I used to think cheating would be the deal breaker for me.....but it didn't really turn out that way. Ultimately, I may not be able to get past the anger, hurt and mistrust. It may be what actulaly does our marraige in.
The only reason why it hasn't so far is because it was obvious that my husband was so far out of control that he was truly on the verge of losing EVERYTHING (me, kids, sister, mom, his business, home, cars, etc). I felt that I really needed to help him stabilize and get back on track. So far we are taking those little tiny baby steps. Today he even went back to work! Yay!
I am still so hurt and bitter though. The kids and I are staying at my parents' house for the time being. We do, however, go home after school and stay through dinner (I cook and everything). I help him get prepared for the next day, make sure he takes his meds, etc. Then we drive up the road to my mom's for the night.
It is a bizarre situation, but we have adjusted pretty well. The kids would rather skip going to our house and go straight to MiMi and Poppa's , but they understand that daddy needs our love and support.
He is very depressed and I feel guilty leaving him home alone, but, you know, he has not even apologized for his affair yet. He has not dealt with how his actions have hurt me. I wish he would at least try to understand why I am not jumping back into bed with him and living like everything was fine. I try to explain it, but tonight he just got this blank stare and then started crying. It was sobering for me to see him just cry and not be able to express why he felt sad. Ah, I digress.........
It is going to take more time to figure out where to draw that line in the sand.......I will just have to live in uncertainty until then!
Thanks for listening (a.k.a. reading)!
Hi falling apart. Thinking back to different scenarios in the early years of our marriage, before kids, when my husband was not loving with me or he had one of his angry outburts where I thought he might just loose it enough to raise his hand at me, I remember thinking that if he did just that, it would be reason enough for me to walk away from the marriage. He never has raised his hand at me. Here I am. Ten years later and 3 kids later.
Before I decided to really research this illness and figure out what the hell was really wrong and was he really meaning all the mean things coming out of his mouth and before I found you all on this forum, I was really considering just taking my three kids and leaving him to deal with himself. Obviously, I am committed to helping him through this so we can live in "harmony" and our family can stay together and our marriage can "work".
I don't have any answers. I just hope I can continue to be strong enough to help him be "happy". But, I have asked this before, who's gonna make sure I'm happy? I guess I'm in charge of that too.
Continue to be strong falling apart.
For my wife and I, we have always said that the two dealbreakers would be cheating & substance abuse. I would like to think that I would stand firm with this, but you never know. A year ago she had an online thing with someone from her past & I'm still here, but if it would have went further then that then no. With the substance abuse, I would try to get her past it, but if she wasn't trying, then no. It's amazing what you will put yourself through for the one you truly love. I always think of two things a couple of freinds of mine said before.
"Love is an obscure concept used by rational people to explain irrational behaviour."