I don't know why I get off of my bi-polar meds

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lakewinds
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 2/1/2009 6:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Why do I keep going off my bipolar meds?  I just don't understand it  As soon as I start to feel better , I think about it and when I really feel better I even and I think I get board. When I'm manic, at least I'm creative and can think of new things to do with my 53 yr old self  I'm a married woman of 25 yrs with 3 grown sons, all who live with my disease and I don't accept it and my youngest son has a real hard time of my behavior and doesn't know how to handle it.  The only thing that I do know is when I go on shopping sprees, I go back on my medication.  I can't afford to let my husband get mad at me.  My feling are hurt too easlily.  I'm very insecure.  Is that a trait of bipolorness?  I hate this diogonisis and i cant stand being with myself .  I hate taking pills and now im depressed.  I have ben up since 2 am as usual cause I have insomnia too.   , there is no god  if I can get this discusted with myself  I dont mind other peope haveing it and i even googled famous people that have bipolor but it didnt help but for a few seconds.  someone tell me what to do.  Good thing Im seeing my shrink on Monday or else I would commit myself and not go to Florida with my husband on Tuesday but I hav estarted back on the Abilify and even tho it will take a few weks I know I ca't goshopping anymor4 and Om gonna stay quiet around my 20 yr ols son who is haveing a hard time about me right now and doesn;t kno0w how to deal with it he says, so thats why he acts mean i think.  Sorry about the spelling errors at the end 0f this message my computer won;t fix them.
knitwit

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/1/2009 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Knitwit,

You need to be on your pills. You know this. The disorder doesn't "get better." You won't ever be cured. When you feel better it's because of the medicine. If you stop taking the medicine, you'll feel like dirt again. I'm sorry you're struggling right now. Take your medications -- it shouldn't take a few weeks if you've only been off for a few days -- and go to Florida. Get away from your son from a while if he's being nasty to you. Go ahead and cut up your credit card if that will help -- you can do it. Definitely see your psych. Good luck.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 2/4/2009 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Knitwit,

I'm with Serafena on getting back on meds, the "get better" part of bipolar disorder is always short lived. I too have gone through phases where I didn't want to take any meds, to not taking them at all. But the outcome has always been negative. Please hang in there and as Serafena recommended cut up the credit cards so you won't have the temptation to keep shopping. Let us know how you are doing.
Olivia
Bipolar Co-Moderator
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lakewinds
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 2/7/2009 5:49 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm a many-ac should I go in the hospital or just stay home and ride it out? What would you do? My husband is very worried and my sister says I should go to the hospital for a while but I am infured and will be in horrible pain if i have to stay in the mental ward now. so I'm staying home on my heating pad with my tv and my books.


I don't know what to do. I really need advise. I am having trouble with the outside world. I need to stay home or just go to Dr.s appointments an stay home in bed or walk a little on treadmill. I can always read. I' really am a book worm I have to go to bed because I have been up all night. I will write more later.
knitwit
P.S. How do you change your screen name?

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/7/2009 8:46 AM (GMT -7)   
I would listen to your family, honestly. They have your best interests at heart and know you better than we do. They see your symptoms more clearly than we do, or frankly, than you do. If your husband and sister are saying you need to go to the hospital, than maybe you need to try a little time in the hospital. Clearly you need a major med adjustment. You're way off kilter. Have you talked to your doctor about going to the hospital?

You change your screen name by going into "Control Panel", Clicking "Edit Profile," and then changing your Display Name. Let us know when you do it so we don't get confused, though. :-)

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


lakewinds
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 2/10/2009 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok I'm going in for an evaluation to see what happens I took a 2 millagram ativan and it did nothing it was like taking candy. They said no more valum but I feel like i'm on the verge of a full blown panic attact cause i hate hospitals unless people bring me good food and i have stuff to read and good movies. I cannot fine Plant Earth anywhere It is my favorite movie and I love to watch it all the time. I brought books from the library and CD 's to listen to. I hope they send e home again that would be sweet. Ill bring my knitting and I can stay in my room if the population is too horrible. Really I am not a snob but these people are not from the same background and I do not kow anything about where thy come from and they kind of lives they lead. I lead a pritty normal middle class life. Please hope for th best that they can just give me some new meds and send me home again. Thats what I truely want.
Lakewinds
Bipolor, Depression,Hyponitremia, allergies,,non-hodgenkins lymphoma in 1990 chronic pain, and now acute pain from another riding accident left me with 2 more broken vertebrea but in thorasic area, and plenty of allergies, but an animal lover and another of 3 young men and married 25 years.


