new member: BP Spouse

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sillydaddy
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/18/2008 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   
 I have been married 13 yrs. My wife was on prozac when we met but was not diagnosed BP till 6 yrs ago. My wife has been on disability for 2 yrs because of her BP. I love my wife and didn't think I minded all the effort it takes to help her. But I am finding myself getting worn out. We have 2 girls that also have to deal with her BP. My duaghters and I are active away from home. They play sports and have other activities. Recently I have felt I am the problem. I feel as though she does not love me any more but knows she could not get custody of the kids because of her BP, so she stays with me. Having read some of the posts I don't know if I that is true or not. I can see her in others stories. How do you know if it is the disease or reality? It is hard reconsiling the feelings when she says "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" and " I dont' want to be around you"

Diskus
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 11/18/2008 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sillydaddy,

I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time. I can relate to trying to reconciling the feelings you have and trying to discern whether it is bp that is making her act that way or whether that is truly how she feels in her heart.


Has there ever been a time of stability? Was your wife loving then? It could be that it makes her more down to see you "ok" and with the children and perhaps too painful to be around.

I"m sure others have input.

make1tstop
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/18/2008 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
wife said she is divorcing me..... I am a brand new member from internet search looking for someone to talk at.  husband of bp wife-- diagnosed, 19 yrs married. She has been on meds in past, but she is very defensive about condition and won't tell me when she is off or on meds/what kind. She has gotten progressively worse. she is intolerable during PMS time, almost intolerably sweet at other times. the issue today is that i work out at lunch with girls from work --- it's actually mostly guys, and it is a public gym. No affairs, no going out after work, no personal phone calls... nothing. She gave me an ultimatum, to not workout with them, and I told her "no." I have two teenagers that will be destroyed if she goes through with it.. I would let her go if it wasn't for them.
 
I just needed to talk, nobody else that i can discuss this with. I don't know what to do, but i guess there isn't too much i can do. The second she starts her period, she will back off...although she may have contacted a lawyer today. The mean side of me wants to get back at her by filing myself--- I wont do it for my kids sake. This makes me so sad--- we are successful and have wonderful kids, these should be fun days.
 
This helped a little. I always interesting to see what person she is when i get home--- hope she hasnt terrorized the kids too much.
 
Thanks

bpsoshare
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 11/19/2008 5:31 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi make1tstop,

I have been married to my bp wife for 17yrs and have three children. My wife is also asking for a divorce. I am waiting it out as I think when she comes out of her mania she will change her mind. I like you, can't determine very easily whats bp and what's part of our relationship. The only thing I can be certain of is I didn't make my wife ill and her illness does affect her ability to maintain relationships with me or anyone else. I'm not going to divorce my wife but I am trying to set boundaries that will curb the excesses. Its long and hard but I believe it will be worth it in the end.

That said,  if my wife divorces me that's her choice however bad it might be. If that happens I'll doing evrything I can to retain custody of our children for their sake as much as mine.

To try and get some normality from situation I have reduced my working hours so can spend more time with family, have realised that I can't keep absorbing stress without negative affects for me and have sought help from my Dr and church minister. Finally am being much more upfront with the mental health team to try and get them to intervene when things are bad rather than me and kids taking the strain.

Have you tried talking to your DR about what's going on, maybe he can get some help for you and maybe even your wife.

 

Kind regards,

 

bpsoshare

 

 

 

 

 

 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/19/2008 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi sillydaddy,

First let me welcome you to HealingWell and thank you for joining our board.

You are in a real fix because you're trying to sort out if what she's saying is real or not. Is she medicated and stable, or is she currently "unstable" -- having a manic or depressive episode. If she's unstable, I wouldn't trust her judgment. If she's otherwise functioning healthily, interacting normally with everyone else including your children and family, then it's time for a serious talk. She's got to be willing to talk about it with you. If she's not -- I'd have my doubts. Then it's time for a visit to the pdoc for a medication adjustment.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/19/2008 12:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Make1tstop,

Thank you for joining HealingWell and our forum, also.

I'm sorry to hear of the sticky place you're in as well. Your wife sounds very unstable, and I would guess that she's either not taking her meds or her current meds aren't working effectively. It's time for a call to the pdoc.

All the same, she's imagining not just affairs, but even that your thoughts are straying during these workouts. That's not fair of her. She can't control your thoughts. Nonetheless, perhaps you could try and reassure her that your thoughts are devoted to her, your heart is devoted to her, and she would calm down a bit.

Hope that's a little helpful.
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


sillydaddy
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/19/2008 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   

     My wife is currently off meds. She had appendicitis 2 mos ago needed to stop the meds that made her constantly sleepy to avoid an "accident". She does not interact with the kids any more than she does with me. That is one of the things that tells me it is the BP. But she also is reluctant to talk about it. She makes no effort to help me deal with the situation or to help me understand her current needs. Last year she was very active and positive till this time of year when she decided she could do without meds and crashed ending up hospitalized. That fear is probably playing a part in my current struggle. Reading some of your posts and your words help make me feel like I am less alone. I have al ot of family support from her father, but sometimes that creates problems with her. If her dad is to supportive of me it has a very negative effect on her. He never involved in the things between us he just helps a lot with the girls.

 

                            sillydaddy

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