Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 1/7/2009 9:31:21 PM (GMT-7)
I apologize if I offended anyone. I don't even remember what all I wrote. After I posted things continued on for about another 1 1/2 hour. More of the same. I want the man I married back, you are gonna cheat on me, I know how men are, I'm tired of being treated like a child, quit trying to be my daddy, I don't need you to be my caregiver. I tried to explain to her that caregiver is the role I have been thrusted into because of the way she has been lately. She hasn't lifted a finger around the house in over a month, except she cooked dinner the past 2 nights, other then that nothing. Not the dishes, laundry, picking up, taking care of our son, getting him ready for school, nothing. She stays in bead until 1 or 2 PM, says it is beause her medicine makes her so sleepy. I just let her sleep beause it's better then dealing with her if she gets woke up before she is ready. She got ill with me because I asked her the other day if she had taken her meds yet. I tried to explain to her I meant nothing by it, just hadn't seen her take them yet & was simply asking a question in case she forgot. I keep hearing about her ring & how I should be so upset & heartbroken that she isn't wearing it. I told her I just didn't believe she meant it. Of course this made her mad then she went on about how serious she was & that this wasn't just one of her episodes(her saying that tells me it is) & I'll know she's serious when the u-haul shows up in the driveway, when her disability comes thru she's outa here & I'll finally be free from your sorry a**, and by the way, WHY AREN'T YOU MORE AFFECTIONATE WITH ME?
A little while later she calmed down, & came back around to I love you so much & I just get so scared you are going to leave me over all this & my therapist says I lash out as a defence etc. etc.. I just get so tired of the roller coaster because I am always left reeling with all of this stuff. I am supposed to go see about a job today, but am so not in the frame of mind to do it, but I have to anyway. I am nowhere near having my game on for that. I am always so shell shocked after one of these episodes that my brain is always like pudding for a while after. I guess the reason I have such a hard time with all this is that I try to be a logical, sensible person that thinks things thru, & all of this just doesn't make sense. The things she says & the things she thinks, I just don't know where she gets this stuff.
Oh well, maybe today will be better(didn't I say that yesterday?). Maybe I will feel better after I shower & get cleaned up.