Sounds like a load, and it is sad that you wont be with family this year. I have allways found solice in nature and my pets. I try to count my blessings, to see the positive in all situations. Takes some effort but often times there is a reward. However if you cant dont be so hard on yourself, cant help how you feel. However try cooking a little and see if the creativity kicks in and hopefully soon you will be out of this sad place.