Introducing Myself & looking for help

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BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 3/19/2009 2:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there.  I'm really hoping this forum will help me.  My husband was diagnosed with BP almost 20 years ago.  We've been together five years and married 1.5 years.  I found out about his condition when he had his first episode since we'd been together which was in January 2006.  Like many others' spouses on here, he is a sweet, loving, caring, warm, funny person when he is not manic.  Unfortunately he will not be compliant with his medication (lithium) and this of course has led to three manic episodes since 2006 - the most recent being the end of Feb of this year. 
 
When he has a manic episode he has the delusions of granduer, believes he is going to fight against the terrorists to win the "holy war", does not sleep, is extremely short tempered, is compulsive with money and "needs to get away".  I have had to call the police in order to get him involuntarily admitted to a hospital since he is totally off his medication and needs to be stabilized.  When he's first admitted he's mean and nasty telling me that our relationship is over, he wants a divorce and everything is my fault.  Once he is more stable, he tells me that he is sorry for putting me through it, that he loves me and can't live without me.
 
He got out of the hospital a little over a week ago and agreed to take his medication and go to counseling.  He actually filled his prescription this time and is trying to get an appointment with the doctor who treated him which is a BIG step.  However, he isn't taking the meds as prescribed and the doctor isn't taking patients at the moment.
 
I just started seeing my own therapist three weeks ago so it's helping a little to have someone to talk to.  But the one person who I want to talk to and explain everything to - HIM - won't listen to me and then just says it's my fault because I cause it.  I just get so mad that he won't take the meds.  I wish I could crush them and put them in his food!
 
Anyway, I love him dearly and he means the WORLD to me so I am afraid that my only alternative is to leave him - for good.  How has anyone here been able to talk to their spouse to the point where they will listen to you and realize that you will do anything possible to help them stay well?
 
Sorry for the long post - hopefully my next one won't be!
 
Wife of a BP in Denial

Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 3/19/2009 7:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey BPwife;

Welcom to our group. You will find a lot of support here. Most of the folks here are BP sufferers themselves, but there are a lot of spouces of a BP person here as well. I can tell you this, just about every one of the spouces on here have went thru what you are going thru. Unfortunatly, your hubby is showing "classic" signs of the behavior of this condition. I have went thru what you are going thru & so have many of the others here. The bad thing is that he has to make the decision himself to try to get better & follow the treatment plan given to him. You can't make him & niether can his doctors, all you can do is advise & support him. Unfortunatly he may have to slide even farther & hit rock bottom before he decides to do this. The "I'm fine" mentality is a huge part of the illness. A lot of times when the BP person cycles into the manic stage they think because they are feeling fine they don't need there meds. My wife was on the verge of me calling the police & sending her to jail before she finally realized that she had to get a grip on things. I was always having to hear the same things from her that you have heard from you hubby. I am sure there is a lot more that you left out, but believe me I & many of the other spouces could probably guess what you are going to tell us next.

My point after much rambling is this. Coming here & joining up will be a great move for you. Being able to vent things out to people who have been thru it & fully understand where you are coming from helps like you would not believe. Until I joined here & posted & responded with people, I thought there was no way that anyone else could be going thru what I was. But finding out different has become a great comfort. Please be sure to come back often & keep in touch & we will help any way we can.

Take care,

Rocket  


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/21/2009 11:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi BPWife,

Welcome to HealingWell and the bipolar board.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling to much at the moment. As Rocketman said, these are classic symptoms of mania, but that doesn't make them feel any better for you.

It's perhaps time for you to make it clear he needs to take his meds and be serious about his treatment program. If he doesn't, you need to set an ultimatum you're comfortable with. Find the strength to not be afraid of his moods.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 3/23/2009 8:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the replies.
 
Rocketman, how were you able to get your wife to listen to you and accept that she has the condition?  I think therapy would do my husband a world of good but the only doctor he's willing to go to isn't taking new patients (or so he says).
 
My husband suffers from manic episodes only so he never thinks he did anything wrong - even after the fact.  He has so much going for him; he's smart, caring, loving, funny, good looking but he's just going to end up throwing it all away and it hurts so much to see him do this.
 
