I do not want to hijack Rocket's thread, but I did want to say hello to you and respond...
I am curious to know why you think your wife may be Bipolar, rather than suffer from depression alone. It just sounds like from what you describe - the anger, sleeping patterns, withdrawel from family activities, hateful behaviour at times - that this is more depression-related. Particularly if she's been able to hold down her job - it is common for those who suffer with depression to be able to keep going in their jobs regardless of the depression and then let it all out to those closest to them. Has she ever been on medication?
My husband suffers from Bipolar II / ADHD. I have been married 13 yrs and we have 2 young children.
You sounds like a wonderful father and an amazingly devoted husband as well. You must be very strong to handle the responsibilities of both parents and continue to be willing to do so. I understand your feelings for your wife, I have always loved my husband deeply as well and thought I'd do anything to make this work.
It must have been very frightening when you had the aneurysm and ended up in NICU wondering if you would survive. I don't want to speak for others, but it must be common that many of us wonder who would take care of our children if WE ended up being the person who needed help or support - if our spouses don't do well, don't change their patterns of behaviour, or are not serious about managing/controlling their illnesses. It's also scary because I am wondering if there was something specific that caused the aneurysm. Can something like that be caused by ongoing chronic stress in a marriage? I often worry about the stress I feel as a result of my husband's uncontrolled behaviour.
You have come to the right place for support and insight.