This sounds a lot what like my wife and i went thru so good luck and i hope it helps him calm his inner demons this time. There is no magic bullet for this disorder, what works well for one may not work well for others. But there is a grain of hope in that statement also, there are a variety of drugs that may offer him some relief.
My wife told me that it was easier for her to let go the "angry wife" once i was diagnosed with BP. Allthough hurt by my actions she understood that i wasnt in my right mind. That being said it was up to me to get help and to stick with it. Thats where i earn my forgivness every day.
I was the same as your hubby, manic was my default setting. I couldnt envision a different way to live since this was the only way i knew. The hardest part for me was to "let go" and trust that there was something wrong with me. Sounds simple but trust me, no one wants to find out they are BP.
Well good luck, hopefully the fact that my wife and i are still together, doing very well now that i am on medicine, will help you thru this difficult time. There is always hope.