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falling apart
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 1/14/2009 9:04 AM (GMT -7)   
cry

I just got a call from the facility that is treating my husband.

I am now officially "cut-off". He has deleted my name from the list of people who can receive any information regarding his treatment/care. He has also deleted his sister from the list. Our only hope is that he kept his brother-in-law/business partner on it.

This just devastates me......Yes, I knew he would be angry.......but now, it is like he has disappeared from my life! I can't even ask how he is doing! To top it off, our home (which is under construction) is due to be completed in 2-3 weeks. I don't how I am supposed to handle that financially.

This is so sad!

mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 1/14/2009 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry you are going through so much.  I am hoping that this stage of his diagnosis and treatment does not last too long.  When he is better able to think clearly and the meds have started to make a difference...you will be back on that list.

"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 1/14/2009 10:35 AM (GMT -7)   
I am sure it hurts, but I think this shows you really need to think about legally (financially) protect yourself.


Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease
...I will find a way, or make one. -Philip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
Make sure your suffering has meaning...
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...

Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 1/14/2009 10:38:36 AM (GMT-7)


4support
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 1/14/2009 10:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh falling,
 
I know exactly how you feel - cut off, isolated, betrayed in a way, hurt, confused, angry?  Here you are, the one person who would be there by his side to help and support him, and it feels as though he has turned on you, doesn't it?  I feel so much for you.  Accept that you have absolutely no control over what is going on right now.  Accept it and let it go while you pour your energy into managing the other things in your life.  Make all the decisions to finish your house on your own if at all possible.  You just cannot rely on him right now.  I am so sorry you are going thru this, I know it must feel devastating!
 
Just my husband not signing a release for me to talk with his therapist/doctor is devastating enough for me.  I imagine he would do the same thing in this situation.
 
Are you seeing a counselor?
 
Hugs,
 
4support

4support
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 1/14/2009 10:37 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi again falling,

I'm sorry, I knew you were going to therapy...I hope it gives you some measure of comfort in a very difficult situation.

Love,

4support


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/14/2009 11:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Poor falling,

I wish I could say anything to give you some measure of comfort. I know you must be grieving. Take care of yourself. We're all here for you! ((hugs))

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 1/14/2009 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry, if my previous post was insensitive to your feelings I just wanted to make sure you are protected.
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease
...I will find a way, or make one. -Philip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
Make sure your suffering has meaning...
All suggestions/options/opinions are caveated with please consult with your local health care provider...


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/14/2009 6:51 PM (GMT -7)   
((HUGS))
Don't feel rejected by this even though it feels like it. Take this opportunity to think about yourself for a while. Go get your hair done or a massage! The last little while has been really stressful and you've only been thinking about your husband so take this time to think about you. You will feel better. I got my hair done when I was feeling sad. Then I got a McFlurry and a movie and had a hot bath and relaxed. I thought about my husband and even squeezed out a few tears, but it's ok. It's ok to feel the way you are feeling it's just important that you don't let it consume you. You are still an individual without him and even though it feels like he's hurting and you want to help him, maybe this is something he needs to do to get better?

((HUGS)) Keep coming back. Let it all out here!
From the moment

From the moment i saw you,
I wanted to meet you
From the moment i met you, I wanted to know you
From the moment i knew you, I was in love with you
From the moment i loved you, I wanted to share my life with you
and from that moment to this moment and for the moments to come I will love you with all my heart.
-author unknown


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/15/2009 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Falling;

I'm with BD on this. It is very sad what you are going thru right now, but as I keep saying, at least he is somewhere getting treatment & being taken care of. His lashing out & you and your family is part of this, in a day or two he will probably be calling you again. Like BD told you, take this time for YOU. You have been dealing with this for a long time, so now some things that you wanted to do, but couldn't before. Not saying take a European vacation or anything, just some simple stuff that you wanted. When my wife went in the hospital the first time, I repainted the  bathroom, something she wanted done & we had the stuff to do it, I just never had the time. I had to take vacation days from work beause I was on 3rds & didn't have anyone to watch our son overnight, so after I took him to shool, I had the whole day to myself until time to pick him up. I gotta be honest it was really refreshing & a break I really needed from the grind of my life (pay attention 4support! lol). Find yourself a project to occupy yourself & clear your head out some. I know you have a lot of things kind of in limbo right now, but that's o.k.. Don't let yourself get down. You are doing all you can, the rest is up to him & the docs. Stay strong & you will get thru this.

