i've been interested in mental health for a really long time, since i was like 12 or something. and i've read wikipedia constantly (i know it's not always accurate) and a bunch of other sites regarding everything. i also ask a lot of questions on yahoo answers and although i never thought i had it, so many people have suggested to me that i might.
i'm 16 by the way.
sometimes i am extremely depressed and suicidal. i won't feel ANYTHING. i'll think about suicide a lot. everything's awful. i'll move slowly, won't feel like eating, i'll sleep every chance i get, i'll mumble instead of talking.
then, often in the same day, i'll be extremely happy. everything is so great then. i'll message all my friends i haven't talked to in a really long time, add my childhood friends on social networking sites, smile at everyone and everything, i'll have lots of self confidence. i'll talk to people i haven't talked to in a while and it'll go great, i'll make friends.
then i'll become depressed again, often in the same day. i'll think "why did i message them? they obviously hate me. why was i even talking to them. they looked ta me like i was a moron i know it. they're all talking about me about how much they hate me." and i'll become really suicidal and feel worthless. i've done this from a young age, i remember being only about ten years old and being so upset that i just wanted to die and trying to hold my pillow over my head long enough.
i have anger problems, too. i've had them since i was very young. i'd get so angry over things that shouldn't anger anyone. misunderstandings, even. i'll get so mad that i'm digging my nails into my skin until it starts peeling off kind of. i'll want to pull my hair out and explode and nothing helps this anger. not even counting to ten, that makes me angrier. this anger could come from someone telling me to do my homework. i usually get over it within half an hour and feel extremely guilty, unless it was something actually bad that others did to me. when i was 9 i cut up my dress because i was so angry over something minimal.
everyone seems this is normal and that i just think too much. i don't know how to think in any other way and it's extremely frustrating and i don't really want this to be normal for me. if i don't have a chance of having this, i'd like to be told from people who have experience and then maybe i'll be able to get over it.