I am so incredibly sad....REALLY bad week....

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loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 1/12/2009 1:32 AM (GMT -7)   

 Well, the start to my 2009 has not gone well.  My job is suddenly not going well due to the fact that my boss, who I got along famously for the first 5 months of my job is now hostile, rude and unprofessional to me for no apparent reason.  He seems to suddenly be taking all his resentment in life out on me of late – of which he has admitted doing and has even said he doesn’t know why he has picked me.  I came back from time off which I earned, and he seems QUITE resentful about it and has begun insulting my job performance now.  I have been yelled at consistently for the last 2 months, cursed at repetitively, and a general growling at every turn.  We had a talk about it Monday and even though he has acknowledged it as inappropriate and wrong on his part, to various degrees he is still doing it.  His behavior strikes me as quite BP out of control as it shifts around constantly, but as I am not a pro, other than being the wife of one and mother to another, therefore I can not make that call.  I do know that to stay in this environment is not acceptable.  On the flip side, I am making good money in this economy and feel an obligation to my family.  Now, my H says he wants me to resign; we'll handle the money somehow – but I am carrying the insurance now and COBRA is costly. 

 

Then after this accelerating even more this week and lasting throughout the week consistently, I got a call Friday morning that a dear friend committed suicide.  This has taken me completely by surprise.  I was unaware that she suffered from mental illness, a few friends in out group knew but never shared it with the rest of us, and I had known her since high school!  We are talking 34 years now.  We spoke together about my S and H both being BP, and the challenges I faced dealing with this.  The challenges they faced having it, and we all faced as a family.  She was always loving and supportive.  What she didn't reveal however was SHE was also BP and when through our lives together  she was ill, it was due to debilitating depression. I was always lead to believe it was something like a blood disorder or cancer type of thing as she claimed it was nothing anyone could help with she just needed to rest.  So, as our wide group of friends started to speak to one another trying to cope with this tragedy, a different picture than the one I knew was slowly being revealed.  I am SO very sad.  Not only I am considering seeking new work, I now have to face the loss of my friend. 

 

As I sit here and write this, I recognize that I have to get some sleep to go to work tomorrow and face the day of whatever may come my way, and possibly quit.  I was proud of the work I was doing and was acknowledged for it being excellent.  But I can not continue to work for a man who, while brilliant in his own right as a doctor and the medical corporation he has built, would be so heinously unprofessional to behave as he has to me.  I have worked hard for him and his company, and I am clear it is HIS issue.  But I am human, and it still hurts, and I can not allow it to continue and I have no control over him. 

 

I also know that I will have to find a way to say goodbye to my friend and reconcile in my heart what she did.  I will miss her.  I am angry she didn't trust me to share she was struggling with this given how much experience she knew I had with this, and I am angry she did not reach out for help.  As a mutual friend said, “She chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem!”  There was so much love available to her from SO very many who loved her, support was at her fingertips…all she had to do was reach out. 

 

Sadness is in my heart at the start of 2009…  The one bright spot has been that my H has been wonderfully supportive and kind throughout.

 

Thanks for listening.  LFW 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/12/2009 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
LFW:

I am so sorry for both your troubles. I can definitely support you quitting your job, but recognize your hesitance given the economy and your family. But no one deserves to be someone else's punching bag, and as you say, this man has even admitted it. That's just cruel. You can't put up with it in the long term in any case. Is there any way to find another job first?

How horrible to hear about your friend, and I don't blame you for feeling a little betrayed by her secret. You'd think that if she told anyone, she would have told you. Alas, she clearly had many things on her mind that she wasn't telling anyone, and it tore her apart. Her wounds must have been great.

I'm sorry you're having such a sad start to the year. Keep us in mind and let us know how you're doing. (((hugs)))
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 1/12/2009 10:30 AM (GMT -7)   
LFW I am so sorry you have so much on your plate right now.  The loss of someone close, due to suicide is always very hard, especially when seemingly out of the blue.  One thing you must remember  is that her illness is exactly what kept her from reaching out.  I suffered for so many years and the guilt and shame and wrong thinking kept me from asking for help.  I felt I was just bad, when you are down in that dark place, realistic thinking and good judgement rarely happens.  And then when you pull out of it, it is usually to a manic high...and why ask for help then when you feel on top of the world.  As you already do with your husband and son...continue to blame the illness and not the person (assuming she was under medical/psychiatric care).  She did not ask to be thrown to such desperation.  I hate to hear of BP sufferers getting so far in despair....but remember we can also be master manipulators.  I could have won an oscar many times for putting on such a wonderful,well-adjusted facade...when really I was hiding inside a mental state that was a few steps from suicide.

sad  

As far as the job...it sounds a bit on the borderline of harrassment.  I wouldn't blame you for checking into your legal rights regarding your working conditions before you quit.  No one deserves to be treated such as you are at a job!

