Question about manic episodes

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boxedin
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/20/2009 12:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone.  I am new to this board, kind of looking for answers, advice.  I haven't been diagnosed as being bipolar, but after a recent bought of really BAD depression, I'v been wondering.
 
I've been thinking back over previous times and years and all the problems I've had, etc.  and the thing that keeps coming to mind is the times when I have done some extremely energetic physical things and then wondered how in God's name I accomplished them. I felt like I was blessed with some great physical gift and could do anything.  For instance, I was 42 at the time, my husband was away on business and there were 126 bales of straw in the field to be picked up.  I had gotten agitated and angry because the man had cut it at the wrong time and it was going to rain.  I took our truck, picked up all 126 bales of hay, stacked it 5 high and never blinked an eye.  I did all this in less than 2 hours.  Then I wondered how in the world I did it.  I have had several episodes like this where I have become agitated and physically accomplished some really extreme things.  All in anger. When I am not in that state, I don't have that kind of strength and energy.  Is that something like a manic episode?  I feel I am above the laws of physics, like a "superhero" if you will when I am like that.  Like there is no limit to my physical ability.
 
Any insight?

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/20/2009 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi boxedin,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. I hope we can offer some advice and some community for you.

Without a doc's evaluation, there's no way to know if it's bipolar or not, but bursts of energy like that are sometimes symptoms of mania. Does it last for any period of time? Do you get depressed following these outbursts? Usually bipolar works in cycles and when you go "up" you need to go "down," and vice versa. But again, I'm not a doctor. Do you find yourself getting agitated or angry to the point where it's irrational and interferes with your daily life? If so, it might be hypomania. Are you feeling at all manic right now?

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


boxedin
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/20/2009 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Serafena,
Thank you.
I know no one can diagnose me here, but I am wondering if I need to actually seek help.
Today, I feel like I am headed for an anxiety attack. That is something that has started occurring within the past couple of years(taking 5 HTP for it and has seemed to help).  I feel agitated, even though I don't know why. I shake alot.  I want to be left alone.  Just a day or so ago, I felt extremely depressed.  I have been depressed for awhile, now.  This time it was to the point of wishing things were REALLY over. I have had thoughts in the past but nothing so "heavy". 
The outbursts don't seem to last that long, after I exhaust myself.  It seems the depression returns.  I always seem to have a cloud hanging over me.  I have felt this way forever.
I was physically and mentally abused as a child, ended up with anorexia and bulimia, then did some drugs and drank my way through my twenties among other things. I would take some really stupid chances that actually put my life in danger alot of the time. I didn't really try to change any of that until I met my husband and had my two children.  I would, however have crying spells, depression then get in moods where I would slam and throw things and thought everyone was out to get me.  During my second child, I became extremely depressed, took off and left my husband and ended up in a safe house. My husband, never abused me at any time. I returned home.  There were lots I couldn't handle.  Step children, my parents interfering, trying to split us up, and on and on.  If I feel really agitated or extremely angry I do something to physically exhaust myself to try and keep from slamming things or throwing things. I go in high gear and can't slow down. 
It seems as if all is getting worse.  My mother in law lives with us and has Alzheimer's .  I really am having a real problem dealing with watching her go through this.  Thus the depression and this welling up of anxiety is overbearing.  Sometimes when my children and I are in the truck and driving somewhere I start chattering and can't shut up. I am extremely tired of talking but can't quit.
Maybe this all seems jumbled but I never stopped to really think of the instances or put them into perspective.  The thing that really got my attention to question it all was these thoughts of ending things.  I came across bipolar disorder when I was looking for help. Thinking I might really need some.
 
Not sure where to turn but scared to death.
 

boxedin
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/20/2009 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   
I've also put myself on St. John's Wort, Valerian Root, S-ame, Ginko Biloba and Gingsen to try and help.

missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 1/20/2009 3:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey! I would go to a Psychiatrist if I were you just to check it out. That is the only way you will know for sure what is going on. It can't hurt to go see one. I also would be careful about all these natural things you have put yourself on. Some of them can have a negative response especially when mixed like that. So be careful with that. I have done some of the things you have mentioned like the constant chattering and rambling and sudden bursts of energy. I am on medication now that controls that. So if I were you and really worried about it, go to a pdoc. That is the only way to get absolute resolution. Keep us posted and good luck.

Hugs,
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/20/2009 6:39 PM (GMT -7)   
It sounds like you have enough reason to be curious to venture a trip to the doctor. I highly recommend you see a psychiatrist and not just a gp -- psychs are far more accurately trained in bipolar which is tricky to diagnose and treat. I'd say go easy on those herbal treatments too. If nothing else, you could use some medical support for the anxiety you're clearly experiencing.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


