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BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/21/2009 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I was going to call my husband tonight against everyone's advice but what I was going to say to him is that I love him but this is it for me.  This is it.  He needs to do treatment or he can't come back.  After treatment we have another big job of maintaining his sobriety and his mental illness and that in itself is going to be hard enough.  If he doesn't do this now, then we can't be together.
 
I only worry that I will not be able to follow through but this is getting to be too much for me.
 
OR
 
Do you think I should NOT call him and wait until he calls me again and just see what he says before I put forth the ultimatum?  I wonder if maybe he's just having a hard time adjusting and was in panic mode and wanted to run - but maybe as time goes on he'll be ok...??


"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/21/2009 1:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Wait. Wait the 7 days and let him get on with his treatment a bit. Don't sabotage the treatment with threats about his marriage right now -- there's plenty of time for that after he gets out. You have lots of time for ultimatums, let him concentrate on himself right now.

just my opinion,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


4support
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 1/21/2009 7:09 PM (GMT -7)   

I agree with Serafena, from my experience it's best to wait until he's stable to talk about anything significant, particularly life changes.  I know it's hard...try to hang in there for a few more days and let's see what happens.

Love,

4support


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/21/2009 7:15 PM (GMT -7)   
true enough. i did call him today though as soon as he was allowed calls and he sounds MUCH better. more settled. i didn't feel the need to say anything about our relationship. i only meant that if he was threatening to bolt i would tell him that if he does then we're done - if he's willing to stay then all is well (for now). i just can't handle him coming home.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 1/22/2009 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Be patient, let him do his treatment & get leveled back out. Take this time to get your priorities set as to what you want life to be like when he does get home. Set your mind on what you will and won't be able to live with &  stick to that. If the unacceptable behaviour starts up, that is the time to present your ultimatums, if it doesn't then even better. For now though, just chill some, enjoy this time that you don't have to worry about him & live on pins & needles with his behaviour. Worry about what happens when he gets home when he does.
Take care,
Rocket
"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"

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