You are playing with fire here. Take it from me, my wife done almost the exact same thing to me. It all started with just him (or so she says) finding her on myspace. He was going thru a nasty divorce & she was just "being a good friend". Then they started e-mailing, then IMing, then, the next thing you know she is sending him pics of her from the neck down in tight t-shirts & he is sending her very vulgar messages. She said it was all one sided, but I don't believe it. She enjoyed it way too muh to have not enouraged it. Of course when I called her out on it, it was all my fault beause I wasn't giving her the attention she needed (not true) & she was convined I was cheating (I was not). She would tell him all this stuff & he would beg her to come stay with him & leave me & so on. She actually left & went to a hotel one night after a fight of ours (again from the cheating accusations), she didn't stay, I kept calling her & telling her to come back home, she did later that night. The next day when I unpacked her suitcase, I found that she had packed a sexy bra & panty set that she hasn't wore in forever, I can only imagine why she packed it, as I have never said anything about it. But in my mind I know that if he wasn't 60 miles away & could have shown up at a moments notice, then stuff would have went down. This has been a year ago, & I am still not fully over it. She has always known I did not like this guy, I have always known that he resented me for marrying my wife when she should be his, she had always dismissed it, but he has proven that by his actions. She has almost no contact with him now & knows she was wrong for what she did, but that dark cloud still kind of hangs in my mind.
So the best thing I can tell you to do, based on my personal experiance, is that if you really, truly love & care for your hubby the way you say you do, then you need to tell the ex or whatever he is that it is inappropriate for you guys to be friends other then casual aquaintences beause of your vulnerability. You have a past with this person, but it is exactly that, the past. Unless you have kids with him then, that would change the dynamic of it, but you don't. I am sure you have your reasons for wanting to stay in contact with him. With my wife it was because she was sentimental for back in the day & her old friends & the fun they used to have, before I cam along & took her away & made her life boring(her words). I know you said your hubby says he is O.K. with the situation, but I can almost garuntee he isn't. Think about it, how would you feel if the situation were reversed. I cannot imagine what kind of hell would be unleashed if I had any kind of contact like that from an old girlfriend. Even an e-mail would be enough to open the gates.
Sit down and think about things, would it really be worth losing everything you have with your hubby for this other person? Just one tiny slip & you ould lose all of his trust, and may never get it back. Everyone is different, but trust me, nothing good will come from this.
Sorry about the rant, but this really hits close to home with me. I hope you do the right thing.
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"