does remorse and regret mean anything

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pvguy
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 11/30/2008 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   
  
    I WROTE MY STORY EARLIER AND AFTER READING WHAT I WROTE I NEEDED TO ADD THAT MY WIFE HAS BEEN A GOOD MOTHER TO MY SON. ALMOST LIKE A BIG SISTER IN PLAYING AND HAVING FUN. DOES REMORSE AND REGRET AND THE FEEL OF SHAME FIT THE PROFILE OF BP,OR IS IT THE FEELING OF GETTING YOUR HAND CAUGHT IN THE cookie JAR. I AM DESPERATELY FIGHTING WITH WHETHER IT IS A GOOD SIGN THAT SHE ADMITS TO HAVING A PROBLEM AND THAT THERE IS REMOSE AND THE SHAME. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE MADE A BIG MISTAKE AND WAS GOING TO HAVE TO PAY THE PRICE. IS THIS A POINT THAT A PERSON MUST GET TO FOR HELP OR AM I DEALING WITH A WOLF IN A SHEEPS SKIN

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/30/2008 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Generally, you won't know until she's seen a doctor and gotten an evaluation and a treatment plan. Not knowing her, I don't know if she's the lying type, or if she's just told this one big lie. Is she in a manic state right now? If so, it's hard to trust, but if you want to get your wife back and help her get treatment, then I would believe her in essence.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 11/30/2008 10:25 PM (GMT -7)   

 

PVGUY, While I have not read your other post, and I just visited briefly today and saw your note....as a spouse to a BP, I think I get it without needing to know more to answer this question you pose.  I would say the same for anyone by the way whether it comes to a BP or not - claiming to see the error of their ways and offering apologies.  The fact is this...once a person apologizes for ones actions, words, attitudes or such...it is not what they say anymore that counts, it’s only what they do.  In the case of a person potentially with BP, the action is whether or not the "revelation" changes their behavior and actions.  DO they seek a proper dx and treatment?  DO they own they have an issue and work towards understanding it and correcting behaviors?  Do they get conscious about themselves and day in and day out, even if not perfectly, work to stand by the changes they profess in their original apology?  Although we have not seen Dutchie and FootballFan for a while, here was a couple where the spouse who discovered they had BP did all she could do to get treatment, own her condition, stand by her sincere apology, make new choices that were in line with the life she claimed she “really” wanted.  Trust, she knew, would have to be earned back over time.  And from what they allowed us to see, I think we all felt her sincerity over time and believed the changes she was making were real.  It may do you good to read some of their old postings.  But the bottom line is, THAT is the measure, and I don't think anything but time allows you to know.  Once any revelation or apology is said, it is then whether the actions and permanent changes back it up for you to know what is real or trustable.  Does this make sense to you?

I wish you and your family the best and hope your choices are wise for you all.  LFW

 

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