A few of you may or may not remember me but I joined healingwell.com last year. I was a junior in High School last year and when the school year ended I no longer had access to a computer. Things were getting better though and I was on medication again. I was seeing my in-home therapist and I was beginning to go out with my friends again. I was having such a good summer. I felt so good. I started dating the guy that is now my current boyfriend and I got back in contact with my godmother daughter. But I should've known... I should've known that there is no way things could continue to go well for me.
1. My mom kicked me out for the 10th time and this time she did it in front of my in-home therapist, how embarrassing. The police told me that since I was 18 she is legally allowed to kick me out.
2. I moved in with my god mothers daughter, her daughter's husband, and kids.
3. I enrolled into the high school where they live. I was hoping I could attend the same school as my boyfriend considering he lived like 5 minutes away from me but that wasn't the case. He went to a TechSchool and I started at LowerHigh.
4. My boyfriend and his mom began to fight. My boyfriend is also Bipolar and on medication. His mom is a drunk. She began to say rude and hurtful things about me, to me, and around me. This mad my boyfriend angry. He never wanted me to meet that side of her.
5. I found out my god mother's daughter is addicted to pain killers. And within a week of living in her house I began to have to care for her two year old and five year old son more than she would.
6. I took a trip to the hospital because I had purposely hurt myself and didn't want it to get worse. I was medically cleared and sent home.
7. My boyfriend had multiple conversations with the local police because of his mother and he to had to take a trip to the hospital. He took a few, about three within a two month period. Every time he was mentally cleared. He only went because his mom would get drunk and call the police saying she was afraid of him and that he was going to kill him self. I was always there, he never said such a thing.
8. I ran out of medication and my social worker couldn't get me more. I had to wait two weeks.
9. I began to get angrier and more depressed every day. I bottled everything inside. I began to feel like the bottle was going to burst open. Two days before I was suppose to get my medication, I hurt myself. This time it was worse. I went to the hospital and had to go through the most painful experience in my life. Never again will I attempt suicide. My boyfriend stayed with me all day and night. But when we found out I was being sent to Carrier Hospital he had to leave.
10. 7 days in Carrier and I couldn't wait to go home and try to fix every thing.
11. I was home again and things didn't change at all. No one cared that I was still hurting except my boyfriend. I found out that I couldn't attend school I was being placed on home bound but it was going to take two weeks for that to take action.
12. A month maybe not even after being home from Carrier my boyfriend was arrested for and incident that happened between him and his mother. Three days after his arrest I was kicked out because I wouldn't give the people I was living with my boyfriends bail money so they could buy more pain killers. I had to take the money and stay at a motel over night. The next day I went back to my mom and begged for her help. She let me in.
13. My boyfriend was released from jail after ten days of being in there. All the courts wanted was for him to keep up with his mental health and never go near his mom.
It was two days before thanksgiving and I couldn't think of any where else to go but to my moms. It's January now and both him and I are still living at my moms.
She hurt me so much growing up. I was beat so many times by her in this house. I hate it here but it's the only place I have to live. I don't know how I feel anymore. Sometimes I feel pain, hopeless, joyful, furious, etc.
I don't think I'm ever going to get better. I'm still taking my medication, seeing the doctor, and my in-home therapist but I just feel like I will never be able to escape this hole I'm in.