Seeking Advice

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proref20
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 3/23/2009 8:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi All,
 
It's been a while since my last post . . .
 
My wife was diagnosed over the summer with BP. Long story short . . .  She has not been taking her meds on a regular basis and is abusing alcohol for sure. I fear she is also using cocaine as well. She is very bitter and says "I'm perfect" . . . While I am not by any means. I have been in al-anon since last May and it helps me cope.
 
We have been to counselling together. It seems when ever the Dr tells her what she does not want to hear she runs the other way . . . Doc said, get sober, take your meds get involved in some groups and life will get better . . .  She has done the exact opposite. She went to see her P-Doc a couple weeks ago because her meds were not working . . .   Of course they are not . . . Your not taking them as perscribed . . . 
 
My son is 12 and is not stupid. He sees what is going on and is beginning to resent his mother. We are scheduled for counselling on Wednesday. I spoke with our counsellor last week after a couple of major dis-appearing acts as the result of the bottle . . . Lies and stories about who she is with or where she is. I don't challenge these things as I used to (Thanks to my own program) Our counsellor was going to speak with the P-Doc . . .
 
Does it sound like it is time to get admitted . . . Not sure how it all works but I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GET MY WIFE BACK !!! 
 
Please share any expirience any of you may have. Thanks so much for all of your love and support.
 
-PR

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 3/23/2009 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Proref20

This much I know, you need to contact her pdoc asap.  I know you mentioned the counsellor was going to call, it doesn't hurt for you to call as well.  She definitely needs to touch base there.  I have empathy for you.  My bp hasn't landed me in the hospital for more than one night; I can't imagine a longer stay.  It's different with me though, b/c I deal with depression most of the time.  What your wife is experiencing definitely sounds like mania to me.

I really admire how much you know about bp and what to do.  Really.  You might feel like you have no idea what you're doing, but compared to my relationship, Wow, I am amazed.  I'm always amazed at some of the super supportive (and well bp-educated) partners on this forum.  My bf loves me so much.  And I can say for sure that he hates what this illness puts me through.  But he doesn't recognize my sypmtoms and sometimes he doesn't cut me a break or understand what I am dealing with basically.

Anyway, I will keep your wife in my thoughts.  I hope she can see that she needs her meds and that by taking her meds she will start her path to healing.  Trust me, the whole med treatment part is so tough.  Half the battle is figuring out the right combo of meds, and that can take a lot of time.  The sooner she starts, the better.

Take care...


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Risperdal .5mg/day & Lamictal 325 mg/day


proref20
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 3/24/2009 4:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for the reply . . .  I have done quite a bit of research and am headed to my first NAMI caring and sharing meeting tonight . . . I am nervous but I will walk through those doors. Last night she was just angry. The littleset things set her off. She began to take it out on our son because the house was not tidy. (The house has been far worse . . .  trust me) I came to his rescue and he began to cry. I show him more affection now than I ever have. We are building a special bond that unfortunately the situations and diseasse are needing us to. I have never met her P-doc. Our counsellor is great. I will attempt to contact her today to see if she has made contact. While I am not at 100% yet . . .  Working my programs readings etc I am not the person I was 6 months ago . . . Boy was I a mess also. I only hope and pray there is some light at the end of the tunnel . . .
 
Thanks Again,
PR

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 3/25/2009 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   

How did the meeting go?  How is your wife doing?  Hopefully things have settled down?  I feel for what you are going through.  It sounds like you have got things pretty together, for yourself.  If you've done a lot to change for the better, that's a very positive thing, you should be proud of yourself.  You also seem to be such a great support for your son and for your wife.  I really do hope things get better for all of you.

Sending hugs,

Mogs


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Risperdal .5mg/day & Lamictal 325 mg/day


proref20
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 3/26/2009 5:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mogs and thanks for the reply . . .
 
Upon getting to the office yesterday my wife said she was not going to talk. She has demonstrated the worst behavior ever . . .  drinking, (Possibly Drugging) not coming home not calling and then when she does come home she is either ridden with guilt or, it's everyone elses fault.
 