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/10/2009 9:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Good luck honey! Be well and let us know how everything turns out.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


lakewinds
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 2/22/2009 3:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I am on an 8 hour pass and it feels good. Have been in hospital for a soft landing . I knew a crash was coming and wanted to get it over with but safely, and I signed myself in the locked ward. Now I'm all better, but have to go back for one or 2 more days so learn how to take all the new pills I'm on again. I hate the stupid pills with their side effects but I guess the side effects of not taking them could be worse. Poor me.. Feeing sorry for my self cause I have to go back after my dinner. At least I have a home to come to. A lot of the population in the hospital in the city here are waiting for a spot in a group home to open up. I hate being bipolar. It really sucks and I wish I knew how I happen to have gotten this way. I really want to know how. Really hating this zyprexa and its side effects but am just shutting up about it and taking the darn things.
Bipolor, Depression,Hyponitremia, allergies,,non-hodgenkins lymphoma in 1990 chronic pain, and now acute pain from another riding accident left me with 2 more broken vertebrea but in thorasic area, and plenty of allergies, but an animal lover and another of 3 young men and married 25 years. Osteporosis, arthritis, gastric poblems, melenoma, high blood pressure, depression, and finally a pot head who is trying to top for ever. We live in a beautiful world and I love all the creatures great n small and all the people on thr earth , along with the plants, fish and birds. the water is my thing and I want to live near the sea before I die. Bad neck [pain from when I totaled my nw toyata matrix (which i hated anyway and thrn I got a newew ford escape and ill drie that car into my grave i love it so much. I'm all poacked for my adventure in the hospitals locked ard downtown and hubby is taking me wish me luck.


lakewinds
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 2/27/2009 4:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
I have been discharged and feel a little better sometimes. Been told it will take time . Do not like being so hungry but the side effects of bipolar are worse then the side effects of zyprex I think. Sorry for the ranting. I was a sick puppy. DId not feel so safe there and like being home now. Hoping to mellow out soon. Thank good- ness for this web site and its education and the help it provides people like me. It is a sounding board and great place to come so a person doesn't feel all alone. Thanks again,
Bipolor, Depression,Hyponitremia, allergies,,non-hodgenkins lymphoma in 1990 chronic pain, and now acute pain from another riding accident left me with 2 more broken vertebrea but in thorasic area, and plenty of allergies, but an animal lover and another of 3 young men and married 25 years. Osteporosis, arthritis, gastric poblems, melenoma, high blood pressure, depression, and finally a pot head who is trying to top for ever. We live in a beautiful world and I love all the creatures great n small and all the people on thr earth , along with the plants, fish and birds. the water is my thing and I want to live near the sea before I die. Bad neck [pain from when I totaled my nw toyata matrix (which i hated anyway and thrn I got a newew ford escape and ill drie that car into my grave i love it so much. I'm all poacked for my adventure in the hospitals locked ard downtown and hubby is taking me wish me luck.


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 2/27/2009 9:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Glad you're home and feeling better, lakewinds. It's good the site gives you a place to vent.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Tuff love
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/2/2009 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Recently, my wife went through a similar episode. She didnt quit her meds, but spiraled down quickly due to SEVERE stress. it got the point where I had to take control. I called her pscyh, I gave her my wife's symptoms, she gave me very specific instructions to follow and meds to administer to her.

I ended up working from home for a week, I intercepted all phone calls and emails to her and took care of the issues or delegated them to her employees. I took care of the kids and made sure she got plenty of rest. She destressed for a week straight and it went well.

We have gotten to a point in our marriage where I finally realized she is going to need my help more often than not and I have accepted that role.

It is VERY hard, but thank goodness our jobs/lives allow us to take this path when needed.

I once had a doctor tell me that mental illness should be treated like any other illness. If you have a heart condition and are on meds to maintain your heart, would you quit taking them when your heart was working properly? Probably not. From that point forward, I viewed Bipolar and any other disease very differently. I too thought there was a quick fix for it.

Maybe one day this world will not stereotype or catagorize people that way it does.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/2/2009 4:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you tuff love. That is very wise and true. I really hope for that day too.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


lakewinds
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 3/10/2009 3:10 PM (GMT -7)   
WOW What a great message tufflove. My poor husband is at a loss for words and at the end of his rope. I know he is and doesn't know what to do. He cannot control me because that is the only thing I rebel at. My father was THE control freak and I ran away from home at 15 and hitch-hiked across the country from commune to commune , never graduating from high school, and heavy into the drug thing and love the one your thing too I'm, embarrased to say ... My first marraige was a disaster and I ended up greatfully a safer woman when widowed with a six month old son, but still messed up and not di-og-nosed right. I have relized that I am bipolar and accept it begrudgely. but I am stubbern. I have gone thru my disability check already and broke for the rest of the month oh well. i have a computer, a nice roof over my head and food to make. so Ill be ok But all the ills I have to take I do by b]=my self and it is a job in itself. I'm going to try to give it my best effort. I have joined AA and NA and and doing the 90 meetings in 90 days thing thinking that will give me a shot at staying sober. Wish me luck? It has been 12 days now.
I hope you read this. Thank you for that fantastic response. Your wife is a lucky woman and smart to submit to you. Wish I had it in me to submit to my husband . He suggested I give my money to him to dole out to me but of course I said no. It would take away my dignaty.
Sincerely
knitwit
P.S. still trying to change my name to desertwinds

{I edited your post in reference to Forum Rule #1 -- No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

Thanks, serafena}

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 3/10/2009 4:19:00 PM (GMT-6)

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