HELP ME PLEASE

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Stgal
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 3/20/2009 1:49 PM (GMT -7)   
HELP!!!!!!!! I am at the end of my rope. I have been with my husband for the past 19 years. I love him very dearly. He and my family we have made together are my WORLD. I would put my life before any of them. My husband had been diagnosed with bipolar years ago. He started treatment but the side effects were terrible. They would make him act like a zombie. So he stopped his medication. His mood swings are getting worse and worse. When he has his bad mood swing I can't say or do anything to please him. He will start a fight in front of my children, he will hit me sometimes. But to me the mental abuse is far worse than the physical. The hurt and brusies will go away but the mental hurt stays with me. I am so scared he is going to hurt me or my children far worse than he thinks he can. I walk around on egg shells around him all the time. I need HELP please. How do I help him? I am so tired......
Thank you
Cindy

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/21/2009 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Stgal,

Welcome to HealingWell and the bipolar board.

It is not alright for your husband to abuse you in anyway, no matter what his excuse (bipolar). It is time for you to draw a line and make it clear you will not put up with such behavior any more. Think of what you are teaching your children when you allow your husband to hit you or mistreat you in front of them. Show them strength and how to set boundaries instead. You can do it.

Your husband needs to re-start treatment for his bipolar. He needs to be medicated. There are dozens of medications for bipolar symptoms and if one of them makes him feel like a zombie then he needs to communicate that to his doctor and try another one. There is often a period of trial and error while the doc and patient find the right medication. He also needs to work on anger management and should be seeing a therapist.

The first step is getting him in to see a psychiatrist. Will he go willingly?

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Stgal
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 3/23/2009 7:06 AM (GMT -7)   
No he's not going go willingly! How can I confince him that he needs to go? Not trying to make excuses for him. But he came from a home where his Dad drank and would beat his Mom and brother but never him. Now needless to say he can't stand his Dad. And has no relationship with him at all. Everytime I mentition to him that I think he needs to get help he gets really angry at me. And tells me that I am the one that makes him act like that. I have heard that so much I am begining to believe it is me. I walk on egg shells all the time and I warn the kids just to stay away from him when he is having a "bad" day!

Thank you!

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 3/23/2009 7:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Then it's time for you to make some hard decisions about what you will stand for. You don't deserve to be abused and it's very harmful for your children to be exposed to such behavior (and your husband is a perfect example of that.) You have to decide to get help for yourself and whether you're willing to stay in a marriage like this one. Bipolar is no excuse for abuse and untreated bipolar only gets worse.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Stgal
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 3/23/2009 8:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I know you are right. I don't deserve this and neither do my children. But I LOVE HIM so much. And when he has a "bad" day usually the next month if not more are wonderful! He can be the most loving man I have ever met. I will talk to him about it again tonight and tell him what you have said. I am going to have to set some boundries. And tell him that if he doesn't change or get help that I'm going to have to consider other opitions. Boy it's going to HARD.

Thank you
Cindy

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 3/23/2009 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Stgal,
I totally understand what you are going through. My husband also suffers from BP and is in complete denial. We've only been married for 18 months but he was diagnosed just about 20 years ago. Like you, I love my husband with all my heart and can't imagine not being with him. He just got over a manic episode where I had him involuntarily brought to the hospital so he could get medicated and stablized. Right now I am also walking on egg shells because he isn't compliant with the meds so I have no idea who is going to walk into the room. I tried to talking to him last week but he just shut down and wouldn't listen to what I had to say. Hopefully your husband is stable enough that you will be able to talk to him and he will see that you love him and want him well. Keep us posted and let us know what happened - good or bad.

This site is a great tool. I just found it last week and find it SO incredibly helpful.

BP Wife

Stgal
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 3/23/2009 9:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you BP Wife. I just found this site last week also! It is GREAT.

I am so glad that someone else out here understands what I am going through. You are in the same situtation as I am. I totally understand your statement about walking around on egg shells all the time. Never knowning who is going to come through the door. Or what kind of person he is going to wake to be today. It is so HARD. I keep telling everyone I am waiting on the day I have a break down. My family doesn't understand and his Mom doesn't realize he is as server as I have tried to tell her. So glad I have found a place to come to and get support. THANK YOU ALL..

