Let Me Start Over

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Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/7/2009 3:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Serafena and Olivia: sorry for not following the rules regarding the introduction of oneself in a new posting.
 
I am fairly new at this but the posts I have read so far have made me feel not so alone in my experience of living with a husband with bd. 
 
Up until I joined this forum and I had two crying sessions with two different girlfriends, I had NEVER discussed my husband's bd with ANYONE.  After this winter break, I decided I needed help for myself and that I am done being silent about bd. 
 
Tonight though, my parents, who have no idea about my husband's "secret" watched our three kids so we could go out to catch a movie.  I didn't know if we would go through with it since my husband usually changes his mind about going out with me at the last minute. 
 
Tonight I asked him how he was feeling and whether he went back to taking his meds every day as opposed to every other day.  He said he is :-) .  He also told me that when he's on the meds he feels numb and that that is why he stops taking them every day.  I very nicely told him that he needs to take them every day and that if he wanted me to go with him to see the doctor, I would go with him.  He said what for!!! Ugh. Obviously they need to be adjusted!!!  He said he's tried every thing there is to try and nothing has worked.  Is the numbing feeling common among others of you with bd?  I also very nicely told him that therapy with the meds would be a good idea.  Got no comment on that one...
 
I also told him that I joined a support group (you all) and he was actually curious to know what you all had to say.  I shared with him that what he and I are going through is common among couples where one spouse is bd.  I also told him I was going to get counseling next week.  I wasn't ready to ask him to come with me.  I also reminded him that when we got married I promised to be with him in sickness and in health etc and then i lost it and started tearing up so I stopped there.
 
Tonight I felt hopeful. :-)
 
 
 
I am a 34 year old woman married to a bipolar man.  2009 will be 10 year anniversary.  Three small children.  Seeking therapy for myself- finally.  Desperately want to keep my family together and save my marriage.  Husband doesn't want to go to marriage counseling.  Looking for support from other people with bipolar spouses.  Thanks.


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/7/2009 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Whyus;

Good to hear that things are starting to progress a little. I think you are on the right track. Keep your positive attitude, that will help you through. Enjoy and cherish the good times when you get them. Just remember that the bad times will still come, but maybe they won't be as often with him taking his meds the way he is supposed to. You ccan never really be prepared for it, but when it's semi-expected it is a lot less devastating.

best wishes,
Rocket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/7/2009 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Whyus,

Good for you!!! That was really positive. Even if nothing seemed to immediately change, you definitely left an impression, I bet. He's thinking about this now. I'm proud of you for being strong, broaching the topic, telling him about the support and the therapist, and letting him know what he should be doing.

It is possible that his drugs make him feel numb. If that's the case though, he needs different meds. He should talk to his doctor about that problem and try new meds, not change his prescription on his own. Let him be for a little bit, and next time it comes up, ask him if he's considered seeing the doc for a medication that wouldn't make him numb. Not every med would have that side effect for him. It's a matter of trial and error to find the right med.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/7/2009 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks you guys! Today has been a good day. We came in pretty late last night and then talked about what I shared before. Before we went on our date I offered to let him sleep in and I'd take the kids out all morning. He said he hadn't gotten a good nights sleep in a few days, so he took me up o the offer and he has been pleasant with me again. After reading all these posts on HW and doing some more research on my own, I will have a different attitude about my husband. I am going to keep reminding myself that alot of his "badness" is due to his illness and I will try not to be so bitter. I do love the man and I want to be one of 10% who stays married.

Hoping the therapist will help some too.

Rocketman: I realize that the bad times will continue to come around, but I'm hoping that I can educate myself so I can help him cope better and be more supportive. I keep kicking myself for not having done this years ago. I guess I was in denial.

Serafena: he claims he's tried everything and that all the meds make him feel numb and dull. I will let him be for a bit and then bring it up again about giong together to the doc.

Thanks again. Back later
I am a 34 year old woman married to a bipolar man.  2009 will be 10 year anniversary.  Three small children.  Seeking therapy for myself- finally.  Desperately want to keep my family together and save my marriage.  Husband doesn't want to go to marriage counseling.  Looking for support from other people with bipolar spouses.  Thanks.

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