Something I wrote: You may empathise?

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Mackem
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 12/12/2008 3:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Wish I'd written this yesterday when I was really down as it may have had more feeling but here goes:

Laying hidden from the world, looking upwards I feel the sky closing in. The world around is white noise, unwelcome and sometimes predatory.

The sky moves closer and darkness falls. A dense fog lurks overhead and brings with it its numbness of feeling. I sense the change in oxygen as my lungs struggle to breathe, and I shrink to half my size.

Where was the world I knew yesterday, or last week? Is this the same place? Are these the same faces? Is there anybody else there?

I call out from within my head but my mouth makes no sound. Part of me is happy with this. It enables me to wallow. I want to be consumed by this. The other part fights the pressure from all sides, the pressure that tries to cave me in, that tries to crush me.

I am exhausted, but I will wait for the darkness to pass and the storm to break. It will break.

Post Edited (Mackem) : 12/12/2008 3:10:03 PM (GMT-7)


marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 12/12/2008 3:52 PM (GMT -7)   
I like your writing.

That sounds like me when I feel like am going down and want to give up and let the depression eat me. Except you are more optimistic that the storm will break.

Good writing! :)

Mackem
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 12/13/2008 12:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi marthamae! Thanks for your kind words! :-) I think because I wrote this after I was down it is more positive as the storm is already breaking!

If I'd written it 24hours before I'm not certain I would have added the bit about the storm breaking.

Also, I didn't want to be too negative when I wrote it as I didn't want to upset people! With hindsight I should have wrote about how I really felt at the time...which was that this wasn't going to end!

I'm glad you liked my writing though! :-) xxx

How are things?

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/13/2008 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for sharing your writing Mackem. It really helps to get it out, but it also helps those of us to read it too, and know we're all in this together. Others feel the same way we do.

I appreciate it.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Mackem
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 12/13/2008 2:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Serafena! I hope I am of some help! I have more writing that I'd like to share. Its quite personal but I think that's the best thing about this forum!

I don't feel too bad today (after a dreadful week!) And that makes me feel like a bit of a fraud!

Is that normal?,

fast1toochase
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 12/15/2008 7:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Mackem, Your writting was great you said all the words i don't know how to get out. you covered everything that my BP makes me feel. thanks for the great words and thoughts. fast1

Mackem
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 12/16/2008 5:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Fast1!! Thanks for your kind words! They are much appreciated! Glad I can be of at least some help! I have more that I'd like to add! When I get home this evening I will write some up and post them on here! Probably about 8pm ish in the UK...dont know what time that is where you are??!!

Good speaking to you! Keep a look out tonight!

fast1toochase
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 12/16/2008 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
mackem, thanks for the response i look forward to hearing from you again. i don't know the time difference USA, but i check the post all the time. i'll keep my eyes open for your next message. fast1

Mackem
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 12/16/2008 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Fast 1 and Marthamae...Hello!! I have added another post with some new writing! You may wanna take a look!??? Hope things aren't too bad! Mackem :-) xxx

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 12/16/2008 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Bravo!  You described depression to a "T" or should I say "D"?  ha ha

But as all BP's know that keep trying everyday, it will pass and then we have hypomania to look forward to.  Doesn't it feel good after you have been depressed?  I think so, especially because I was so manic for so long i never had to deal with the depressive side, but as of late, it has been primary problem, along with some rapid cycling.  I have been on alot of different meds.  Newest one, so far is working well, I just hope it keeps doing a good job!  I like being as close to stable as I can get.  So does my family smilewinkgrin

Thanks for sharing your work, you are very talented.

Bp Gemini


Mackem
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 12/16/2008 2:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Bp Gemini! Thank you so much for your kind words! I have posted another piece on a newer thread! You may wanna check it out!?

I'm on a downer at the mo. Last week was really bad and just when I think I'm getting to a numb phase i slip back into a depressive state. i find it hard to remember what a high is like! I cant even remember how long ago it was??! I am confused!

I am yet to be diagnosed but have seen my doc and he has referred me to a psych...but ive never been so positive about anything else!

Great speak to you! Make sure you message! :-)

Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 12/16/2008 2:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Acceptance, medication (the right combo) and a positive mind set will get you thru this.  Goo dluck with your PDoc visit.  If you do not feel a good "connection" with your PDoc, find another.  Believe me, where I live, they are a dime a dozen.  It took three different PDocs and 18 months for me to accept, get on the right medication and make the most of everyday, bad or good.

Keep writing, I am always here for any of you to talk to, always wink

BP Gemini


Mackem
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 12/16/2008 2:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you! :-)

fast1toochase
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 12/16/2008 3:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow what a great message board. i am on the depression side at this momment, feels like it last the last few months. i can't wait for a hypo manic momment when i feel like i can do anything, and there are no painful sad thoughts. i want to feel the great power being manic. not the manic that gets out of hand just a little bit of joy. i guess i am just looking for calm feeling of happyness. i want to be free of depression. Mackem i look for your new post. have a great one lets all stay positive maybe things will turn for us all thanks!!!!!!!!! fast1

Mackem
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 12/17/2008 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks again! Hope today is a good day for you all! Ill post some more writing in about 3-4 hours!
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