I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It was a big shock to find this out but a relief at the same time because I seriously thought I was going mad but could not control anything.
I have had a hell of a year, I have seperated from my husband, live at my mother's house, our house got repossessed, I spent all his savings, used up cards, spent any spare money that we had. I owe money all over the place. In the end my husband got himself bankrupt cos he had no way of paying off all the debts.
We did not know why I just spent and spent and spent, I just couldnt stop and for the most part I dont even remembering spending, I dont even remembering where the money came from but if it was there, I spent it. Bills never got paid. My husbands family just encouraged him to leave me as opposed to standing by me, which is exactly what they did. I was SO bad for him, I just ruin his life.
I was also horrible to his family as well as my family but I dont remember why or what I had said (mostly) but what I said, did was so unforgiveable that they just cut me out of their lives.
I have 3 kids, a 3 year old daughter and 2 sons, who are 2 years and 14 weeks. My waters broke with my last baby at 23 weeks, but he managed to stay inside till 36 weeks, when I was induced.
Anyway I had three breakdowns, each time my husband never was there for me, I was left in hospital with no visitors, to cut a long story short, his family encouraged him to leave me, I was so bad for him, in the end he did leave me but I ended up living with my mother because I was told by my midwife to either go to my mother's or a psychartic ward.
A week after coming to my mother's I had lots of visits from doctors, CPN's, social workers, other professionals to try to get to the bottom of what was really going on in my head and what was wrong with me. After several weeks I was offically diagnosed moderate depressive disorder with somanic symptoms (F32:11) in other words - bipolar but we dont call it "bipolar" in this country anymore apparently.
Not my husband or his family attended any of my assessments to give their input, his sister gave some info over the phone but that was to the first doctor, I had seen three others after that. Anyway they all dont believe I am ill or will accept I am ill, they think I am using this as an excuse but I am not.
I really love my husband, and I know he loves me, he says so but he is scared if he goes back with me that I'd be horrible to everyone again or spend all the money again or if we got a house again I'd end up getting it repossessed. He forgave me, he understood. But he cant be with me because he is scared. He does want to be with me. But who can tell what the future holds. You would think now that I've been diagnosed with something that they'd understand what I went through and why things happened but oh no, they still dont want anything to do with me and it is really eating me up, I get so upset because I see my husband couple times a week when he comes to see the children, we get on, the chemistry is still there. Our relationship is so good, its always good to see him but I dont know why we cant make it work. But I know he loves his family, they hate me and dont want me as part of their family so its harder on him. I feel he should be loyal to me and stand by me. Isnt that what marriage is about?
My own father claims I never had a relationship with him and my relationship with him is based on money (him giving me loads) and his girlfriend says I contribute nothing to her life and if I had something to contribute then let her know cos until then she doesnt want to know.
I am so hurt. I want a chance to be forgiven and a chance to show them that while under treatment/medication I can lead a happy/normal life - for the most part I do anyway. I go to uni (School) three times a week which I enjoy as it keeps my mind busy and gets me out of the house, plus I want a degree, I want to make something out of my life, before I had no motivation for, or any motivation I had just went after the high went down. I want to work, get a house, get back everything I lost.
I have two more counselling sessions left, and then have 6 more with another counsellor, I see a psychartist once every three months now and see my doctor every month regarding my illness/medication.
If anyone has any advice how to repair relationships then I'd appreciate it, especially as they havent really done their research on bipolar or anything.