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pvguy
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 11/30/2008 2:33 PM (GMT -7)   
 HI EVERYONE,
 
                   I AM A 49YR OLD MAN THAT HAS A 8YR OLD SON. I AM QUITE SURE AFTER RESEARCHING BP THAT MY WIFE HAS THIS DISEASE. WE WILL BE MARRIED FOR 13YRS THIS JAN 1. HERE IS HOW MY STORY GOES. I LOVE MY WIFE WITH ALL MY HEART BUT RECENTLY DISCOVERED SHE HAS CHEATED ON ME. I ACTUALLY HAD TO TRICK HER IN ORDER TO GET HER TO CONFESS. WHAT BROUGHT IT TO MY ATTENTION WAS CLOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY. SHE WOULD ACTUALLY TELL THEM AND I GUESS BELIEVE THAT THEY WOULD KEEP THIS SECRET. WOULD EVEN TELL PEOPLE THAT WERE NOT CLOSE. I NEVER REALIZED AT THE TIME THAT BP WAS OR COULD BE THE PROBLEM. WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS ANGRY AND BETRAYED. I WAS ALSO TOLD BY FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT SHE SPOKE OF MORE THAN 1 AFFAIR OF WHICH SHE DENIES AND SAYS THAT SHE MADE UP THE STORY.WITH MY ANGER WHERE IT WAS AT THE TIME I TOOK A LONG WALK, THIS HAPPENED IN THE EVENING AND ENDED UP IN BAR, AND I AM NOT A BAR GUY. YOU KNOW THE STORY, I GOT DRUNK A FRIEND CAME AND BROUGHT ME HOME. WHEN I WENT IN THE HOUSE I GOT IN BED WITH MY SON. I WOKE UP about AN HOUR LATER WITH A LOT OF ANGER AND FELT COMPELLED TO TELL HER WHAT I REALLY THOUGHT OF HER. THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW THE COPS ARE THERE. I HAVE NEVER ABUSED MY WIFE IN ANY FORM. THAT NIGHT I DID VERBALLY. FORTUNATELY MY SON NEVER WOKE OR HEARD WHAT HAPPENED. THE NEXT DAY I TOOK MY SON TO SCHOOL AND CAME BACK TO SORT OUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH MY WIFE. WE SAT AND TALKED AND SHE WAS VERY SHAMED AND FULL OF REMORSE AND REGRET BUT AT INSTANCES WOULD LASH WITH ANGER AND TELL ME I MADE HER THAT WAY. WE EVEN MADE LOVE IN A STRANGE BUT REGRETFUL WAY. I MADE THE DECISION THAT WE NEEDED TO BE APART AND I WAS GOING TO SEND HER TO HER FAMILY. SHE IS FROM MEXICO WHICH IS WHERE I MET HER. I ALSO LIVED AND WORKED IN MEXICO FOR 15 YRS. HER PASSPORT WAS EXPIRED SO I HAD TO PUT HER ON A BUS. about A 30HR BUS RIDE FOR HER. MY DRIVE HOME FROM THE BORDER WHERE I PUT HER ON THE BUS WAS SO FULL OF GUILT AND CONFUSION AND WAS SO DIFFICULT TO DO WHAT I DID. KEEP IN MIND THAT BP AT THIS POINT WAS NOT IN MY PICTURE,JUST DECIET AND LIES ,CHEATING. I ASKED HER TO COME CLEAN WITH EVERYTHING. IF OUR MARRIAGE HAD A CHANCE WE HAD TO THROW EVERYTHING ON THE TABLE AND LET SOME TIME TAKE CARE OF THE REST. I TOLD HER THAT I WAS GOING TO TURN OVER EVERY ROCK AND TALK TO EVERY PERSON TO FIND THE TRUTH.
 
 
       THIS ALL HAPPENED 9 DAYS AGO. IT WAS THANKSGIVING NIGHT THAT FOR SOME STRANGE REASON I AWOKE AT 3 IN THE MORNING AND WENT DIRECTLY TO THE COMPUTER AND GOOGLED BI POLAR. I HAD A FEELING OF RELIEF,SADNESS,GUILT ALL MIXED TOGETHER AFTER READING FOR HOURS about THIS SICKNESS. I LOOK BACK AND SEE SO MANY RED FLAGS IT MAKES ME SICK. I HAVE TALKED TO HER SINCE AND ASKED HER IF SHE TRULY THINKS SHE HAS A PROBLEM AND DOES ACKNOWLEDGE. I HAVE A DIFFERENT FEELING about HER NOW. THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF TRAGEDY IN OR LIVES IN THE PAST 4 YRS. MY WIFE LOST A BROTHER TO AIDS,A SISTER THAT HAD MENTAL ILNESS TO SUICIDE AND MOTHER THAT SLIPPED AND HIT HER HEAD. WE ALSO LOST MY MOTHER IN THAT PERIOD. SHE WAS THE BABY IN A FAMILY OF 8. THERE HAVE BEEN EPISODES,SOME VERY TRAMATIC THROUGH THESE LOSSES. WHEN I BROUGHT HER TO THE US ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GIVE HER A LIFE OF EVERYTHING SHE NEVER HAD. AS I LOOK BACK IN MY LIFE I CAN SEE THE EPISODES OF MANIA AND DISCONECTION SO CLEAR. IT HAS COST ME BEST FRIENDS THAT SIDED WITH HER. SHE HAS MADE LOOK LIKE IN TELLING PEOPLE THAT I AM SELFISH ABUSIVE PERSON AND VERY CONVINCING. BUT STILL TELL ME WHAT A GREAT GUY I AM.I AM SO TORN ON WHAT TO DO. I HAVE FAILED ATTEMPTS WITH DOCTORS WHEN SUGGESTED IN THE PAST SHE MIGHT HAVE BP. THEY LOOK AT ME LIKE I AM THE ONE THAT HAS THE PROBLEM
 
