Dreading doctor visit

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yankeepeaches
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 11/19/2008 5:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Today I go see my gdoc and I'm not looking forward to it!  I know he'll take issue with the weight gain and probably not like what I have to say concerning my opinion about the pdoc he recommended (remember that's the one I won't go see anymore).  Today I wish I could just dump the whole basket of pill bottles, say the heck with it all and just let whatever happens, happen.  I'm weary today both emotionally and physically.  
A man that I use to be invloved with during my mania times before I was dx'd with bp made contact with me via E-mail last night and that has me stirred up this AM. He wants to see me again...I love my husband (very, very loving, supportive man)and it isn't even that I want  any other relationship, why do I even answer this man's E-mails?!  What causes me to do this??  I don't know if it's because I want to always have someone in reserve "just in case".  Does anyone else ever feel this way or behave in this manner.  I loathe myself right now!! mad
bipolar, depression, basilar migraines
**************
invega 6mg, tofronil 75mg, trazadone 150mg, xanax, topamax 200mg/day
 
Pain of mind is worse than pain of body~~Publilius Syrus


Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 11/19/2008 6:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I know that dreaded feeling.  But being a mostly manic driven person I kept on trying new Doc's until I found one that "clicked" with me.  That does make a big difference.  I also have flushed every pill in the house down the potty!  I even went "herbal" for a while which made my body feel good but it sent me to the depths of depression with I usually am not that bothered with.  Go figure!
 
I have been where you are with the relationship "thing".  I too have a loving husband who is as supportive as he is capable of being.  There are times when I think he is my problem and I would be better off without him but 2 hours later I feel the exact opposite.  I have learned the hard way that making hasty decisions when you have BP is a dangerous thing especially where other peoples lives and feelings are concerned.  It is hard to let go of feelings you had in the past for someone, especially after time has elapsed and all you remember are the good things.  Try to remember why you ultimately did not end up with this person that is now trying to reconnect with you.  Is he really worth giving up a loving husband?  Does he know you are married and still made contact?  I am a little old fashioned in the sense that once you committ to someone, you are in it together for better or worse (unless of course there is abuse of any form;  verbal, emotional, physical).
 
Just give yourself time to think things through or not.  I think sometimes with BP over-thinking is a bad thing.
 
I will pray for your guideance and I hope you feel better about things soon. turn

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/19/2008 9:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Yankeepeaches,

I'm so sorry you're feeling icky about the BP today. Don't flush your pills. You'll just spend a ton of money replacing them. :-) I know it feels like they're the problem sometimes. I have those feelings too. But they're not. And you'll feel a whole lot worse without them.

The gdoc will not be upset that you didn't click with his recommendation -- at least he shouldn't be if he's a professional. Sometimes docs/patients just don't mesh, especially when the relationship is as delicate as the one between a pdoc and a patient with BP.

As to the relationship, it's so flattering to be contacted again, I'm sure. And if you're self-esteem isn't great to begin with, you're especially vulnerable. But you are a different person now than you were then, and he's not treating you with respect -- he should respect your marriage. If he's only interested in a friendly, open correspondence, that's one thing. But if he's interested in more than that, and wouldn't want your husband to know about it (for instance) then you may want to put an end to it now. I would tell my husband. Like yours, my husband is very understanding and supportive. It would make my conscience easier and he would help me decide what to do about it.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


fast1toochase
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 11/23/2008 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Yankeepeaches, I hear you, i see my dr on wednesday. i am going to ask him to put me on wellbutrin. i was on it before they dignosed me with BP and it seem to help with depression, and ocd. i am bipolar I so i don't know what he will do. good luck with your dr. hope you make out well.

fast1

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/23/2008 6:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Fast1,

Just remember that AD's aren't good for bipolars unless they're on mood stabilizers too. So your doc may hesitate. What else are you taking?

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


fast1toochase
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 11/24/2008 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
serafena
Thanks for the response i am on abilify, lamictal, seriqual, and klonipin. i am still feeling lots of ups and downs. more down latley then ups. i am sleeping so much more and not doing the things i use to enjoy. i am having such trouble exsepting this BP. is it going to feel this way the rest of my life. i just get so discouraged taking all the meds and i know its forever. sometimes i don't feel like myself, i even forget what myself was like. i see some people in the forum take welbutrin and i was hoping i could it would help with depression and ocd. i make myself crazy.
Thanks agian!

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/24/2008 9:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Okay, so you're on a mood stabilizer. I think you've got the right idea, then. It never hurts to ask.

I know how discouraging it can be to think that we're going to have to be like this forever. But it's not like this forever, not really. Once you get stabilized, you can stay that way for years. Yes, you'll have to take the pills, but you'll want to, because you'll feel "normal" again. It's just a matter of time, trying to find the cocktail that works for you. I know how exhausting and frustrating it is, but hang in there. It will get better. Remember how much worse it is without the drugs. That is not the way to go.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 11/24/2008 3:35 PM (GMT -7)   
 
   Hey yankeepeaches, dont get discouraged, been the same place you were, and had the same feelings. The temptations are allways going to be there, you just need to find a way to get around them. If you want email me and i;ll tell you what i ended up doing to help myself.
 
    Bill

yankeepeaches
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 11/24/2008 5:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Haven't been here for several days...went to the doc's last week; didn't go as bad as I had built up in my mind.  Didn't say a word about my weight; I explained that I was on Invega and have been eating non stop since starting the med. Didn't seem bothered by my change in pdoc; even liked the new one I will be seeing.  New monkey wrench thrown in the mix...mensicus (knee--soft tissue between the knee bones) may have slipped--have MRI on Wed., also goiter has grown--don't know where that will lead.  As for the man from my past...we've sent several E-mails back and forth; I have discussed this with my husband and explained about being fearful of being alone.  He understands this about me but I still have guilty feelings...help!
bipolar, depression, basilar migraines
**************
invega 6mg, tofronil 75mg, trazadone 150mg, xanax, topamax 200mg/day
 
Pain of mind is worse than pain of body~~Publilius Syrus

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