Hi mptat. I've been married to a man with bp for the past 10 years. Soon after we were married he was diagnosed and has been on meds ever since. I think he always knew there was something going on with him but during the 2 years that we dated before we got married, I saw nothing of it and he never said anything about it.
Since we've had children and there is more stress in our lives because of parenting and the economy and just life itself, he has had a horrible 3 years or so and this past year was the worst ever in terms of his moods etc. Messed up our finances, says mean things to me and so on.
Only since December when he really flipped out on me, did I finally decided to start researching this and figuring out what to do to really help him instead of ignoring his symptoms and continue to enable him. He's been cooperative so far.
I tell you all this because you need to understand that living with someone with this illness is NOT easy and you must be committed to dealing with all the **** that comes with it. If I had known how difficult it is to live with someone who has bp I never would have married him. It sounds cold, but it's the truth. I know I married him for richer and poorer and sickness and health, in good and bad but this is really not what I signed up for. It's what I was dealt and now I have to deal with it.
I don't want to have to deal with this. It's tiring, it's stressful, it' hurtful. He makes me mad, he hurts my feelings, he's not affectionate with me. And still, I love him. We have three children, but I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.
If you are willing to deal with a bp spouse then look for her and help her no matter if she keeps saying no and she is in denial about her illness. Make her get the help she needs and stick by her no matter what. Take her to the doctor's appt. Get her the meds she needs. Make sure she takes them. Be supportive and understanding. Ask her how she's feeling. Do all this for her, but don't expect her to do it for you, because it will all be about helping her cope with this illness. Get counseling for yourself so you can discuss your feelings with someone and get help on how to help her.
If you are not willing to continue dealing with a lifetime of what you just started experiencing with her the last 2 months, then divorce her and move on with your life- especially if she is not willing to get help for herself. You will be ok. Hopefully, there are no children in the marriage because that just throws a wrench into the mix.
Post Edited (Jondoe) : 2/2/2009 9:24:27 AM (GMT-7)
I think the best thing you can do is what you are doing. Let her know you love her & want her in your life & that you will be there for her. The only part of this that you an control is your side of things. Don't let her pull you into a fight, don't let her walk all over you either. Pick your battles though. Save the heavy stuff (like the house payment) for when she seems to be rational. Any time other then that & you will get the reactions that you have been getting.