I just joined this forum today. I was diagnosed with bipolar 3years ago. I had to get to an extremely low point before I eventually decided to go to hospital and try and find out what the hell was wrong with me.
When I was in the hospital I was completely blank and devoid of any thoughts whatsoever. I actually thought I was brain damaged. Well that had something to do with the fact that I was messing with solvents for a while in the hope that they would kill me. I hated the feelings I was having. All the energy I had at the start of the year had faded and I was like a deflated balloon. It was my second time ever feeling depressed and I felt so desperate that I wanted to end everything coz I thought I would never feel happy again.
But I eventually came round with the help of meds. I'd like to end the meds now coz I feel that they sap me of my natural rhythm and energy. I'm almost always tired but I feel it depends on the weather too. I live in Ireland and it's almost always gloomy. But when I see the sun I feel the change immediatley. It brings my spirits up.
I love the hyper phase coz I have boundless energy and ideas and confidence to boot. I definitely believe there is a link between bipolar and creativity and even certain other types of depressive illnesses. I myself write poetry which is something I haven't done in a while. But when the mood takes me I could sit for hours writing. I love writing in diaries and writing letters. Some of my wackiest ideas come to me when I'm on the lighter side of this illness. When I found out it was Bipolar I wanted to know as much as possible. It turns out my favourite poet Emily Dickinson had it which is probably why I could relate to her poems in school=)
When I'm hyper I find my steps lighter when I walk. I find all these thoughts simply flowing through me.
On the other hand when I feel down... these thoughts turn against me and become negative. I can wear myself out thinking about the same thing over and over. If a person makes a comment about me I will keep thinking about it until I make myself cry. I don't have much energy when I'm down. I find I can't focus on things or concentrate on simple tasks.
Sorry if I've been rambling. I think it may be a hyper phase coming on. Well over due