And yes, it was SO wonderful to find this site!
 
BP Wife

Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 3/24/2009 8:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey BP:

I'm glad this site is starting to help you cope with things. One of the best things you can do is just come here & read others postings. Even if you don't post anything, just reading what others have will give you tons of insight.

I wish I could tell you there was one easy thing to do to make him see he needs help. Like I said before a lot of times they have to hit rock bottom & be forced into getting help before they do. We have went thru 3 hospital stays in 3 months time, a trip to the er, near seperation, & a button push away from a trip to jail for her before she finally got a grip. I don't know if it was her meds finally getting ahold, or her realizing she was about to lose everything. But thankfully things have been pretty calm for the past few months.

Please feel free to ask me anything & I will try to answer as best I can. Don't be afraid to ask some really personal stuff if you need to, we are all very open here & aren't afraid to ask or answer anything.

If you want to read all the threads I have started myself, go to the topics page & at the top left next to the new topic button there is a sort by pulldown. If you sort by "started by" mine will be on page 87. You can read all the things I have started & the replies to them, you might find some things that can help you there. Like I said at the beginning, read, read, read, & post & ask questions when you feel like it. You will be amazed at how much it helps.

Take Care,

Rocket  


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


Worried Mom19
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/25/2009 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello I am new here as well. I know what your going through. It isnt easy. I hope this board helps both of us.

BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 3/25/2009 3:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome.  My DH is BP as well.  I had to have him admitted early this year and then he went to a treatment facility for D & A abuse.  He's home now having not finished treatment due to a medical condition, but he's taking his meds and things are ok for now.  Just want you to know you're not alone here.  Even though I haven't posted much lately, I still check in almost everyday to read what other people are up to and how things are.  Feel free to share your mind.  It's ok if it's up and down.  I think at first I was really aprehensive to post b/c one day i'd say how awesome things were and the next day they'd be crappy again.  Everyone here understands and is able to offer different points of view! ((HUGS))
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 3/25/2009 6:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone for your replies and help. This site has been really wonderful and supportive. It's great to read everyone's experiences and advice - exactly what I was looking for!

Rocketman - ever since I found out about his condition all I do is read. It's almost to the point that I'm an information junkie! I want to know anything and everything and this board has given me even more than I could imagine. THANK YOU for being so honest and willing to share!

Every day I wonder who is going to walk through the door so coming here and reading and posting has been so helpful. I really just want to get to the point where he's stable enough that I can talk to him and he'll LISTEN to me, not shut me out because he's ashamed or embarrassed or whatever it is that won't let him accept and be aware of his condition.

Funny thing is - I could care less that he's got the condition. What hurts is that he won't accept what he needs to do to in order to prevent the manic episodes.

BP Wife

BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 3/25/2009 7:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't worry, I got so engrossed in it, I'm considering Mental Health as the area of Social Work I get into when I get my degree! The more you learn, the more intriguing it is!
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 3/26/2009 8:07 AM (GMT -7)   

BPwife;

glad that I could help. I know how hard it is when you are first trying to face down this condition that your loved one has. Before I came here & read others stories & started asking questions, I had no clue. I thought that my wife's condition & symptoms were unique & nobody else could have possibly been goin thru what I was. But as you can see, we are all going thru basically the same thing in varying ways. Reading what others have gone thru has helped me to see the difference in whether her behavior is something to do with the condition or if it is something else. Before I came here & seen the patterns & other behaviors I honestly thought that my wife had just setttled into becoming a bitter, hate filled mean, selfish person. But now I know that it is what the untreated condition had turned her into. Now that she has gotten help & followed her treatment plan her p-doc & therapist had set for her, she is doing so much better. The meds make her sleep a lot, but I'll take that over screaming matches a couple times a day & a constant vibe of hatefulness coming from her.

stay in touch & best wishes,

rocket

BD- Good to hear things have settled down for you & sound to be going well. Don't be a stranger!

 

 


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"

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