No family support

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AMYB74
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/14/2008 12:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi
I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It was a big shock to find this out but a relief at the same time because I seriously thought I was going mad but could not control anything.
 
I have had a hell of a year, I have seperated from my husband, live at my mother's house, our house got repossessed, I spent all his savings, used up cards, spent any spare money that we had. I owe money all over the place. In the end my husband got himself bankrupt cos he had no way of paying off all the debts.
 
We did not know why I just spent and spent and spent, I just couldnt stop and for the most part I dont even remembering spending, I dont even remembering where the money came from but if it was there, I spent it. Bills never got paid. My husbands family just encouraged him to leave me as opposed to standing by me, which is exactly what they did. I was SO bad for him, I just ruin his life.
I was also horrible to his family as well as my family but I dont remember why or what I had said (mostly) but what I said, did was so unforgiveable that they just cut me out of their lives.
 
I have 3 kids, a 3 year old daughter and 2 sons, who are 2 years and 14 weeks. My waters broke with my last baby at 23 weeks, but he managed to stay inside till 36 weeks, when I was induced.
 
Anyway I had three breakdowns, each time my husband never was there for me, I was left in hospital with no visitors, to cut a long story short, his family encouraged him to leave me, I was so bad for him, in the end he did leave me but I ended up living with my mother because I was told by my midwife to either go to my mother's or a psychartic ward.
 
A week after coming to my mother's I had lots of visits from doctors, CPN's, social workers, other professionals to try to get to the bottom of what was really going on in my head and what was wrong with me. After several weeks I was offically diagnosed moderate depressive disorder with somanic symptoms (F32:11) in other words - bipolar but we dont call it "bipolar" in this country anymore apparently.
 
Not my husband or his family attended any of my assessments to give their input, his sister gave some info over the phone but that was to the first doctor, I had seen three others after that. Anyway they all dont believe I am ill or will accept I am ill, they think I am using this as an excuse but I am not.
 
I really love my husband, and I know he loves me, he says so but he is scared if he goes back with me that I'd be horrible to everyone again or spend all the money again or if we got a house again I'd end up getting it repossessed. He forgave me, he understood. But he cant be with me because he is scared. He does want to be with me. But who can tell what the future holds. You would think now that I've been diagnosed with something that they'd understand what I went through and why things happened but oh no, they still dont want anything to do with me and it is really eating me up, I get so upset because I see my husband couple times a week when he comes to see the children, we get on, the chemistry is still there. Our relationship is so good, its always good to see him but I dont know why we cant make it work. But I know he loves his family, they hate me and dont want me as part of their family so its harder on him. I feel he should be loyal to me and stand by me. Isnt that what marriage is about?
 
My own father claims I never had a relationship with him and my relationship with him is based on money (him giving me loads) and his girlfriend says I contribute nothing to her life and if I had something to contribute then let her know cos until then she doesnt want to know.
 
I am so hurt. I want a chance to be forgiven and a chance to show them that while under treatment/medication I can lead a happy/normal life - for the most part I do anyway. I go to uni (School) three times a week which I enjoy as it keeps my mind busy and gets me out of the house, plus I want a degree, I want to make something out of my life, before I had no motivation for, or any motivation I had just went after the high went down. I want to work, get a house, get back everything I lost.
 
I have two more counselling sessions left, and then have 6 more with another counsellor, I see a psychartist once every three months now and see my doctor every month regarding my illness/medication.
 
If anyone has any advice how to repair relationships then I'd appreciate it, especially as they havent really done their research on bipolar or anything.
 
Kind Regards
Amy B
London, UK
 

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/14/2008 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Amy,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar forum. I'm glad you found us. It sounds like you could really use a place to vent and some friends on your side.

I'm sorry to hear about all the troubles you're having. You have a LOT on your plate right now. 3 young kids, university and a mountain of debt. I absolutely appreciate you wanting to get back with your husband, but it's more important that you stop worrying what everyone else thinks about you and just take care of yourself. You're not going to be able to convince anyone you're better by telling them -- you're going to have to show them. Keep seeing your counselors, your psychiatrists, stay right with your medications. If you feel the slightest tendency toward mania coming on, call your psych immediately -- you don't need any more illness in your life right now. Take care of your children, do well at school, and manage your finances on your own. Be nice to people and others will learn to trust you again. That's the only way it's going to happen. You have to earn it back.

Keep writing and telling us how your doing. If you have any questions about bipolar, lay em on us. Jump right in the discussion. We're glad you're here.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 11/17/2008 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Please hang in there!  I know there are times when you feel like nothing will ever fall into place but it will get better with alot of hard work.  when you feel like you have hit bottom there is no where else to go but up!

My husband has a hard time with my dis-ease as well.  It takes patience and hard work everyday.  We did split at one time and I had no support from my family or his.  I am very strong willed and hard headed and I just kept plugging away and finally got myself to a place within myself that I could live peacefully.

I feel for you, I truly know what you are going through.  All these things have happened to me.

I will keep you in my prayers tonight and everynight.  Don't give up!

BPGemini


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 11/17/2008 7:44 PM (GMT -7)   

 

   Sorry to hear about your problems, spending did it for you, affairs and sex did it for me. However after all of it was done, my wife and i are working to save the marriage. It took me staring down a knife weilding crinimal daring him to try and cut me to make me relieze that i had some issues. LOL LOL LOL It was then that i went and got diagnosed and my life started getting better. ANd thats what i am trying to get accross, you know what the "devil" is, and knowing  the devil is half the battle won. It will get better, you will regain your footing, you have kids to live for now and if your husband cannot be there, than that is sad for him.

    Good luck and keep posting.

   Bill

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