Inertia, is your husband on medication? Does he work? Does HE see a therapist? Or, are you doing all the work? I ask these questions because IF he is on medication, it is time to speak to his pdoc and share with him the behaviors you are seeing. If you are NOT in couples therapy, perhaps it is time to look at doing some of that. I totally respect how you feel. I am also a spouse of a BP, and it is NOT an easy life with all the moodiness. BUT, if my H was not medicated, seeing his pdoc regularly, seeing his therapist with some consistency...and I was not included as part of his wellness team allowed to talk to the doctors too....I would NOT still be here love or not. My H does do all those things and it is STILL hard enough in my home with my young kids. AND I would certainly NOT put up with having to justify seeing my own child ANYTIME i wanted. It sounds like your son is grown, is that correct? The fact is, as a spouse, we tend to forget we count too, as much as our BP spouse and their illness does. And staying or leaving the relationship is still our free will choice to make, and BOTH have their value. So to you I say don't put up with behavior like that. You don't need to justify anything. Don't engage in rediculous conversations that has no winners. You know what you are doing, you know it is not betraying anyone...so next time he starts in, telll him he is welcome to come join you at therapy and group, however your time with your son is yours and if he doesn't like it, too bad. Do not play the game he is baiting you to play with him.
I wish you the best. LFW