BP & Insecutirties

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Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/11/2009 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I have a question for the women with BP/husbands of a BP sufferer.
Do you/your spouce have severe problems with self esteem & insecurities about looks & appearance. I am just curious if this is common for someone with BP to have this. I know it is a typical female thing (no offence meant) but with my wife it seems to go way beyond that. There are times where she will just start crying & going on about how fat & ugly she is. The reason I am wondering if it is linked to her BP, is because according to her, the reason she feels this way is all my fault. She even told me one time it was my fault she was overweight! I am always being told how I don't compliment her enough (i do all the time) & I am always judging her because of her weight (I have NEVER said anything about her weight.) & she knows I am checking out other women & wishing I was with them. Usually this passed easily, but sometimes she will start in personally attacking me verbally (another reason I think it may be linked) & will escelate from there. I usually just go in the other room when she starts with the attacks, sometimes it works & sometimes it fuels the fire. Her mother has told me she has always been like this since her early teens & I know she has been like this since we have been together, no matter what her weight was.
 
Anyway, just wondering if this is something common or not.
Rocket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/11/2009 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm not BP so maybe I don't understand but coming from a woman's point of view, we're fat. Stupid, but true. Even the skinniest girls are fat to themselves. I wouldn't be suprised however if her self perception was a little more severe based on her BD. Not sure what you can do to convince her otherwise - but by the sounds of it, you might not be able to. This just might be another "thing" you have to put up with until she gets help.
From the moment

From the moment i saw you,
I wanted to meet you
From the moment i met you, I wanted to know you
From the moment i knew you, I was in love with you
From the moment i loved you, I wanted to share my life with you
and from that moment to this moment and for the moments to come I will love you with all my heart.
-author unknown


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/11/2009 10:22 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with BD. She's blowing the ordinarily self-esteem issues that many women have up, because she's having mood swings too, and lashing out at you. Just as she does with most things that bother her. I do a similar thing, but not to my husband, I do it to myself -- I'm a self-injurer. I can't go into specifics, but suffice it to say I take my frustrations out on my skin. I'm sorry you have to live with this constant attacking. She really needs to get help. Please be more insistent.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/11/2009 10:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey BD;
Thanks for the reply. Yeah I know it is usually a female thing, or a human thing for that matter, I know I even get feeling bad about myself sometimes. I know I'm no blue ribbon hog, but I don't dwell on it or beat myself up over it. Like I said, just the fact that it all gets blamed on me is what is so curious about the whole thing. I guess it is just the fact that I am the man in her life & men are the root of all evil. The thing about it is though, is that I dread watching tv with her sometimes, a sitcom where someone cheats, commercial with bikini clad women, movie with a nude scene, a 1800chat commercial, any of these things can set off an episode. The insecurities are so bad that they make a peacful existance so hard sometimes. I have already accepted a long time ago that this will not go away. What I don't understand though is that she makes herself so miserable about these things, but doesn't try to do anything about it. She has a treadmill, ab slider, excercise trampoline & lord knows what other kind of excersise stuff but never uses it. I know that sounds like typical male buttholishness, but it really isn't. I honestly do not care about her weight, I love her now, just like I loved her before, but like I said I don't understand how you can be that "miserable" & not try to change the thing that is making you that way. I am one of half the country that always says I'm gonna get in shape & start excersising & blah blah blah & never does, but I'm not always going on about how much I hate myself either.

Not trying to rant, just trying to understand.

Thanks again
Roceket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/11/2009 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey serafena,
Thanks to you as well. She is getting help with things. Her PDOC increased her risperdol the other day, after she finally told her therapist the full extent of what was going on with her, so hopefully that will make some difference. I think they will probably add a little to her diagnosis as well, possibly skitzophrenea (hope I spelled that right) I'm guessing because of the paranoia. Like I said, I am just trying to understand things with her a little better. I guess I just take a little more practical approach to things. If I don't like the grass being tall, I cut it, if I don't like the color of the bathroom, I paint it, if we need some extra money, I work some extra o.t.(when I was working). If something is really bothering me, I try to fix it. She joined curves a couple of years ago & was doing really good until she strained her back & never went back, but complained about going every time & would make sure to tell me how much I should appreciate it because she was doing it for me so I wouldn't cheat. One of those things where you just kinda go oookaaay, & go on. As I was saying, the fact that she has the same behavior with this as she does with so many other things made me wonder if there was a connection.

Thanks as always
Rocket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


inertia
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 1/11/2009 11:13 AM (GMT -7)   
sadly when a BP has self esteem issues i think it goes beyond the typical female complaint of i'm not skinny enough or pretty enough. that is sadly a regualr womanly complaint :)

When i do my downward swings my husband has to put up with how stupid i am, that i'm a failure, that i hold him back from his potential and hes better off without me..etc,etc,etc. weather the anger is faces inward or outward its concidered dilusional and is a common problem with BPs. when we have our mania days that dilusion goes into over the top urge to suceede and self importance type of feelings.

Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/11/2009 11:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Inertia,
I am so thankful that everyone is so open & helpful with things. I have had so many questions answered that have always been a mystery before I joined up here. This place is so great. I can honestly say that this is one of the best things I have done in a long long time. The openness & honesty & compassion we all show for each other in order to help others while we help ourself is truly an awsome blessing.

Thanks again,
Rocket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/11/2009 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   

I'll tell you a secret! 

**BUT my disclaimer is that I don't know how this would/will work on a BP female with body issues (not that they are any different but I know that they maybe he harder on themselves).**

When my husband comes up to me and hugs me and tells me how beautiful I am (AND HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART) out of the blue, my heart soars.  The fat skeptic in me wonders what he wants blush (lol) but the woman in me that wants to be desired by my husband gets a need met at that moment that can't compare to many others.

You can take that and figure out how it will fit into your life, but honestly - EVERY WOMAN wants her man to fight for her, to convince her day in and day out how much they are loved.

((HUGS))


From the moment

From the moment i saw you,
I wanted to meet you
From the moment i met you, I wanted to know you
From the moment i knew you, I was in love with you
From the moment i loved you, I wanted to share my life with you
and from that moment to this moment and for the moments to come I will love you with all my heart.
-author unknown


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/13/2009 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey BD;

Thanks again. When I do those type of things, sometimes it is accepted & sometimes not. I can always tell when she is enjoying getting a hug (she hugs back) or when she is just letting me hug her (she pats my back). I know every woman has their own little insecurities about the way they look, but hers going way beyond that is what makes me wonder. She won't even go to the grocery store or Wal-Mart by herself because she is afraid people are staring at her. I have to go everywhere with her because she does not want to go by herself. What is a little strange about it is that it has to be me that takes her. She won't go with her friend, she won't take her mother with her, it has to be me (I guess that's a compliment). Like I said, it's not just the weight issues, it is just total insecurities about seemingly everything. 

Thanks again;
Rocket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


snugglycub
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/16/2009 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
That's me!

Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/16/2009 6:52 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey snuggly;

How so? Please elaborate some for me if you don't care.

Thanks;

Rocket


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"

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