Husband was admitted tonight

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BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/8/2009 1:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Today I became very aware of the bad thoughts my husband has been thinking.  He said he's been thinking about hurting me and the kids and it's making him afraid to be around us.  I made a few phone calls - fudged the truth a little in order for someone to take notice - and the end result is FINALLY someone listened to him!  Whenever he's spoken to people about what he is feeling they just chalk it up to depression and anxiety but FINALLY we spoke to someone that listened!  Thanks to her (and me too I guess) someone in the health profession is taking notice.
He's been admitted and hopefully will get a bed in the psych ward so that they can "experiment" on different medications to stabilize him.
I am so happy.  So relieved.  I felt bad for him though.  He was so racked with guilt for having those feelings.  He even asked me how it made me feel to hear him say it.  But honestly, even when he told me he felt like he could hurt me and the kids, I had a hard time with it because I can just never picture him doing that... so I wasn't afraid - but it made me aware of how serious this is becoming.  Lucky for him i'm pushy as hell and got the ball rolling.  I don't mean that in a "toot my own horn" kind of way.  But that man needs an advocate and by God if I have to stand in the middle of the hospital and scream bloody murder for someone to take notice and help him, then someone show me where to stand that i'll be heard the most!  I think that i'm happy that I was actually able to help him.  I've felt so helpless watching him deal with this on his own for so long and have resolved in my own mind that I CAN'T help him but I can and I did.  We still have a long road ahead of us and i'm sure a few roller coaster rides along the way but we did it. 
 
I don't think I would have had the courage if I hadn't looked for some kind of support and I'm glad I found this place.  (this is my happy dance!! yeah )

Mackem
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 1/8/2009 1:55 AM (GMT -7)   
BD Spouse, your husband is in the best place at the moment as tough as it may be. These situations are never easy and you should feel proud at your strength and courage in fighting this with him! I will say a prayer that the situation gets better for you all soon! Much love, Mackem xxx

falling apart
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 1/8/2009 7:39 AM (GMT -7)   
That is great news! I have been trying to get my husband to seek that course of treatment voluntarily. He resents me for suggesting it, so I have put it in the hands of his brother-in-law/business partner. He is taking him on Friday for an assessment at a private facility about 3 hours away. The facility will keep him for 5 days -- longer if needed. They will do medical/chemical/psychological testing, therapy sessions and work with his medication.

I feel so out of control of something that has such a dramatic affect on me and my kids and our future! That is my biggest issue right now -- lack of control. I never thought of myself as a control freak, but when faced with something so huge with no say-so, no input, no control, it is SCARY! smhair

Good luck to you and your husband! Please, please, please let us know how it goes -- you know we are all rooting for/praying for you and your family!

Love y'all!!!! Be strong! Keep Posting!

Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/8/2009 7:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey BD spouce,

Hopefully this will help him. The three times my wife went in a faility like that, they just seemed to enable her behavior, but hopefully that won't be the case for you guys. At least there is some effort that is being made now & that is a positive thing.

Best of luck to you guys,

Rocket


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


falling apart
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 1/8/2009 8:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Rocket,

Please enlighten us! What type of facility did she go to? Was anything different when she came out?

I am just wondering if my husband will come back lovingly, forgiving and understanding that what I did was for our kids. Will he be better able to think through how his actions hurt us and can be quite damaging to impressionable children? Or will he come out with an "I told you so" attitude and hate all of us who encouraged him to go?

I am so freaked out right now (not by your comments, but by the unknown)!

If you can share a bit about your experience it may help.

Hugs!

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/8/2009 8:46 AM (GMT -7)   
BD-Spouse,

Good for you! That is exactly what needed to happen and you made it happen. I think taking some pride in having the strength to do it is called for. It's a very hard decision, but advocating for your husband, who has been making it so hard to live with, is difficult.