 
          I TOLD MY WIFE THAT FOUND BP ON THE INTERNET,THAT THERE IS TREATMENT AND THAT I WANT HER BACK.SHE ALSO KNOWS THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT SHE HAS TO FACE AND IT IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY. HER FAMILY IN MEXICO IS AWARE WHAT HAPPENED. I MADE SURE OF THAT. I HAVE SET SOME GROUND RULES THAT HAVE TO BE FOLLOWED AND THAT THERE ARE NO MORE SECRETS. SHE SAYS SHE LOVES.SHE I VERY SHAMEFUL FOR WHAT SHE DID.SHE SAID THAT SHE WILL NOT LET DOWN AND I DO TRULY LOVE HER. I FEEL THAT I AM HEARING SOMTHING FROM HER THAT I REALLY NEVER HEARD BEFORE. SHE WAS BROKEN AS BROKEN COULD BE WHEN I PUT HER ON THAT BUS AND SO WAS I.
 
CAN A DOCTOR DETERMINE WITHOUT HER BEING IN A EPISODE IF SHE IS BP? HOW DO I GET TO THE RIGHT DOCTORS TO HELP US WITH THIS?WHEN CAN I BELIEVE WHAT SHE IS SAYING IS TRUE? CAN THIS GET BETTER FOR US OR SHOULD I TAKE WHAT I HAVE LEFT OF MY LIFE WHICH IS A WONDERFUL SON AND MYSELF AND MAKE A CLEAN BREAK AND NEVER LOOK BACK.
 
 
                      IT SURE HELPS TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST
                                                                                    PVGUY
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 11/30/2008 2:58 PM (GMT -7)   

 

    Your marriage can recover, however she needs treatment. This isnt something you just "get over". She needs meds and she needs to stay on them. AS for the affair, i have said before and i will say here again, us bipolars have precious little self control. When the compulsion hits, it hits very very hard.

   WIth treatment she can have a great life, however it is dealing with meds and the side effects that hurts a lot of us. But she has to SEE it for herself, if not than this will happen again and again.

     Here is hoping you feel better soon, and that you and your family find their way back to a good place. It can be done, but it is a lot of work and painful.

  Bill

      



pvguy
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 11/30/2008 3:49 PM (GMT -7)   
BILL , THANKS FOR THE HOPE.ITS JUST TEARING ME APART INSIDE

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 11/30/2008 4:05 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  IT will get easier to deal with, just dont make any rash, life altering decisions right now. Just concentrate on healing and day ot day stuff. What is done is done, so make sure you get some help for yourself also.

    Here is to hope.

     Bill


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/30/2008 7:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi pvguy,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. I hope you can find some of the answers you are looking for here.

Here's the first thing -- you don't know if your wife has bipolar. Your first step is to get her in to see a psychiatrist for an evaluation. They will diagnose her properly and give her treatment. Bipolar treatment usually is successful in managing excessive libido and mania, if the treatment is followed properly.

Second, and I don't mean in anyway to downplay your hurt or anger, but you need to take a little more self-conscious look at why your wife might have had an affair. I don't mean to imply it was your FAULT. It could never be your fault, but just from the little bit you've written, you do come across a bit controlling. You PUT your wife on a bus and shipped her, without a passport, to another country, for a 30 hour bus ride AWAY FROM HER SON!!!! That just sounds a bit mean. I mean you no ill, I simply mean to point out what that could seem like to other people.

In the meantime, while the two of you are putting your marriage back together, I'd really recommend some couples counseling. Get to the bottom of this affair, learn how to heal and get past it, learn how to help your son get over having his mother gone for such an extended time.

Best wishes,

Serafena

Oh, by the way, please don't write in all caps -- that denotes yelling.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


pvguy
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 11/30/2008 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your response. I guess the bit about controlling on my behalf comes from trying to put some control back in my life. My wife has always had my complete trust with out questions for our whole relationship. That was the shock to me. It is much easier to talk than write and In that itself I believe will make me a better person in coping with this situation. Having unbiased responses versus the people around you that care and do not want to see you hurt. They care but seem to fuel the situation to higher levels. I plan on doing everything possible to help my wife feel better. The only thing that I have done that was harder than this was having to take my mother off life support. I can not bring my mother back but will do whats needed to get my wifes life back.

this has helped me, thank you
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