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starlight1
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 1/31/2009 2:13 AM (GMT -7)   
I was not sure if i should post in a new thread or not?? so please moderators if you want to delete this from the other one you can.
lots has been going on since i posted, I have not had much time to post
The business has been in the toilet for about 6 months and i have been working hard to get it rolling again,in the last 2 weeks there has been great improvement i found a great marketer and the clients are coming in :) so there is some hope.... I have started a day job also, not much pay, but while my 5 year old is in kindergarten i had 4 hours to make some $ in and we really need the bucks...being so busy has left me little time to be with my hubby and he needs me sooooo much . I leave the house at 7am and get back at around 3 and i am very worried that i leave him at home alone so many hours (we work the business from the house in the afternoon and night time so he is stuck at home all the time..(he lost his drivers license about a month ago for 3 months) He is finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning he is having panic attacks and is in one of his really down moods. BUT WE ARE GOING TO START TREATMENT THIS TUESDAY we made an appointment and he wants to get help. He is having tons of warning signs sweets,panic attacks ect.. I make him a to do list in the morning (some house work that i do not have time to do) and he gets them done but if i do not make the list he does not get out of bed...I think that he need something to do in the morning hours just to get out and be with people...working on it....I am so stressed out... I have been getting only about 4 hours of sleep a day looking after the kids and him.. trying to make ends meet.....I have Psoriasis.. I have had it my whole life but only a spot here and there sometimes... 2 weeks ago i broke out all over my body I know that it is from the stress and i am trying to chill out....My 5 year old is also acting up i think he knows that dad is having a problem and it is making him feel insecure his teacher said that he is acting out in school and at home he is looking for a lot of attention in the wrong way..I am using positive reinforcement with stern borders and lots of love...I have always believed that love cures all... The business went down hill when my hubby started having problems with the sectary and she left (he has always had a problem with people when he is in his grandiose mood at the same time he had a problem with me and all the family he was very argumentative)anyhow she left me doing all the work, at the same time the kids were on summer break... He was not working properly at the time... he could not keep a book of business going, with the clients he was working, and was just surfing the net and getting involved with lots of things he should not have been doing... he would not take my direction and was fighting with me to get off his back and to give him room to breath...during this time he was spending tons of $ behind my back (he bought a gold bracelet for $1000 told me it cost $200 then when the guy keep phoning for his payments i found out that it cost $1000, he bought a new computer for about $2000 ...crazy stuff...since then he had to give them back because he could not meet the payments,it caused a lot of problems with the jewelry store and computer guy and he never got the $ he already paid back so we lost about $1000) with all this going on i was finding it hard to work and the business went down...I know that this is a terrible thing to say and feel.. but i prefer his down mood because he is more manageable and i have less problems with other people....up and down... up and down it is a roller coaster..... I want to get off
Thank you all
I need to vent... if i had some privacy i would just let out a scream... but i am crying instead cry

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/1/2009 7:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi startlight1,

Welcome back,

It sounds like you've had an intense few months. I'm sorry things have been so hard at home. You say your husband is starting treatment on Tuesday. What does that mean exactly?

You NEED to take some time out from yourself. That's an order. Figure out a way. You are going to explode with that stress level. Have you had or thought about therapy for yourself. I really highly recommend it. With all you're putting up with, I think it would be good for you to talk to someone and have a chance to get your troubles off your chest.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


starlight1
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 2/2/2009 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Serafena
Treatment meaning Therapy and it is for both him and me. Looks like we are in this together lol
Just a few hours ago after having quite a good functioning day he looked at me and said "I need help I can not do this any more" I looked back and said "so... what do you want me to do?"... and that is how i feel I just do not know what to do.. and there is something else i feel.. I feel angry i am very angry i am so angry i could just smack him It is totally unfair that i have to give so much of my self while he selfishly wallows in his misery.. i feel that being un able to not function is a luxury and he can only afford that luxury because i am here to look after him...I keep reminding myself that he is not doing this with intention to hurt me but because he is sick… but I am still angry.
Do not worry Serafena i am not exploding lol I think i am under toooo much control.. in fact i hold on to that control like a life line. I am scared that if i let go..even just a little... every thing will fall down.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/2/2009 2:53 PM (GMT -7)   
I understand that you are extremely frustrated and you've absolutely been through the wringer the past few months, but he is not doing this on purpose. It's not a luxury he's indulging in -- he's sick.

Would he fall apart if you weren't there? Yes, probably. But you may have to let that happen to convince him to get the proper help. You said you're going to therapy tomorrow. Is that not the help he needs? What other kinds of help does he want? He needs to get on meds and stay on them. He needs to see a psych regularly. He needs therapy. You can help him do these things but you can't do them for him. He needs to take some responsibility for his own disorder. If you laid these out as conditions he needs to meet to keep you from leaving, would he go? Would he keep to them?

