He planned to kill us.

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BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/9/2009 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm really freakin out right now. I just received a phone call from the Ministry of Children and Family Development.  They had a meeting with my husband today and thought they should warn me about their conversation.  He told them that he was planning to kill me and the boys.  He had plotted, time and method of doing it right down to the end.  I mean I knew he had bad thoughts of "what if" but I guess it went farther than that.  I wasn't afraid until now.  I mean, I guess it's good that he's seeking help, but I mean what IF.  OMG.  What if he's hugging me and squeezing a little too tight so I ask him to ease up and he snaps at just that moment and does something like strangle me?
The ministry worker asked me out of the blue if I had any serious allergies.  I told him that I did and my oldest son did to nuts and peanuts and he said point blank - do not eat anything that he cooks for you guys.  He's thought of the perfect timing, ways to do it (suffocating us with pillows, drowning us, strangulation) and I don't know what to think.
 
Do people recover from this?  Is this part of BD?  Or another mental illness?  What do I do?  Obviously he's not allowed back at home until these feelings are gone........but the ministry worker too says that sometimes there is a calm before the storm and even though he may "seem" better, sometimes people that kill their family seem better before they actually do it b/c they've accepted it in their minds beforehand.\
 
Am I in danger?  OMG.  What do I do?  What do I think?
 
From the moment

From the moment i saw you,
I wanted to meet you
From the moment i met you, I wanted to know you
From the moment i knew you, I was in love with you
From the moment i loved you, I wanted to share my life with you
and from that moment to this moment and for the moments to come I will love you with all my heart.
-author unknown


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/9/2009 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   

BD Spouce.

No grey area here. Get a lawyer, divorce & restraining order. You & your family are obviously in danger. If he will openly discuss these things with someone then he is obviously serious. Is he still in the hospital? If so then that is great, he is in the right place & will probably be there for a while after telling them this, if they don't send him somewhere else. He is very ill & a danger to those around him & possibly himself. I know this sounds harsh, but holy smokes! My wife & I have had some discussions about this kind of thing. She has a cousin who is a BP. Her cousin snapped one time & ended up stabbing her husband, big surprise he divorced her. My wife thinks he was wrong to leave her because of her illness! I told her that I was sorry &  love her to no end, but if I was in that situation I would do the same thing.

This is no time for wishy-washyness. You have a very serious & potentially dangerous for you & your kids that needs to be fixed immediatly. God bless you & good luck.

Rocket 


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


falling apart
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 1/9/2009 7:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh my God! I am so glad he is in the hospital right now and you are safe. That is the case, right? How can the Ministry just tell you not to eat anything he cooks for you? Shouldn't they be telling you to get your children to safety and away from this? What are you supposed to do now? Is there any way to live with him again? I would be terrified. What if in my husband's evaluation (now he is going on Sunday, I'll believe it when I see it) he reveals such a thing. Is love enough to conquer that?

I know all BP sufferers deserve love, compassion, kindness and respect. But what do you do with this kind of information/situation?

Please, please, lease stay safe and keep your precious children safe!

(((((HUGS)))))

falling apart
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 1/9/2009 7:42 PM (GMT -7)   
After reading Rocketman's reply , i would have to agree. This is definitely a "Lightbulb moment".

Please be safe and keep us posted because we will all be worried about you!

You are strong and can do this!

BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/9/2009 8:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm just so confused.
I know that I'm in potential danger but at the same time he isn't home. He is still at the psych ward. The guy that called me said that it's good he can talk about it because it means he is asking for help. If he was keeping it to himself and just giving all the "right" answers then I should be really worried b/c it would mean that he plans to act on his thoughts and doesn't want anyone to know. I talked to him tonight and asked him how he's doing. They put him on Seroquel and he says although he feels better knowing that me and the kids are safe, he's really confused about the thoughts he's having. Why he's having them and where they are coming from. He said that he would never EVER willingly act on them and wants to get help to make them go away.
My mom said that it sounds like he has a hate-on for women. Maybe because his mom is such a B**** and seems to not give 2 craps about him. I'm sure she does love him in her own way but she sure can be a cold one. And since I'm the closest to him, I'd be the one to get the brunt of his anger when/if he ever snapped. I do see this and I do understand but i'm really having a tough time accepting it.
How can this man that I married that loves me and I love him, ever hurt me and the kids? I don't understand. I'm not jumping on the divorce train just yet as I feel as long as he is seeking help, there is hope. He does need some serious psychiatric help and thank God he's in the right place right now!
From the moment

From the moment i saw you,
I wanted to meet you
From the moment i met you, I wanted to know you
From the moment i knew you, I was in love with you
From the moment i loved you, I wanted to share my life with you
and from that moment to this moment and for the moments to come I will love you with all my heart.
-author unknown


4support
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 1/9/2009 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh BD_spouse...I can't even imagine how you feel!!  shakehead  All I can think of is that if I were in your situation right now, I would not hesitate to see an attorney and file a restraining order as fast as possible.  Illness or not, threats and a plan to kill his family?  That would freak me out and be enough to push me to take another step.  I already worry about the erratic behaviour if the person is not managing their illness.  But, in this case, for your safety AND the safety of your boys, you have to do something NOW.  How old are your boys?
 
