Welcome to Healingwell and to the bipolar board. Well, You are in essence living with a woman with two distinct mood sets, and it can be impossible to know which one you'll encounter at any given moment, so "two different people" isn't far off.
Tell us a little more about your wife. Is she seeing a psychiatrist? Is she medicated? Does she have a therapist? What is her attitude towards this disorder? How long has she been diagnosed?
The real woman is the one with a mood disorder. That's a tough answer but it's true. It's going to take a while to get used to the fact that your wife is both manic and depressed, but it's the way it is. She isn't either or. Neither is more "real" than the other. They're both her. You just want to use medication to calm down the severity of the mood swings so you can recognize her emotions and decisions again.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum