The title of your post instantly lead my mind to a book called Boundaries.
I read this book during the last of my life-long stream of bad, difficult and confusing relationships.
It taught me so many things about
how to deal with people (boyfriends). These days I can't imagine that I ever lacked such basic understanding and relationship skills -no wonder I was shouting all the time!
A few months later I met the man that I have now been with happily, for 13 years (and neither of us need to shout
At first I found the lack of conflict disturbing and wondered if lack of drama = lack of love, but I worked through that. Gradually, it dawned on me that I was now in a healthy functional relationship.
Having received an abusive and neglecting upbringing, my previous relationships consisted of being madly in love (and arguing at the same time) and then leaving 3-9 months later in the hope of a better relationship.But without changing my understanding and the way I related, not much was gonna change, was it?!
I have a few short things to say, for you to think about
Its not your fault that he treats you badly, but it is your fault that you let him.
However, you are probably thinking that, perhaps you only think that he's treating you badly.Perhaps you need to understand your husbands actions, and perhaps you are right.
It sounds to me like you are confused.
Sometimes we do wrongly interperet the actions of others based on the past and assume meanings that aren't there.
eg my ex partner used to buy me flowers when they had been unfaithfull, so when my new partner buys me flowers, it means they are cheating also.
But you should never allow yourself to have any confused thoughts about
physical violence. If your husband hits, smacks, pushes, spits at, or restrains you (other than to stop you falling off a cliff) you should leave him PERIOD. If you dont concur 100% with that statement then you are in serious need of help. Please make sure you get some.
Mental abuse is a more difficult issue, we need skills and understanding to enable us to deal with this.Its great when we understand more about
such stuff, when instead of being confused, we know how to deal with things and actually get them sorted out.
Anyway, forgive me if you found my post a little incoherent, it is past 4 am here and I am tired.
I hope that I added something helful, as was my intention.
Wishing you luck, self love and courage- to do what needs to be done and to ask what needs to be asked.
(I had to edit out the link -- no links to commercial sites are permitted, thanks, serafena)
Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 2/18/2009 9:45:46 AM (GMT-7)