Need some advice

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kirstenhere
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 11/21/2008 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   
I haven't been on for awhile...sorry! My life is a mess right now. Quick background for those of you who don't remember me: my husband is bipolar and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.

Well, through all the post I have read, people talked a lot about their spouse cheating, etc. I never could relate because my husband had never done this. WELL, I found out the other day that 5 years ago he cheated on me one night. OMG, the pain is UNREAL from it. I know that one part of bipolar is the sexual freaky stuff. He also told me what a real freak he is when it comes to sex. He told me that when we are out to eat sometimes, that he will go into the bathroom and *********. This just amazed me! I never knew any of this...and have been with him for 10 years. He also told me that he could watch **** 24 hours a day. I am blown away by all of this. I never knew my husband was like this until now. And how, oh how, do I get past the cheating part? He swears it only happened one night..but I wonder now. I'm so heart broken! I love him soo much! Someone please help! :-(

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 11/21/2008 12:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Well here is some advise from the cheating side of the house. One, i stopped **** cold turkey, the computer is in the bedrrom and i only stay on safe sites. It took a bit but i kicked the habit. That your husband can control, not looking at ****. Yes we are very freakyin bed, that is the creative side rearing its ugly head. We cant help how we are wired, however we have to want to get help and get better to have any chance of a successful marriage. I am seeing a thearpist, taking a bunch of stuff, and it has made me feel better. My wife had to deal with this pain also, and i am sorry to have put her thru it. We are making it one day at a time, and i value my marriage above all else now. It has not been easy but we both had to work on this to make it have a chance.
I am sorry for your pain, however it will pass after some time. My advice is dont make any plans or decisions until you have had time to think things thru. He needs to get help, and if he does and stickes with it than give your marriage time.. However if he wont get help, than you have to bail because it will happen again.
Let me be the first to say for allmen, sorry.
Bill

kirstenhere
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 11/21/2008 12:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you very much for your kind words.

He is seeing a counselor right now...so I'm hoping that it helps. He does take his meds, so that is a good thing as well. I guess what I want to ask you is: do you love your wife? I mean, truly love her? I just want to know if my husband truly loves me now!?!?! I always thought he has...and God knows I truly am in love with him. But see, I would NEVER think about cheating on him...I have no desire.

So my concern is, is it true love even though he cheated once!!?! I just don't get the cheating part. I'm so confused and hurt about it. I NEVER dreamed he would do this to me...NEVER! We have an AWESOME marriage. We are best friends, we share everything, we very seldom fight, we can be around one another 24/7 and still get along great. We still kiss and hold hands out in public, etc. You get my point. So how could he be with someone else? Maybe if you could explain it to me better, I wouldn't feel so hurt and unloved about it all. Thank you!

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 11/21/2008 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   

I'll try to explain, so pardon any mistakes or misjudgments i write here. For me, it had nothing to do with sex, or love for that matter, it was the risk and newness that got me going. I still love my wife, never stopped loving her, just in my mind i needed more than she could or would provide. I dont mean that as a knock against her, its just how my brain rationalized what i did. Now that i dont have that raging sex demon inside of me (thanks meds turn ) i can now concentrate on the love i have. We have precious little controll over ourselves when this stuff strikes.  He probally loves you greatly, and in his mind only had the affair to "save" his marriage. Trust me, we can rationalize really well, and he can to. This probally made good sense to him at the time.

   Its hard in words to put this out, it just "is" what it is.

   Sorry i havnt been more helpfull. Bill

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