Welcome to the forum. If you read through some of the past posts. you will find that you are definitely not alone.
It sounds like your wife went for a time thinking she could handle the diagnosis and control it on her own. I am not surprised that, that failed. It takes a lot of patience on her part and yours to get to that happy medium where you find the right combination of meds.
Remember, and remind her that the medication can sometimes take 6 weeks or more to see the true affect. The litium may make her zombie like for a while, but tell her to stick it out (with any medication) and see how her body acclimates to it.
I felt terrible for the first month or so when I first started my mood stabilizer but now, a year later I know I can't live without it. And I have to keep up with 3 daughters aged 6, 10 and 15.
Therapy would also be a good resource for both you and your wife. A place to vent those frustrations that go along with BP, without having to take it out on eachother. I know my husband learned some good coping techniques by going to my therapy sessions with me sometimes. It helped teach him more about the disorder.
I hope you both are able to stick it out until the right medication combo is found. It takes a lot of patience!
Yours is one of those posts that makes you chek the name to see if I wrote it & just forgot I did. Our situations sound almost identical, even the timeline of things. I have been thru all the things you talked about, the anger, jealousy, lack of trust, the nothing wrong with me, maybe its you, all of it. The best thing you an do is don't take the thing she says to heart. It isn't something that is easy to do, but you have to be able to tell the difference in if it is actually her or the condition talking. With my wife I can see when things are starting to build up, she starts getting agitated easy, things "get on her nerves" easier, & she starts feeling sorry for herself about stuff. That's when I know she is moving back some & try to prepare myself for it. I don't always handle the mood swings the best either, the ones I have a tough time with is when they come out of nowhere. If I can see it coming, then I am usually o.k., but when I get blindsided is when I don't handle things as good as I should.
Try to encourage her to get into therapy & offer to go with her. Let her know she isn't in this alone & you will help her as much as you can. As long as she is willing to get help herself then you are halfway there. But when they think they can control things on their own is when problems start.
Stay strong & you will get thru this. Just try to be supportive, but don't be a doormat either.