Need help dealing with bipolar husband

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zipnqueen
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/4/2009 11:30 AM (GMT -7)   
My husband and I have been married 10 years.  I didn't realize he was bipolar until a couple of years after we were married but I did know he was moody.  After years of his depression and thoughts of suicide, I told him he had to go to the doctor or go live by his family because I couldn't deal with it.  So he went to the doctor.  The meds are not working so they put him in the hospital for 2 days to try new ones.  He was rude to all the nurses and staff and insisted he leave.  The doctor told me he thinks my husband doesn't really want help yet...What do I do???  He told me he was going off the meds but I reminded him that I can't deal with him not getting help.  He is acting pouty and like he is being mistreated.  Please help me know what to do!  If you need more details, please ask and I will fill you in better.
Thank you!!!

Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 3/5/2009 7:22 AM (GMT -7)   

zipnqueen;

Welcome to our forum, everyone here is suer supportive & you will find that with almost any question you have, someone else here has been thru it too, either as the BP sufferer themselves or as the spouce/family member of one. You are seeing now one side of this illness, that is pretty typical. The I'm fine I don't need my meds thing.  When my wife first went into the hospital, everything was good, it's when she got home is when the trouble started. At the hospital as long as she took her meds & participated in group everything went smooth. When she got home she thought she would be able to walk all over me, but after 8 years of it, the last two being almost unbearable, I had had enough. I started not letting her talk to me any way she wanted. This of course didn't settle too well, which is part of the reason for the hospital visits. Somehow she equated not putting up with her verbal abuse any longer as not loving her anymore & started in with the suiscide & just wanting to die talk.

Sadly, a bp can sometimes be like a hild with their behavior (as you are seeing) especially if they have been getting by with it fo a while, then the sudden change doesn't go over too well. It sounds to me like you are doing what you need to do here. It will be rough for a while, but stand your ground on this. You can't shove the meds down his throat yourself, but let him know and understand what the consequenses are if he doesn't follow his treatment, he will get over the pouting about it. Keep in mind thought that the meds aren't an instant cure, they may take a few weeks to stabilize & start having a real effect, so try to be patient with the process. But again, they will only work if he takes them.

Take care,

Rocket 


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 3/5/2009 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I think you're right not to let him walk all over you.  Definately draw that line in the sand and make sure you can stick to it.  He'll probably test you a lot especially if he's not on medication.  Does he acknowledge he's bipolar?  To me it doesn't sound like he's full accepted it - either that or he's being manic from NOT being on medication.  See if you can talk to a family member that he trusts, maybe if talking to him about it doesn't come from you, it'll be better received.  He might view you as the enemy right now so anything you say will only be interpreted wrong.  ((HUGS))
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/5/2009 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi zipnqueen,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. I'm sorry to hear your husband is being hard to live with. The doctor is right -- nothing can help your husband if he isn't willing to help himself. He needs to be medicated and seeing a psychiatrist regularly for maintenance. But if he is being stubborn, there's little you can do but continue to urge him to get help and stick to his meds. If you need to get tough, then do it. Stand your ground.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


chappie
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 3/6/2009 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning...being bi-polar makes for a long day..I am on my meds and doing one day at a time...I am a teacher ,alot with special ed kids, so I need to stay focused every minute...I think one of the key things that you said was that he was going to go off his meds...I have my moods also, it has caused me two marriages, but am married again and trying hard...you cannot make him take his meds...be there for as long as you can stand it then tell him he needs to chose between his meds and you or saying good bye....sometimes good bye wins out...I will pray for you and your husband...God Bless you..........

shebsy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 125
   Posted 3/6/2009 1:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Is your husband depressed or manic? Sometimes, during an extreme mood swing, a person becomes aggressive and hostile. Your husband needs help. He needs to be gently reminded that his mood swings have consequences. Bipolar people can have fragile egos but you need to be persistent. Show him a chart of bipolar symtoms and help him understand that he has a problem that can be treated. I hope your husband gets help. It took a lot of legal trouble to get me to accept medication. But some people can be stubborn like me.
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