Best friend troubles

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shebsy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 125
   Posted 12/4/2008 12:22 AM (GMT -7)   
I recently shared with my best friend what I thought of her when I was going through a psychotic phase (rapid cycling between mania and depression for 7 months). She was extremely hurt and said she did not want to speak to someone who had such a low opinion of her. I do not have a low opinion of her; I just told her what went on in my head during the phase. I am sure I will not go through such an extreme phase now because I am on medication. How do I explain to my normal friends the difference between my opinion of them and my bipolar opinion of them? Should I even bother sharing with them what I went through? I need to share my thoughts with my friends yet sometimes I feel like I will scare them away.

64dragon
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/4/2008 3:01 AM (GMT -7)   
There are many ways you could express that there are differences between the two parts of you, the more extreme phase or psychotic phase, and during the times when medication is working. Of utmost importance of course, is that you apologize and try to take responsibility for having said something hurtful. However, as someone who is bipolar and have experienced severe mania, I know how different a person can be during those episodes. You may be able to educate her a little on the things that can happen in the mind of someone who has bipolar, but also to let them know that more and more doctors are discovering that this may be more of a neurological disorder than a psychological disorder. What you say at that specific period of time might have more to do with your insecurity, your own interpretation of something on a subconsious level, or a severe magnification of a character flaw that she does posess. If you tell her of all her strengths that you admire, all the reasons you want to keep her as a friend, and how you have changed since your medications have helped, maybe she will see that she is very important to you, that you do think highly of her, and that you are on the right track to being well. Fear of it happening again may also be part of her not wanting to speak to you, assure her that you will keep a distance in the event one of these events occur, that way she doesnt fear that you will lash out at her again.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/4/2008 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Shebsy,

It's very difficult for people to understand the ins and outs of this disorder anyway, let alone that it can change our outlook so much as to make us feel very differently about our loved ones. I am not surprised that your best friend found it painful to hear your confession and confused about how to react. I think 64dragon is right. You need to try and connect with her again and stress the present and the good things about her -- why you like her so much, why she is so important to you. Ask her to forgive you and make sure she understands how hard you are trying to move on from that manic spell.

In the future, I don't think I would share those kinds of details with your friends. They could only serve to be confusing and painful to hear. I think you can share lots of other details about being manic, but not the ones that pertain personally to them. That will only make them mistrustful and anxious about how you really feel about them. I think it takes a special level of trust (like a spouse) to be able to hear those kinds of painful words and be able to move on.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/4/2008 9:07 AM (GMT -7)   
64dragon,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. We're glad you've joined us. How wonderful that you've jumped right in and started contributing!

Why not start a new thread and tell us a little bit about yourself and what you're looking for in joining the board. We're always glad to meet new people.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


shebsy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 125
   Posted 12/4/2008 1:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Serafena,

I appreciate the advice. I hope I don't have another episode though. Your and 64 dragon's post made me wonder why I had negative thoughts specifically about her and my father during my psychotic phase. I also had negative thoughts about some other classmates who were using me as their chauffeur, etc. but I did not have any negative thoughts about my other friends. Is it a bipolar thing or is it something to do with my relationship with those people?

Thanks,
Sheeba
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