Take care
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch


Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/12/2009 12:32 PM (GMT -7)   
LFW,

My prayers are with you. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and your crummy work environment. It would be a good idea to seek help from your human resources dept to file a complaint. In this day and age, that type of behavior and treatment from a boss is unacceptable and most companies have strong policies in place for dealing with that type of problem. Take care.
 


inertia
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 1/12/2009 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   
:::BIG BIG GIANT HUG!!:::

Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/12/2009 7:10 PM (GMT -7)   
LFW;
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds like you done as much as you could to try to help her. There is only so much you can do for someone when they don't want your help. Stay strong thru this & tak about it if you need to. I haven't went thru anything like that myself, so I don't think there is really anything I can tell you that would be of much help.

As for your job situation, I can feel for you. It makes it so hard to go to work every day when you know you are going to be treated like that. You said he has aknowledged his behavior & apologized for it. Maybe you should just tell him that it has become so bad that you are going to quit if it doesn't stop. Maybe that will rattle his cage enough to calm him down. I don't think I would quit unless I had something else lined up already though. With the economy & job market the way it is who knows how long it mmay take to find something else. I don't think I would go to HR about it, but that's just me. I have found that doing that will come back on you & then they will really beome an a**

Best wishes to you on all the turmoil you are faing.

Rocket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 1/12/2009 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone for your kind support. Yes, it has been rough of late. Saddness is still a part of me.

I went to work today and could only handle a 1/2 day. But tomorrow I will do better I am sure. I saw my therapist today and had a good cry and got a lot out of my system. Yes, I have begun looking for another job. When I find one, I am out unless during that time it turns around in a permanent way. I saw my son's pdoc today and he saw the stress on me and in the medical community around here knows my boss even though their specialties are so different. He said, for whatever it is worth, this is not the first time by far he has heard this about him. Which means it is a pattern and I will certainly not be the one to break it I am sure. I also will not put up with it for long either and then it is HIS loss - for he will loose an excellent executive employee within his corporation.

Thank you again. LFW

4support
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 1/12/2009 9:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear LFW,

I can just hear your pain in your words, LFW.  I am so sorry you are facing such hardship right now.  As if you weren't dealing with enough already! 

It's heartbreaking to hear about your close friend.  I lost a close friend of mine to MS not too long ago, and I understand how you feel.  I wish she would have realized what a support she would have had in you if she would have turned to you for help.

As for the job, that makes life rough as you are there everyday and should have a pleasant work environment and boss.  Life is too short if he keeps acting that way.  I would definetely have a calm but firm talk with him, and elaborate that you love your job and feel you bring value, but you cannot continue to accept the treatment you have been receiving lately.  Hopefully he'll be receptive!

Just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts and I'm sending wishes for strength and guidance your way...

My sympathy to you again for the loss of your friend.  Life can be so rough, can't it?  God Bless.

Love,

4support


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 1/13/2009 9:55 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear LFW,

I’m really sorry for all you are going through right now. Never mind that it is the first of the year. This is no indication of how the rest of the year will be for you. It started off terribly and that is that. You must continue to forge ahead and believe that things will get better for you.

I’m am very sorry to hear about your friend. It happened so suddenly and I’m sure it is a shock to learn all that was involved with her that she never shared with you. She was mentally ill and no one in their right mind can take their own life away. I’m sorry it came to that for her. I can understand a little why she would not want to share things about herself even with those close to her. It’s not your fault or anyone’s that she didn’t share this information. I too do the very same thing. It’s a very personal decision.

As far as work is concerned, I feel very bad for you. I understand that we all face great difficulties financially during these tough economic times and I totally understand your stand about needing this job for your good income and affordable health insurance.

I would have another discussion with this person and let them know, as you have told so many of us that you do not deserve this type of treatment and that if he doesn’t change his tone with you, you will be forced to discuss this matter with his superiors. You already spoke to him once and he settled down a little bit. Maybe it is time to just go over his head and speak to his superiors now. You are happy there and well respected for your contributions by others and NEED your job. Jobs are very hard to come by right now. Don’t let this one person do so much possible damage to you and your family’s life.

Good luck with everything. Please keep us posted. I wish nothing but the best for you and your family. I understand all the pluses of holding on to this job. This person needs to shape up and it’s time somebody should take actions against him.

((((BIG HUGS))))

~sukay~

P.S.  I just read the post before mine from "4support".  I really like what this person said. They picked all the right words! 


~sukay~
 Bipolar - August 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 1/13/2009 9:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I am in upper management with this company. Well, at least I was until he demoted me I suppose in his mind and told me I "plug" him in now - so he snaps and is trying to avoid me. But, the bad news is he IS the superior. He's the "BIG" cheese as it were and owns it all! I work for HIM. I suppose time will tell. I have begun the process of keeping my options open for a new position elsewhere.

As to my friend...the heart will takes what it takes to heal. I will miss her and her spirit, and am working hard to hold on to the beauty of her that I knew.

Thanks for the love and support during such a difficult time. ALL your words have been comforting. LFW

4support
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 1/13/2009 9:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi LFW,

Love and peace to you tonight.

4support
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