For everyone:

The hospital is a scary place to go but MOST of the time, if your loved ones go to a good facility, they come out with new medications and a more positive attitude. I've been only once, for suicidal ideation, but I can let you know what it was like for me. You see doctors every day. You spend your day in group therapy sessions and with small bits of supervised free time. Sometimes you get one on one therapy. The key, as with all things, is how open you are to getting better. I wanted to get the hell out of there and stop feeling like I needed to die -- so I was out in 5 days -- pretty fast.

It's totally possible that people just jump through the hoops, get their meds and get out, ignore the new advice and go right back to how they were before. It completely depends on the person. There's no way to know until he gets back, falling. I'm sorry. But most of the time, it's useful. Don't expect a complete 180 though. He's not going to turn into a new person.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/8/2009 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey falling,

I really don't mean to sound so negative about this, it really is a good thing for him to go & try to get some help. You should give yourself a huge pat on the back for helping him make this progress. My wife went to a private hospital that took are of patients with conditions like hers & substance abuse problems. She went because of suicidal thoughts. She spent her days in group sessions, & one on one every day with her pdoc. They had very limited contact with the outside world. Phone calls & visitations were only allowed for a few hours in the evening, & they were restricted to what they ould watch on TV during their free time. Unfortunatly, my wife didn't give them the full story while she was in there, she put on the happy face & told them what they wanted to hear so they would let her go home. (Except for the third time when she had to leave beause my company let me go & our insurance was going to expire.) Then when she got home it was back to the same old thing. Actually the first two times (she was in three different times between sept & nov) we didn't make it 10 miles down the road before she started up with the same stuff she always does. The second time she came home & it all erupted again & she went bak to the hospital 2 days later. They told her during admission then that after she was discharged whe would not be able to come back for 6 months because they didn't want her to form dependancy on them & the next time she went to the hospital she would have to go to the institution. The hospital wouldn't let me talk to the docs because she was there by her own admission & that it was up to her to tell the docs everything, not me. So I have no idea what the docs have talked to her about, just what she says(which always seems to suit her needs). She even told me that the docs told them that if smoking helped to keep them calm, then smoke away! Sorry, I just have a hard time believing that ANY doc would tell a patient that. Her mother & I went to a family session with her while she was in the second time & all the counselor was concerned about was my wife feeling like  her needs were being heard. The counselor didn't say anything when I brought up the violence & total verbal abuse from her, all she had to say was that when we notice her starting to escalate to tell her to calm down, I guess I just felt like the counselor should have agreed that this was unacceptable behavior. Anyway, all three times she has come home it has been with the attitude of "I'm gonna act like this because I have this condition & you are just gonna have to deal with it." She hasn't actually said that exatly, but has told me numerous times that she can't control things & the docs have told her that she won't be able to. Again it just sounds to me like she changes the story to fit her needs. I just can't picture a doc telling someone that.

Wasn't trying to be a hijacker there, just giving you the story of my experiance. I truly hope your hubby comes home with a clearer head & a good attitude. 

Rocket 


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 1/8/2009 11:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Good for your husband, I am glad he is getting the help he seems to need.  I hope he has a positive hospital experience.   But remember to be realistic with your expectations.  They may find a med that seems to agree with him, but it still takes sometimes many weeks to really be able to let a new med fully get into your system to see how your body does with it.  It is basically trial and error with meds for the rest of your life.  Right now mine are the right mix,, but I also know that can change at any time.  Godd luck to both of you and my thoughts will be with you that this helps turn things around.

"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/8/2009 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry for the confusion BD, I forgot who I was writing to & called you something else!
Rocket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/8/2009 9:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi BD_Spouse,

I hope they help your husband and get on the right meds so he can be a better part of your family. Praying for you.

W
I am a 34 year old woman married to a bipolar man.  2009 will be 10 year anniversary.  Three small children.  Seeking therapy for myself- finally.  Desperately want to keep my family together and save my marriage.  Husband doesn't want to go to marriage counseling.  Looking for support from other people with bipolar spouses.  Thanks.

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