Hi EZ and welcome to the boards. First off, you have no reason to feel guilty for things you did in the past. The past is the past and there is no changing what we used to do. Before I was dx at age 37, I loved the highs but along with that came the hurting of family and friends for most of the things I did. Since my dx I have had to appologize to alot of people. Most accepted my appology, which I am truly thankful, and the few who did not accept the appology I have found were not my true friend as I thought they were, so I moved on.
As far as bp being a "mental illness" I refer to it as a chemical imbalance. I am not ashamed of what I have, it's not like it was something I went out and got on purpose. It came to me. Looking back all the way to my early teenage years I can see the pattern of the imbalance as clear as day, but again I can't change the past.
Look ahead to the future it's a whole different way of life than we are used to and the future is what we do with it now. In 10 years are you still going to say during the last 10 years I have hurt so many people or will you be able to say those last 10 years are the best I can remember?
Anyway I could keep rampling on but won't. So go out and have fun with no regrets. And congrats on completing college, that in its self in one huge jump in the right direction. Use what you learned and have a great life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything; they just make the most of everything
that comes along their way!!"