I'm new to boards and need some help

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Breeze1
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/6/2009 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, everyone. I've read through some of the posts and they're helpful. I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with something like the following. I have some hypomania. Most of my life I've been diagnosed with clinical depression but the hypomania that my psych and my therapist are noticing may explain more than the previous diagnosis. In addition I've been getting help for past family emotional abuse.

Anyways, over 10 years ago I broke up with a boyfriend with whom I was having a long-distance relationship. I kept clinging to him even after the breakup and I know that he was the recipient of some of my co-dependency and, now, I believe, some of my hypomania (such as driving long distance to see him one night and then coming back the next day). I'm working through this old stuff. But, boy, is it painful. I have a very loving and understanding husband. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. My husband does know about the old boyfriend to an extent and realizes that I'm working through some abandonment issues with him. So, why the thoughts of this old boyfriend. I think some of it may be due to my hypomania telling me what I should do. I even have thoughts of e-mailing the old boyfriend and just letting him know that I still have feelings for him. What's wrong with me. Then I get depressed and feel like a dork.

mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 1/6/2009 5:33 PM (GMT -7)   
It's nice to meet you breeze.  I think it might be easier (for me anyway) to give you a better opinion if I knew more about you.  I see that you are under the care of a pdoc and a therapist.  Being a BP sufferer myself I think that is very important.  Are you on any medication?  Maybe the hypomania manifesting itself means a second look at your meds is in order??
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch


Breeze1
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/6/2009 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I am on meds right now. I'm increasing my dosage of Lamictal very slowly (I'm now on 150 mg) and will be decreasing my dosage of Cymbalta (on 60 mg right now but possibly getting off of that depending on how it affects me). I also take about 2-3 mg of Lunesta to help with sleep. It stinks to have to wait for all of this to settle, but I guess I have to be patient.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/6/2009 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Breeze1,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board.

I think ALL people have questions about why past relationships soured. But the question is why you're feeling especially bothered by it right now. Definitely hypomania may have a part in it, which is why you want to be careful not to give in to any unhealthy impulses. May I suggest some counseling? I think being able to talk about this with an objective 3rd party might help. How is your self-esteem? (Mine's crap, for the record.) I ask because I wonder if "settling" this question about the past boyfriend will help you settle something about yourself that's been bothering you for ten years now -- something that's really damaged your self-esteem? Maybe I'm way off the mark... But you don't need to talk to the boyfriend to resolve it. That relationship is done. What isn't done is your reaction, that's what you have to work through.

Edit: I see now you are seeing a therapist. Have you talked to him or her about this?

Best of luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Breeze1
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/6/2009 8:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Serafena. Thanks for the reply. I actually have spoken to my therapist quite a bit about my impulse to want to get back together with my old boyfriend. She believes it's a lot to do with unresolved abandonment issues, which I believe is a good diagnosis. I've had trouble for quite a long time with abandonment and enmeshment issues, so I guess it makes sense that when I'm most vulnerable (new meds, new diagnosis, all of that good stuff) I would want to go back to what I know. My current husband provides me with the healthiest close relationship I've ever had, so I'm assuming it brings up a lot of stuff for me and is pretty scary. I've contacted my old boyfriend and kept it strictly friendly and my husband knows this. I really don't want to go past being friendly, though. Well, I guess part of me does, but I'd be heartbroken if I hurt my husband since he knows everything I'm going through, including the abandonment and enmeshment stuff. I do think, though, that my hypomania just kind of magnifies all of this and makes it worse. It makes me really, really vulnerable to stressful situations. Yuck.

55555jlw
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 103
   Posted 1/6/2009 9:08 PM (GMT -7)   

DON'T DO IT.  DON'T SPEAK TO YOUR EX AGAIN.  IN MY EXPERIENCE, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE QUESTIONABLE CHOICES AS A SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY -- WHICH WAS NOT BEING WORTHY OF A GOOD HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.  (PAST THAT NOW, WHEW!)