boxedin
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/20/2009 6:58 PM (GMT -7)   
I have talked to my husband before about talking to someone about the anxiety/panic attacks I was having if I couldn't handle things.  I am just wondering how I would afford one.  I have insurance, but will they cover it, I wonder.  When I went to see a psychiatrist when I was a teen, insurance decided they wouldn't cover it so I told everyone I was fine, even the psychiatrist(who knew I was lying).  I didn't want to have it thrown into me by my parents how much my mental health cost.  So the problems continued and got much worse.  Anyway, I'm so afraid of being labled as crazy or something. I live in a small town.  Do I see a family physician first?  I don't have one.  Any advice greatly appreciated.  Thanks for the input.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/20/2009 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
You'll have to check with your insurance to find out if they cover mental health visits, but my guess is they will. Most do. I can appreciate being afraid of the label. But you have to think of it this way. You're dealing with illnesses, not with stigmas. If you had diabetes, you'd go get it treated, wouldn't you? You wouldn't put it off just because you were ashamed of being labeled "Diabetic." It's the same thing with mental health. Psychiatric professionals are bound by the same rules of privacy, just as every other doctor is, and are often all the more careful about their patients' privacy because of the stigmas. But it's just a name, just a label. It doesn't have to mean anything to you, other than a diagnosis that you can treat. Which is a whole lot better than no diagnosis and no treatment. If anyone is nosy enough to ask you what you're doing at the doctor's, tell them to mind their own business. You don't need a family doc first. You can make an appt with a psych directly, unless your insurance says otherwise.

Hope this is helpful.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


boxedin
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 1/20/2009 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Serafena.  I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, I really appreciate it.

Simon's Dad
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 1/22/2009 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
BoxedIn,

Check around for organizations which provide services on a sliding scale based upon income.

Not knowing where you are I can't help you with the search.

One possibility is Catholic Family Services - no, I'm not Catholic - they don't care about whether you are religious or not.

They offer counseling services at a reduced cost. For instance, with our ridiculously low income, they offer counseling services for $50.

While they don't provide medications, they may know of psychiatrists who provide their services at reduced cost.

There is another organization here, named Provident. I have an appointment with them next Thursday for a first visit and the cost will be $20 per session.

I am currently seeing a psychiatrist through a organization named the Family Mental Health Collaborative made up of area hospitals, Catholic Family Services, medical departments from the various universities in town, and other organizations.

Because of our very low income, they completely cover the doctor costs, and provide me with the prescriptions he orders, for free. They actually mail the prescriptions to me. The only prescription they have not provided so far is Vyvance, a stimulate the doctor put me on when he pulled a diagnosis of ADD out of the air. A month of Vyvance had no effect on me.

For some reason, the stimulant is not one of the drugs they provide for free. I had to get a free 30 dose introductory to get the medications. We couldn't afford it at $146 for 30 doses. It's a good think it did not help me - we could never have afforded it confused

Check with the hospitals in your area. Ask them if they, or some organization they know about, provide physic services based upon income.

Are there any universities in the area which have medical programs? If so, contact them.

Call the county health department.

Don't worry about how these people will view you, just call and ask them if they have, or can point you at, psychological services with fees based on income.

You may find someone who can provide counseling and has a working relationship with an MD or a psychiatrist, for medications, who will work with you as regards cost.

Hope this helps.

Bob

P.S. While it is great that my doctor and prescription costs are provided free, it is definitely "ungreat" that our income is so low that we qualify for it.

I have been working with computers since 1973. You'd think I would be making 6 figures somewhere but my depression (or as the doctor now thinks, bi-polar) has prevented my getting and keeping a job since 1987 when my career was derailed by --- well, that is a very long story.

Suffice to say that I would trade the free services for a job where my skill and abilities would let me not only bring down the big bucks, but also give me some of the fulfillment I had in one job in particular from 1976 to 1985 when another company bought us out.

The next job was a poor choice and on the next job I worked for 9 months without a manager - I had been reporting to the director of the data processing department at the 1976-1985 job and he didn't manage me but instead set the direction for me and the department and I took it from there.

Anyway, I took a job where the manager I interviewed was removed from the position a week before I started and I worked for 9 months without a manager and then they hired someone from whom I would not have accepted the job offer had I interviewed with her.

She found and way and got rid of me.

I interviewed for a lot of positions but wasn't offered any of them and then I just gave up. That was in 1987. I've done some computer work on my own since then but my strengths are technical, not marketing, so I can't find clients and most of those I do find don't call me back after the initial work.

Didn't mean to add so much in this P.S. Guess I'm more down today than I realized.

Post Edited (Simon's Dad) : 1/22/2009 2:03:49 PM (GMT-7)


bipolardude73
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 1/23/2009 8:27 PM (GMT -7)   
hey boxedin!
I used to be the same way before I was "officially" diagnosed. I used to manage a convenience store many moons ago and would work several loooong 24 hour stretches without a wink of sleep and oftentimes wonder how in the world I did it. Heck, my manic episodes got me through college too, but my depressive episodes almost got me kicked out due to attendance problems. I would make an appointment with a psychiatrist asap and don't worry and don't be scared, there are tons of people with BP and many people who will help you. Also, be REALLY cautious with the herbal stuff- St Johns Wort makes me so depressed I can't think straight.
Diagnosed with Mixed Bipolar Disorder with hallucinations, PTSD, OCD and Major Depression since 1994.

Always feel free to email me- sometimes an email just to say Hello is the highlight of my day.

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