Stgal

LostInThought
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 3/23/2009 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Stgal said...
I know you are right. I don't deserve this and neither do my children. But I LOVE HIM so much. And when he has a "bad" day usually the next month if not more are wonderful! He can be the most loving man I have ever met. I will talk to him about it again tonight and tell him what you have said. I am going to have to set some boundries. And tell him that if he doesn't change or get help that I'm going to have to consider other opitions. Boy it's going to HARD.

Thank you
Cindy
If you truly love your husband and I know that you do. Then you will force him to go. When I say you must force him. I mean you may have to get the authorities involved. I'm having a decent week and I haven't been angry with anyone but when my family tries to make me get help it inferiorates me and I hate them. After I get calmed down and am thinking rationally I understand they are trying to help me. I'm sick and sometimes I don't want to take care of myself and sometimes people do whatever they have to, to make sure that I get the help I need. I have two children and I would never do anything to hurt them but I have lost control of myself in front of them and I don't ever want to do it again. My mother had the same problems and I can tell you that I'm 30 yrs old now and it still hurts watching what she went through. Now I understand what she went through because I'm experiencing it. But, I don't want my children to suffer the way I did.
No one ever deserves to be abused. No kind of abuse! He is not only hurting you but he is hurting your children and he is hurting himself. Ask him to get help if that doesn't work! Force him to get help if that doesn't work! Walk away, take the children, and he will see what it is like to feel as alone in this world as you probably do sometimes. He will either break and get the help he needs or he will spin out of control and someone will force him to get help. Either way he needs help. I'm sorry your going through this and if nothing else comes from this. Seeing your pain makes me want help even more because it shows me that my family is suffering for my actions that I CAN HELP!

Stgal
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 3/24/2009 6:58 AM (GMT -7)   
WOW just great advice. This has been the best thing I have done. I can feel the support from you all. I am just so glad that I am not facing this issue alone. LostInThought......TY TY TY. Wonderful read and GREAT advice. You have made points that I haven't even thought about. I wish you the best of luck. I will pray for you and your family.

Thank you
Cindy

LostInThought
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 3/24/2009 9:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I will keep you in my prayers. Maybe your husband can visit us here. I only found the site a few days ago but when I decided I wanted help I sure did find it. I found it from Sufferers and I found it from Victims like yourself. Because We Suffer from Bipolar Disorder but our family and friends are victims of it when we don't get the proper help. Thank you for sharing your story.

I came back today because I now have to see my Psychiatrist once a week. Today I did not want to go. I read your story again and then my reply.
Then I saw that you found comfort in what I said. I told myself I know in my heart what is right and I can not always listen to my head because it's mostly wrong.
This proves that my heart is speaking the truth even when my mouth is uttering lies that are clogged in my head. I hope that your husband finds peace and will
no longer suffer and that this sickness stops victimizing you and your children.

I will attend my Psychiatric appointment today. Please let us know how your husbands treatment goes once it starts. I will keep you updated and maybe it will give you a bit of encouragement.

Stgal
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 3/24/2009 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   
WOW...I have chill bumps all over me. And tears streaming down my face. How inspirational! It's amazing how your heart can just take over. I am going to log-on to the site tonight and have my husband read these post. I think it will really hit home with him. And maybe by him reading the responses and support that I have recieved from all of you he will see. I don't think he realizes how the illness he suffers from affects all of us. He is sick and I want to help him and be there to support him. As I don't want to live my life without the best part of it with me!

LostInThought....thank you for sharing and PLEASE keep me updated. You sound like a wonderful person and I wish you the best. I'm glad us sharing our thoughts helped you make the right decision today and go see your doctor. I can feel it...It will be a GREAT visit for you today! :-) smiling for you!

Cindy

Post Edited (Stgal) : 3/24/2009 10:38:43 AM (GMT-6)

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