YOU ARE WORTHY OF THE RESPECT YORU HUSBAND IS SHOWING YOU.  THE EX IS JUST A WAY FOR YOU TO SCREW UP AND FEEL AS THOUGH YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE- A DIVORCE AND BEING ALONE.

THAT IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU CONTINUE THIS RELATIONSHIP.  YOU EVEN STATED THAT YOU ARE FLIRTING WITH THE IDEA. 

SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE A GREAT HUSBAND AND YOU ARE FINDING YOURSELF.  FIND THE WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL PERSON HE SEES IN YOU, THAT OTHERS SEE IN YOU.  BE THAT RESPECTFUL HONORABLE PERSON. 

PRAY EVERY DAY FOR STRENGTH TO STAY AWAY, TO MAKE GOOD SOLID DECISIONS, TO BE A STRONG PERSON EMOTIONALLY, AND TO LOVE YORUSELF.  FORGIVE YORU PAST, IT WAS THERE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO LIVE BETTER NOW.

GOD BLESS YOU.  MAY GOD PROVIDE YOU WITH THE INSIGHT AND STRENGTH YOU NEED TO JUST SAY NO.  YOU CAN DO IT.  YOU CAN DO IT.

HUG YOUR HUSBAND AND APPRECIATE HIS LOVE.

JEN

 


DX in 2000,  on Pentasa only :)
daughter age 15 newly dx with Crohn's
 
 


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/7/2009 9:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Breeze;

You are playing with fire here. Take it from me, my wife done almost the exact same thing to me. It all started with just him (or so she says) finding her on myspace. He was going thru a nasty divorce & she was just "being a good friend".  Then they started e-mailing, then IMing, then, the next thing you know she is sending him pics of her from the neck down in tight t-shirts & he is sending her  very vulgar messages. She said it was all one sided, but I don't believe it. She enjoyed it way too muh to have not enouraged it. Of course when I called her out on it, it was all my fault beause I wasn't giving her the attention she needed (not true) & she was convined I was cheating (I was not). She would tell him all this stuff & he would beg her to come stay with him & leave me & so on. She actually left & went to a hotel one night after a fight of ours (again from the cheating accusations), she didn't stay, I kept calling her & telling her to come back home, she did later that night. The next day when I unpacked her suitcase, I found that she had packed a sexy bra & panty set that she hasn't wore in forever, I can only imagine why she packed it, as I have never said anything about it. But in my mind I know that if he wasn't 60 miles away & could have shown up at a moments notice, then stuff would have went down. This has been a year ago, & I am still not fully over it. She has always known I did not like this guy, I have always known that he resented me for marrying my wife when she should be his, she had always dismissed it, but he has proven that by his actions. She has almost no contact with him now & knows she was wrong for what she did, but that dark cloud still kind of hangs in my mind.

So the best thing I can tell you to do, based on my personal experiance, is that if you really, truly love & care for your hubby the way you say you do, then you need to tell the ex or whatever he is that it is inappropriate for you guys to be friends other then casual aquaintences beause of your vulnerability. You have a past with this person, but it is exactly that, the past. Unless you have kids with him then, that would change the dynamic of it, but you don't. I am sure you have your reasons for wanting to stay in contact with him. With my wife it was because she was sentimental for back in the day & her old friends & the fun they used to have, before I cam along & took her away & made her life boring(her words). I know you said your hubby says he is O.K. with the situation, but I can almost garuntee he isn't. Think about it, how would you feel if the situation were reversed. I cannot imagine what kind of hell would be unleashed if I had any kind of contact like that from an old girlfriend. Even an e-mail would be enough to open the gates.

Sit down and think about things, would it really be worth losing everything you have with your hubby for this other person? Just one tiny slip & you ould lose all of his trust, and may never get it back.  Everyone is different, but trust me, nothing good will come from this.

Sorry about the rant, but this really hits close to home with me. I hope you do the right thing.

Rocket  


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"

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