I'm new to the whole online forum thing. Anyhow, since I'm not seing a therapist regularly at the moment, and, don't care to rely on my aunt, I figure that this is worth a shot.
A little bit about
me: I was diagnosed with depression and GAD about
2 years ago. Recently, I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder.
I feel a tad insecure about
this new bipolar diagnosis, maybe someone here can help me to confirm it?
More history: As a todler I was very outgoing, but as soon as I got into elementary school a new part of my behavior came out: my aggressive side; I would throw small tantrums, become very frustruated with little stimulation, and had a moderate amount of self control. To be honest, this side of me has never really totally disappeared, I still become agitated very easily and it wasn't till recently that I stopped being abusive towards my mother (i.e. getting into physical fights, picking her up). From 12 on, I have had episodes lasting upto 4 weeks of depression with small periods of normalcy in between. I'm trying to think back and remember times when I have had any kind of manic or hypomanic episode...are these episodes less noticeable then depressive episodes? Some things stick out: anger/irratablility, obsession with body parts (I used to like to expose myself to my parents up untill age 10, not something that I'm proud of); during these times I was amazingly hyper. Then there are some other instances when I was a little older (11-12) where I would expose my self innaproprately to my peers and get very excited about
it. Hmm what led me to exposing myself? I think that I would get carried away and wanted to evoke a certain reaction from my peers even though I would act very innapropriately. I never found that I was ashamed with the way that I acted, if anything I enjoyed being the center of attention.
Do you think that these are signs of bpd in a child?
More recently for this whole first semester of college, I think that I have been experienced signs of hypomania--I only sleep 3 hrs/night, I binge drink monthly, and I want to have sex at any chance that I can get. I told my psychiatrist a couple of days ago when we met and as a result, she prescribed 1-3 25 mg seroquel to help me sleep, lowered my lexapro to 10 mg, and raised my lamictal to 100 mg. I feel so frustruated with my problems now more than ever; it's so hard not to make myself feel guilty over my condition. Since I've been in college, I've sabotaged all of my friendships because of my constant ups and downs, low self esteem, screw ups with my pills and the alchohal, and other impulsive crap that i've said. Earlier today and right now I feel like a huge psychotic piece of crap. I had an essay due on fri. and wrote my professor a little explanation why I needed an extension (because of 'personal matters') extended to sat. I haven't even finished up my first body paragraph, it's really disgusting me. I'm not able to right because I'm numb out of my mind. I tried to stimulate myself with caffeine but that just led me to feel suicidal, like I wanted to jump into the lake that we have on campus, cut myself, beat the crap out of anyone...something along those lines. Maybe I am bipolar--I doubt that 81 mg of caffeine would make a non-bipolar person suicidal...I don't know what else there is to say, I feel numb and hopeless, self manipulative, psychotic...all that good stuff. SO CONFUSED
(Sher211--I edited the strong language out of your post, per Rule #2 -- even "hidden" language is discouraged. We still know what it means. Thanks. serafena)
Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 11/23/2008 1:16:43 PM (GMT-7)