I kept my mouth shut for most of the session. She skirted around the issues and never got to deep . . . Maybe a defense mechanism so she does not have to get in to the "Good Stuff" She actually did all of the talking . . .  i really don't know who she is anymore . . . Lies lies lies . . . I used to pry but now I leave them alone. I am hurt but strong all in the same breath. She says she is taking her meds. However not on the schedule the Dr perscribed . . .   Our counsellor was going to set her up with an addiction specialist to see whats going on . . . 
 
I put my son on the school bus this morning, he is not opening up to much but I can see him beginning to resent his mother. i am lonely and affraid. I have a call in to our counsellor this morning so i can get some advice. Like I said, I did not say to much yesterday while I feel i did have a lot to say. But how much value and am I really going to add by listing all of the garbage that has gone on over the last 4 weeks . . .    i am working my al-anon program, praying for strenght from god. I only want to be happy and my wife to be safe and healthy . . .
 
 

Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 3/26/2009 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey proref;

I really feel for you. I know it is so tough right now. I can't imagine dealing with her condition plus an addiction on top of it. Good for you for starting to get yourself in order. Take care of you & it will help you to take care of her. That is probably where part of the "you're perfect" is coming from. It is probably a defence mechanism, she may be afraid that you are "leaving her behind" or something like that.

As far as getting her admitted, she definatly need some help, but unless she is a danger to herself or others, that is her choice. Try to go to the p-doc with her, & keep going to counseling together & DON'T CLAM UP! The info you give may be the only reliable info they get as to what is going on.

Try to talk to your son, he is old enough to know the truth, let him know that you are going to stick by his mother & try to get her help. Ask him to join you in trying to help her. Sadly though she has got to want to pull out of this herself, and it doesn't sound like she is ready to.

Best of luck to you,

Rocket 


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


proref20
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 3/27/2009 8:30 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Rocket,

Thanks for the kind words . . . We talked yesterday and she admits where she knows she has done damage. She says she is tired of being a "Foul-Up" but continues to medicate and or hurt herself. During a drunken night we got in to a shoving match (Something I should have avoided) But hold that single incident over my head like there is no tomorrow . . . While she has basically lied, cheated, stole etc . . . over the past few years . . .  Anyway . . . I am not trying to judge or quantify her bads vs mine . . . I called our counsellor and she basically said she is in a very serious case of denial where all of her problems are everyone elses fault from as far back as she can remember. I am trying to love her the best i can but it is not easy. I am really trapped . . . i did speak to a lawyer and he said I'm screwed . . . She has no life skills, not job etc . . . There would be a really good chance i would need to leave the house and pay child support and allimony??

Where I am the stable one in the relationship i can not afford having my son in that situation. Nor can I or she afford a lawyer right now . . .  I have hope and I pray. I am working my program (AlAnon) keeping busy. Live and let live, let go and let god. i do feel good where I know I am not contributing to the problem by fighting, arguing etc . . .  Most of my aswers are just a simple OK. I didn't cause it, i can't cure it and I can't control it . . .

She says she is going to get some help for her BP but refuses to go to AA or admit she has an addiction problem.

That's all for now . . . Thanks for the support

PR


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 3/28/2009 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey there,
 
Hope things are okay today.  You sure are brave, and I wish you didn't have to go through all of this.  I also wish that your wife would realize what she needs to do for herself, and for her family.  All I can say is that I hope things work out for you.  Keep going to your meetings, stay strong.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Risperdal .5mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day


proref20
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 3/30/2009 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   
hi mogs,
 
Another late night complete with the drugs and alcohol . . . Deny Deny Deny
 
Our counsellor is setting up an appointment with an addiction specialist and see where that goes. her P-Doc has also been provided the latest and greatest series of events . . . i guess i am the rat because my wife that is suffering only provides limited info during her sessions with him. It is the obvious in some cases. It has been said that her meds basically null and void while mixing with alcohol, while she states the doctor said one had no or little bearing on the other . . . deny, deny, deny . . . last night I wanted to die but today I have just a little bounce in my step. I don't have any family and feel quite alone. My friends (What one or 2 i have) don't understand and tend to judge . . . That hurts and I have no one to talk to. I have called our counsellor a couple of times and she has been a big help. i am doing the right things yet i have no control over the BP / Addict . . .  i just tryto do my best and keep busy.
 
that's all for now . . .
 
PR
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