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inertia
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 1/7/2009 2:50 PM (GMT -7)   
i've just been looking around the net for bipolar support groups, you seem pretty active here so figured i'd join up.  I've suffered from depression since i was 8 and spend most of my teen years in and out of therapy (my mother would pull me out during the evaluation periods so no one could diagnose what i had). as an adult i tried again when the depression got unbearable and was diagnosed as bipolar II. I'm on anitdepressants and was on mood stabilizers a few years ago but i havnt' been able to afford them since.
 
right now i've bottomed out (its a term i use when i'm at the lowest level of depression). I have a problem with self injury which i'm really trying hard not to do for the last few days. i ahve an apointment next week to speak with a councilor (i don't have medical coverage i'm just starting to use the state's provided medical places for low income people) and i hope she'll be able to help or at least point me in the right direction. i havent given up hope i just need to scratch along. my work has been suffering too, i don't go most of the time; i jsut can't take it.
 
dont' let my depsression worry you guys too much i have an otherwise good life. I have a wonderful husband who although dosn't understand my condition supports me and has stuck by me, i have a roof over my head, and many loving pets (which thankfuly are smart enough to have learned to hide under the bed when mommy throws a fit). i usualy enjoy movies, computer & video games, reading, painting or knitting and i've been working on writing fiction novels (nothing gets finished though...start workign while manic then it just all fizzles out).
 
and i'm sorry about the spelling.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/7/2009 9:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi inertia,

Welcome to the board and to HealingWell. Glad to have you.

I'm sorry you're having a terrible time with your depression right now, but please feel like you can write about it here -- we've all been there and can absolutely relate. I was a cutter, as well, so I know how hard it is to resist the SI, but you can do it, just hang in there.

It's good news that you're seeing a counselor next week. Hopefully they'll be helpful for you. This is such a lonely disease. So few people understand it, really. The more people around you who can support you, the better.

I'm a knitter too and a fiction writer too -- also with a problem getting things finished. :-)

Welcome aboard.
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


inertia
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 1/8/2009 3:33 AM (GMT -7)   
I really, and i mean REALY apreciate your support. I sadly failed my resistance to SI today. its so wierd to me almost hitting 30 yeas old and still doing this...most peole think of teenagers hurting themselves. I dont knw how to expalin it to someone who does not understand the pain I as a BI goes through; I know my pain is nothing special i jsut go about it in aother way. the Dr. at the clinic i went last week who recomended i got to the councelor was very worried about the condition i'm in and said i need to get on SSID (i dont blame him, i have been doing alot of reserch into mental health clinics in my area to for help and boy...i never relized how dibilitating my situation was). i can at least say that even in my darkest moment, i know and wait for the light to come trhough.

when i was a teenager i tried to commit suiced, i havn't tried sice; i dont think i want to try again. and now as an adult...even if i feel like i want to die, ithink of my husband. i don't want tha tfor him....ever; so i don't think about it.

I've been keeping a diary and completing a mood chart for each day to try and help with my diagnosis, support or whatver;even picutres if they need it. I live in terror of beign put into an inpatien facility, my blood pressure was so high when i saw the dr he almost wanted me on pills. i've been on paxil for a few years now; i'll give the another week but they dont seem to be helping at all. i fnothing improves by next week ill chek for other options; i know i can't go on like this. but :) none the less!


(Hi inertia -- I edited your post to bring it in line with Forum Rule #1: No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted. --Thanks, serafena)

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 1/8/2009 8:58:33 AM (GMT-7)


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/8/2009 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi inertia:

I'm so sorry to hear about the SI. It's alright though. Start a new round of trying to resist. See if you can go longer this time. I didn't even start until I was in my late 20's, so I know what you mean about age. I still struggle with it occasionally and I'm 36. It seems ridiculous, but then, those of us who have never learned to deal with our emotions properly, still need to work on that. I've been seeing a therapist for years and she really helped me with the SI. She helped me stop cutting, and if you don't have a therapist yet, I would work on finding one. If money's an issue -- look for one who works on a sliding scale.

The doc should prescribe you a new mood stabilizer with your Paxil. There are several now which are generic -- like Lamictal -- which you can get for $4 at many retail chains like Walgreens and Walmart.

Keep your chin up. While you're looking into mental health clinics, look for one with sliding scales. I really think you need to see a psych. When you see the doc, explain your financial situation and they can help you with your pills. Often times they will give you samples, or they can give you only generics, or they can point you in the direction of meds that have medication assistance programs.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


shebsy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 125
   Posted 1/8/2009 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Inertia,

Welcome to the forum. I have had many issues during my teenage years and still have many issues because of my bipolar. I have had suicidal ideation several times but was hospitalized only once for it. I was good at hiding my feelings so I spent 15 years of my life untreated and in intense agony. My parents were in denial that I had a psychiatric problem and they still think it is a temporary phase. I am currently going through a depressed phase so I can empathise with how you are feeling. Sometimes I forget about the good things in life when I am depressed.

I hope you get help from a psychiatrist and a counsellor. With bipolar it is necessary to take mood stabilizers with antidepressants.

I tried my hand at a piece of fiction but I was told that it was too depressing so I abandoned it.

Hope to see you around,
Sheeba

mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 1/8/2009 11:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome...and I am glad to hear you have a counseling appointment coming up.  I think that may help alot.  One thing I think you should consider is speaking to your counselor,doctor..about getting on another mood stabilizer.  With bipolar it is a necessity to truely get onto the4 road of getting and feeling better.

"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

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