Best wishes;
Rocket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


falling apart
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 1/15/2009 11:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you guys!  I actually started laughing when I read your posts -- the McFlurry comment got me started and the European vacation mention kept me rolling.  Boy, I needed that!
 
I have been taking some time for myself -- got a mani/pedi for the first time in YEARS (my mom forced me to go -- thanks mommy!).  I have been teaching (substitute) which I love!  Today I am in my sons' classroom.  These kids give so much back it is unbelieveable!
 
I also spoke at length with my aunt today.  She is the parent of a someone with BD.  Her insight was both terrifying and comforting.  I know I will be leaning on her a lot.  I told her about this forum.  I think she should join.
 
Lastly, my husband's cousin called today.  He was so sweet and helpful. He reminded me how much my husband lvoes me...
 
I needed that!
 
Thanks! 
 
 

BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/15/2009 12:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Well i'm glad we were able to make you laugh. And as tough as it is right now, take it one day at a time. If today isn't the day he calls you and begs you to visit then that's one more day you get to spend at your son's school, or another opportunity to get a pedi/mani or even make a counselling appointment. Do you have a local Ann Davis that offers counselling or some other women's institution that will help you? ((HUGS))
From the moment

From the moment i saw you,
I wanted to meet you
From the moment i met you, I wanted to know you
From the moment i knew you, I was in love with you
From the moment i loved you, I wanted to share my life with you
and from that moment to this moment and for the moments to come I will love you with all my heart.
-author unknown


falling apart
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 1/15/2009 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I've never heard of Ann Davis......but I have a whole lot of support around me right now. I know I will be okay. I have been in touch with our local State Patient Advocate for mental health. She has been really helpful and is trying to get any information she can legally pass on to me. She is also very helpful in getting an action plan together if we should need emergency mental health services in the future.

Thank you all again! I am just trudging along one day at a time. My 3 kids are doing very well right now. I just cannot believe how great they are some times! My counselor wants me to start really educating them on BD. Does anyone know any book titles geared toward kids regarding BD? They are 11, 10 and 8.

Thanks a bunch!

falling apart
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 1/15/2009 3:20 PM (GMT -7)   
one more thing......MMMNAVY, I did not find your post at all insensitive! Don't worry. There are a lot of issues we have to face when married to someone with BD. I now you are coming from a protective place, and I totally agree. I am working on it! Thanks!

BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/15/2009 4:32 PM (GMT -7)   
http://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/mental_health/mh_publications/supporting_families1.pdf

It's a booklet you can download and it and print it - but it's really big! So maybe read through it online first.

I like it!
From the moment

From the moment i saw you,
I wanted to meet you
From the moment i met you, I wanted to know you
From the moment i knew you, I was in love with you
From the moment i loved you, I wanted to share my life with you
and from that moment to this moment and for the moments to come I will love you with all my heart.
-author unknown


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/15/2009 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
ps, it basically tells you what a child sees at different ages when a parent has a mental illness
From the moment

From the moment i saw you,
I wanted to meet you
From the moment i met you, I wanted to know you
From the moment i knew you, I was in love with you
From the moment i loved you, I wanted to share my life with you
and from that moment to this moment and for the moments to come I will love you with all my heart.
-author unknown


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/15/2009 7:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I love a mani/pedi. Do your toes look gorgeous? If your toes look gorgeous, everything feels a little better. Good for you for getting in a little time for yourself.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things and collecting the people around you who have your best interests at heart. It's really going to be okay. If he doesn't come around right away, that's all right -- it may take him a little while, but he is healing. You're going to get there.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


shebsy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 125
   Posted 1/16/2009 7:13 AM (GMT -7)   
There is a book called "The Bipolar Child" by Dr. Wes Burgess. I found it pretty good.

Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/16/2009 9:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Falling Apart,
 
I send good vibes your way.  I agree with Serafena that when your toes look gorgeous everything feels a little better!  It's good to take the time to pamper yourself.  I hope today brings you brighter things.
 
Whyus
 

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