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


starlight1
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 2/2/2009 10:17 PM (GMT -7)   
God Knows ???? time will tell

starlight1
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 2/18/2009 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi again every one.... sorry i disappear for such long times but i am very busy and do not get much time for me.....We have started treatment... the first thing the Dr. did after sitting with us for an hour is give my hubby an antidepressant which has helped him stop having his panic attacks (which were really bad and were lasting the whole day) but has not gotten him out of his depressed mood....i am sure more is to come at a latter date but for now the Dr. just wanted to give him a sos quick fix since then he has been back and the Doc wanted to go up a bit on the med but hubby felt he was ok on what she had already given and wants to stay with that amount for now.....he is starting counseling soon they just have to get back to us with a date and time that is good... I am hoping that the Dr. will try and diagnose him so that we can start treating the real problem...It looks like the clinic we go to does not want to include me in his treatment so he has been going on his own...he wants me to go with him because he feels that i can give them a better perspective of what his mood swings have been like over the years. Can anyone please give me an idea on what type of testing the Dr.'s do to diagnose BP or other Conditions?
Also....I am thinking of going for counseling on my own (to the same clinic.. In our country we get free help thru a clinic assigned to us by address) i am thinking that if they see the problem from my and my children’s point of view they will be quicker to help him because it is not a healthy way for us to be living and at the same time help me cope with the situation better.. Anyway i have to call them and set it up....I am finding it very depressing being around him because all he does all day is stay in his bedroom and a bit of house work ( I leave him a list of what to do before i leave with the kids in the morning he gets the stuff done which is good because that way he has something to do and it also helps me) but he has no interest in anything and is not working to improve his situation also when he speaks he is negative and expects the worst out of everything. I feel like i do not have a husband but as if i have another kid to look after. I should count my blessings because at lest he is listening to my direction now and is not fighting me....for now lol

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/19/2009 9:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi starlight1,

Good to hear from you again. I'm sorry you're still struggling. Talk to your husband about letting the doc up the dosage on the medicine. That's one way to treat the depression, and clearly his current dosage isn't touching it. One thing to be aware of, though. With bipolars, antidepressants often cause mania. So be aware of that. If his mood starts to lift, that's good, because it means the med is doing it's job. But if his mood gets out of control and high, that may mean he's definitely bipolar and needs to see the doc again.

There really isn't typical testing to diagnose mental conditions. The docs primarily use talk to discuss a patient's symptoms, and trial and error with medications to see what works (Does the mood stabilizer work? Okay, he's bipolar.) There are various "tests" floating around the web that you can take which ask you about your symptoms, but they're not scientific, and only give the doctor a place to start talking about bipolar disorder with you.

As to going to the doc with your husband, if the clinic won't allow it, try writing down some concerns together the night before, and he can take the list into the doctor's with him. That way he'll have your input with him even though you're not there.

Finally, I think you DEFINITELY should get some therapy of your own. You have a lot on your shoulders and a ton of stress. It's so hard to be in your situation. Talking with someone on a regular basis would be good for you, reduce your stress, and maybe teach you some coping skills.

best wishes,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 2/20/2009 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Just a thought - this is going to sound bad and come out wrong, but I mean every word of it.

Can you go behind your husbands back to talk to his doctor? Sounds horrible but maybe if the suggestion to up the dosage or add/change medication doesn't come from you it will be better received? In a moment of clarity I had my husband tell his docs (all of them) that they could discuss his situation with me - the relevant stuff not the personal stuff - and this way when I see him cycling again towards an episode I can contact the docs without him knowing, set up appointments and give them the "heads up" on what's REALLY happening, not the sugar coated version he tends to give people.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


starlight1
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 2/21/2009 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear BD-spouse.
At this point in my marriage after every thing we have been through together I have no problem going behind my hubbys back if it is something that will help him, in fact during his manic moods i have often had to go behind his back and stop things going on that are hurting the family and can hurt him i have become the watch dog and the protector lol. BUT I think that my hubby is right and that the dosage is ok because it did stop the panic attacks What i am concerned about is that the panic attacks were a result of a situation which was caused by his ups and downs. Hard to explain ...I will try...In the last 6 months we have had 2 mood swings ...the manic (which put the family in financial bankruptcy) and then after about 3-4 months of the manic he went spiraling down and became depressed. we owe allot of people $(who keep calling him) and we nearly did not have a roof over our heads(the house of cards was crumbling) that is when the panic attacks started. Even though i "fixed" things and the situation got a little better and is still improving... he still could not stop the panic attacks so the meds are working but if we do not fix the ups and downs then he will never have a normal life and i will always be fixing things. The Dr. phoned to make an appointment with him for counseling and somehow he never made one and she was going to get back to him which also never happened...so i am about to call behind his back and tell her that she should make an appointment. I really miss having a real relationship with him... all this stuff is making me feel like i have an additional child not a husband. Something you said and I see allot is that he is very good at Sugar coating.. I also always hear that I can not blame every thing that goes wrong on him. In the past I have fallen for it.. i have let his words and my love for him cover up the truth but... I was blind and now can see. :)

Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 2/25/2009 12:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Starlight1.  I just read your post.  I too had to make the dr appts for my bp husband.  He was in agreement that I do this, but when it came time to actually go, he was annoyed, but went.  He even went to the follow-up appt by HIMSELF with his GP to discuss how he's doing on the new meds.  He shared with me that he told the dr he had had another angry episode.  I thought to myself, which one? 

So far he's cooperating, but I have yet to get him to schedule an appt with a therapist.  They call me to schedule, but without input from him on when he's available, I can't schedule so I am still just waiting for him to see the p-doc- he has rescheduled TWICE!!!!!!!  Ugh!  I too have another husband-child.

Like you, I have had to "fix" the financial messes he gets us into.  Seriously, it's tiring!  I'm exhausted and wish I didn't have to deal with it all, but here I am.  Very bitter.


 

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