I feel so badly that you are being forced into something like this.  Your husband needs serious help, and unfortunately you are taking too big of a risk staying around while he gets it.
 
God Bless you and your boys.  You know we're all thinking of you and here to help you any way we can.
 
Now I will tell you what you told me - BE STRONG.  There will be brighter days ahead.
 
Love,
 
4support

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 1/9/2009 8:45 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  No matter what you decide, know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. As i am sure that all who read this thread are keeping you in their thoguhts and prayers also. In the end you will have to make some hard, serious decisions. There are no perfect answers here, but you have to look out for your children and yourself first. I hope he is all talk, and that the stress of this desease is just causing him to act out. I hope he finds the inner peace to either move on or at least come to some kind of truce with his demons.

    Good luck.  Bill


Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/9/2009 8:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi BD Spouse,

I agree with happy bill. My thoughts are with you and keep us posted. I don't know what i would do in your case...
 


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/10/2009 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   
BD;
I can see why you think your hubby hates women because of the way his mother treated him. My wife's father was this way. We all think he had BP himseslf that was undiagnosed he definatly had some sort of mental disorder that caused a lot of the same behavior that my wife now has, only he chose to medicate himself with booze. What a lovely combination that was. So now my wife has all these issues with men that I am continually being crucified for. She has no trust in men because of this plus the guy before me cheated on her. Now that her father has died, she has no other man to project her anger to except......guess who. I mean it has always been there, but it seems to be worse now that he is gone.

I hope nothing but the best for you & the kids. Keep yourself strong. Sit and ask yourself the hard questions & all the what ifs. Weigh your options heavily. This is a very serious thing. He may come out of the hospital felling good & be a whole new person. That would be great, but what if he stops taking his meds because he thinks he doesn't need them because he feels better(as BPs are notorious for doing), but I think that is probably human nature to do that. I told you in my last one about my wifes cousin, she seems to be doing good now, but it has been about 15 years since that all happened. When she got out of the hospital(she was arrested over the stabbing) she then had community service for the charges. She ended up stalking the police officer that arrested her & got in more trouble. More time in the hospital & legal trouble. Now she is under a court order to take her meds, if she quits takeing them she will go to jail again. This will not be an easy rosd for you no matter which direction you go with it, but stay strong for you & your kids. Just be sure that you don't let your heart override your head, there is too much at stake here.

We're here for you, remember that.
Rocket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


shebsy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 125
   Posted 1/10/2009 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I have experienced the worst of Bipolar - a psychotic episode. But at no point then did I ever contemplate homicide. I was suicidal and was plotting ways to end my life, but never another person's life. Plotting murder of loved ones has nothing to do with the disorder. I have often wanted to hurt people around me but never in such an extreme and planned way. I think your should be careful because your husband has other very serious issues besides bipolar. Please keep us updated.

inertia
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 1/10/2009 4:14 PM (GMT -7)   
that is so horrible, i'm very sorrry you and your family have to go through this.

I'll have to lend my opinion to agree with the others. it sounds harsh but yes, you need to get a restraining order and some type of divorce or seperation. its not abandoning him. don't think like that. its protecting yourself and your children. you can restablish a relationship with him if/when he gets well; but until that happens dont' risk your own saftey (or your children's).

hommicidal thoughts (just liek suicidal ones) are nothing to take lightly...ever. there is no joke when someone says they want to go kill themselves; its no more a joke when they say they want to go kill their loved ones, sadly if you look at statistics spree murders are very often caused by biploars/sychosphrenics/or borderline personality disorders do not risk it.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/10/2009 7:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think we need to scare BD unnecessarily.

Homicidal thoughts are the flip side of suicidal thoughts. They're part of the psychotic end of bipolar -- rare but definitely possible. And scary as heck. I feel so terrible for you BD. You must be torn to shreds inside.

I too don't think you or your kids can be alone with your husband until he is clearly stabilized and okayed by a doctor. And you need to talk to a professional about how to proceed yourself. Call your counselor for an emergency session. It's done all the time -- totally kosher. But get yourself out of harm's way. Don't feel like you can "fix" this. You can't. Only hospitalization, doctors, time and treatment can.

Please keep us up to date on how you're doing. You're in my thoughts.
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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