, but it's been hard since I've gotten older and after getting married. My wife is thankfully very supportive, but I don't know if she understands when I need to pull away. Anyway, I know how it feels when you want to keep people distant. You want to be involved but don't know if people will accept you. We're here for you!
sdw679

diagnosed cyclothymic 2007
meds: Trileptal, Xanax for anxiety


yankeepeaches
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 11/16/2008 6:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks sdw679,
 
I've had a great response to my post...people here are great!!! :-)   
bipolar, depression, basilar migraines
**************
invega 6mg, tofronil 75mg, trazadone 150mg, xanax, topamax 200mg/day
 
Pain of mind is worse than pain of body~~Publilius Syrus


Rhonda in Nashville
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 11/17/2008 7:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I am a new member (Chronic Pain). I have many pain issues and was diagnosed with depression years ago. Recently, last year, I was told I was BP. All those years of medications for depression that didn't help. Feeling like such a loser because my friends could take one prosac and feel great, lose lots of weight, and live a great life...I have been on sooooo many antidepressants in my lifetime only to find out that they were wasted years. Now, I don't have insurance, and have many other meds I need to take that I am not on anything for BP. Mostly the highs are what gets me in trouble...I luckily don't have the lows very much.

I wish I had found this site a long time ago. Maybe things would be different....
 
 
hemi-lamenectomy L-4 1998
spinal fusion with own bone L-3 to S-1 2005
Degenerative disc disease
spinal stenosis
several epidural injections
caudal block
high blood pressure
GERD
sleep apnia
arthritis in both knees
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome
 


yankeepeaches
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 11/17/2008 7:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome Rhonda! I don't think you'll feel alone here!!! I know exactly what you mean about sooo many SSRIs over the years only to be dx's with BP and feel like so much time wasted. But now try to find the positive (and yes I really do know how hard it can be to find the positives but believe me they are there) and realize you have the proper dx and ask you doc for samples of bp meds if all possible. I don't know much about rx companies helping people with rx's but I believe that some do and there are others on the board that may know about how this works. So anyone out there that can assist Rhonda with this info could you please jump here...thanks!
bipolar, depression, basilar migraines
**************
invega 6mg, tofronil 75mg, trazadone 150mg, xanax, topamax 200mg/day
 
Pain of mind is worse than pain of body~~Publilius Syrus


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/17/2008 9:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rhonda in Nashville,

Welcome to our board, I hope you're finding HealingWell useful and welcoming. There are SO many people who have similar stories to yours -- diagnosed with depression, treated unsuccessfully for years with AD's only to find they're bipolar in the end. It's frustrating.

Definitely you should talk to your doctor about having this disorder without the means to pay for the drugs. He/she will give you samples -- they get TONS of samples from the drug companies. They don't mind giving you samples. That's one way to go. The other is to contact the company that makes the drug you're on. So for instance, if you get put on Lamictal, for example, and you go to the official Lamictal webpage, down at the bottom is a tiny link called "Medicine Savings". Click on that and you get sent to the GlaxoSmithKline page for medicine assistance. www.gskforyou.com/ Most pharmaceutical comapanies have something similar. If you ever want help finding one, I'm totally willing.

It's tough going to be bipolar without drug therapy.

I hope this is helpful. Keep writing and let us know how you are doing. It's good to have you.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 11/19/2008 2:52 PM (GMT -7)   
You are not alone!  We are all here because we feel isolated from people who do not have BP or are uncaring or uneducated about the dis-ease.  I do not have any real friends that I confide in, well one, but she lives in another city and I do not get to see her often.  My sisters are alot older than me and being from "A fine ole' Southern family", mental problems are not to be discussed!  My husband is an army brat and emotions are always to be kept in check, though really, he is as good as he is capable of being.  We have been married for 25 years and this all really started to have very negative effects on me after the birth of my daughter.  I would go for my yearly exam and try to explain what was going on with me and the Dr. I went to at the time would just look at me and smile and say "Your fine, see you in a year, make your co-pay on your way out."  My only regret is that I was not more aggressive in my pursuit to find out what was going on with me.  Finally after I literally went for three solid weeks with no sleep, after my husband and I split up for a short while, did I finally find a Dr. that realized I was depressed and in trouble.  But again, i did not open up to the fact that I had been very hyperactive all my life, had almost ruined my family financially and done somethings that were to say the least very risky and stupid.  My help finally came when I got in a lot of legal trouble for writing a large amount of bad checks and I was put on probation until I got everything paid off.  Luckily, the lady who was my probation officier knew after the first time she talked to me that something was way out of sink with me.  She did not "court order" but suggested that I go see someone to get some help.  She knew I was not a bad person or desperate criminal but my behavior and past track record plus my way of presenting myself, nothing was adding up.  So I took her advice, the first two people I saw were of no help.  As an act of desperation, I kept calling and calling PDoc's one day, because I had no insurance and no money at that time until I found someone to see me.  He knew I was at my wits end just by talking to me and our local mental health department wouold not see me for 6 weeks.  Ever since then I have been working hard to find the right meds and we are still trying to figure out exactly what my diagnosis is as I have more than one issue going on.  See, I am rambling too.  It is like once you start, it just all comes out because I think all BP's tend to hold it all in.  It makes us feel better, as it should!  You can talk to me anytime, anyone can.  I love the responses from all of you.  God made us special for a reason.  Maybe one day we will know why.

fast1toochase
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 11/19/2008 3:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Yankeepeaches,
u sum it up just right. everything you said to me in the response is esactly how i feel too. great forum with such helpful information.
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