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rimanquez42
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 1/22/2009 4:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I've posted in the past... but just a reminder about me. I've got BP rapid cycle (don't remember if I or II). I am married to someone with BP, SAD, panic attacks, PTSD (will not go into), OCD, and agaoraphobia. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed and feel guilty that I need time. I end up feeling tired all the time because I work 50 - 60 hours a week and then take care of my children, do the house work, and make/pickup dinner. My wife has been going through a particularly difficult time over the holidays. She didn't even give me a Christmas present. I also just found out that I achieved a major milestone in my profession and she doesn't seem to notice/care. I know that I shouldn't feel depressed about my workload and just wanted to vent a little of my frustration.

Thanks for listening.

Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/22/2009 10:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi rimanquez42. 
 
Well I congratulate you on your career's milestone.  I'm sure you earned it, deserve it and worked hard to get it!  Hoorray!!!  You should be very happy for yourself.
 
Perhaps your wife will come around eventually and congratulate you as well.  Give her time.
 
Take care.
 
 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 1/23/2009 9:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rimanquez42,

Congratulations on your success. I'm sorry to hear that things are very tough around your house right now. What kind of support do you and your wife have? Where can you try and alleviate some stress? Can you hire someone to clean house, for example? Does your wife see a doc and therapist? Do you? Are you both on meds? When were they last updated?

Wishing you well,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


rimanquez42
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 1/24/2009 7:36 PM (GMT -7)   
My DW and I currently have little in the nature of family support... It is getting better, but this is just due to our recent announcement that we will be moving by the end of the summer. When we move my family will be much more able to help. My mother was a social worker that had 3 or 4 Agaoraphobic clients and the rest of my very large family lives where we will be moving. We are both on meds... but I'm not certain that she is taking her meds... she is much more likely than I am (I suck at remembering them and really get depressed about how much slower I am when I take them... but take them non the less...) She was going to therapy 1x a week... but over the holidays that stopped. It is partially due to her getting sick... but she has been "better" for a week now and seems no more likely to go out than before. I have trouble keeping track of when her med checks are, but she gets them at least every three months.

The worst part is knowing what I should be doing to help her (encouraging, pushing, helping make goals, etc.) and not actually being able to do them for fear of causing more harm than good.

I was a bad husband for the first few years of our marriage by not paying attention to her needs/desires to leave the area and being generally distant with her, so I feel like anything she needs has already been earned by my past.

I just feel a deeper depression coming on and have no clue how to curb it. My therapist is trying to get me to reconnect with myself, but I have no clue who I am/was.

Thanks for listening to my rant

desparate for help
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2013
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/10/2013 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I am a mother of a beautiful daughter age is 30. My daughter has been what seems like a mental breakdown for the last 4 years...she has been diagnosed as bipolar, depression, PTSD and now agaoraphobia....She used to always be dressed and make up on and hair done and now she maybe showers once a week. She used to be a social butterfly and now doesn't leave her room. she has had to give custody of her daughter to the babys father because she is not capable to caring for a child. my daughter is now estranged from everyone in her family including me...when I say that I am literally sick to my stomach and in pain it is not an exageration....as a mother this is unbearable...we barely speak because of all that has happened...she is in a volitile relationship and I have told her that once she is ready to get out of the relationship I am there to help her but I cannot be involved until then...she has agreed to leave the relationship but she wants to be close to me. I do not have any idea of a place that she can go where they will counsel her and help her get back on her feet. I have learned that she has to do it on her own I can't do it for her. she lives 3.5 hours away all I want is to get her to this area so I can rebuild this damaged relationship and help my daughter get healthy the right way. I do not even know where to begin with this. she has no medical no job no income at all. I apologize for jus rambling on but I just ache over this

Living Well
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 1275
   Posted 12/10/2013 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   
hi DFH, possibly the only way to endure this torment is one moment at a time. there are various techniques to help us through dark nights of the soul. One thing you can do is spend at least 5 minutes each day, reflecting on all the happy moments you have witnessed your daughter experience over the past 30 years. You'll be surprised how many good memories there are when you deliberately turn all your focus to them! Secondly remember all the times when she endured through rough times and made good decisions for herself. Really feel those times again when she was happy and she felt competent and worthwhile. Try not to get too caught up with the specific diagnoses. Essentially she suffers from depression and anxiety and they are both very treatable and manageable. I don't deny she may have a very long road ahead but every small step is to be celebrated. She can get through this... and I know as a Mum, just how horrifying it is when our kids go off the rails... nothing can sicken us to the stomach more than seeing our kids in trouble, not coping, unhealthy and unhappy. It is despairing! For you it might be the sense of despair and hopelessness you need to fully experience and accept for yourself. Your love and concern for your daughter are still your justifiable emotions for you to work through for yourself. You have every reason to be afraid for her safety and wellbeing. But you may need to give yourself just short breaks from the worry. One thing you might want to do is write a deeply honest letter to yourself about all the emotions you feel about this situation. You may want to put the physically put the letter away in a "worry" box for it to look after 5 minutes, knowing that you will get it back shortly. Plan something enjoyable that totally consumes your focus for those 5 minutes. It is like a psychological power nap and don't underestimate how powerful it is for us to know that we CAN disconnect from even the deepest despair for 5 mins. The other thing you can do is visualise your daughter safe and happy. You do not have to work out how she get there... its just for you to conceptualise her getting through this difficult time. If you get in touch with her natural resilience and start talking to that essence with her, you may get further than sharing your fears with her... (even though accurate feedback also has its benefits). See, she may be so lost that your hopes and fears (and expectations) may seem like an additional burden to her as she finds her own way through humdingers of illnesses. Loving her and worrying so much about her may have the unintended effect of her feeling guilty on some level for her illnesses putting you through so much. She would also most likely have to have some sense of inadequacy and grief at not being able to look after her own daughter. Some of us may know what it is like to be caught in the grips of an abusive relationship and not feel we have the strength to break free. She would have to feel bad being treated the way she is; but her fear would be so high and her self-worth so low. She may even be blaming herself for being abused and she would be wanting and trying for her relationship to get back to the good times in the beginning when he seemed like Prince Charming. There are a lot of psychiatric and psychological factors impacting on your daughter so be patient with your process through it. At the root of it your fear is probably of your daughter dying and you feeling like you didn't do enough to help her. Only through managing your own emotions will you be able to be a genuine support to your daughter because as parents we naturally want our kids to follow the path that we feel is best, to minimalise our anxiety about there wellbeing. We only want to see them healthy and happy and enjoying the life we brought them into. When they are adults and they aren't safe, happy or healthy it can be so hard to know how much to support, guide and protect... and I believe you are capable of identify what balance will help your daughter the most. Essentially you may be her only life-raft but try to understand the other factors she has bearing down on her and know that no matter what happens to her IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. She needs to find her own way through this and your power and control over this situation is minimal. You can only set firm boundaries and be a consistent person in her life while she is being tossed around like a cork in a rough sea. She's lucky to have a mum who loves her like you do :) xo
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desparate for help
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2013
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/11/2013 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear living well...thank you for your kind words...I have the boundaries set and she doesn't like them and because of them we rarely speak...I tried rebuilding our relationship all to be rejected when I stood by my boundaries. It has been months since she has spoken to me until yesterday when she reached out to me stating that she needs "to feel my loving arms around her holding her"....please understand that nothing would make me happier. It is unfortunate that at this point because of previous situations I never know whether she is reaching out to me because she means it or because she is in trouble again or because she needs/wants something. It feels like emotional blackmail. I try very hard not to tell her what she needs to do and to ensure her that no matter what has happened I am and always will be her mother and I will always love her. It breaks my heart that my love and support just aren't enough. My vibrante beautiful daughter is stuck in a room somewhere and she is for the most part fine with that...I had promised her yesterday that on my way home I would call her and I did and she did not answer nor did she call back, not even a text today...
 
 
Again thank you..it just helps typing all this out
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