I found out on Saturday that my wife wanted a separation after 12 years. I’ve been checked out on booze for years and the BP and rage made it all the worse. I was given chance after chance after chance to do something about it and I was never able to. I have always had to have my feet really held to the fire to learn any lessons and let me tell you that was one of them.
I have done a total 180 and 360 to get straight again but it’s only been a few days, not exactly proof enough when weighed against years of neglect and abuse. I died inside last Saturday.
Today i went to the therapist my wife and I have been seeing for years. She slipped that my wife has been having an affair. I jut died again, and this time I really died. That’s twice in the span of a few days. I don’t know how much more my heart can take. I just got done begging her to end it and she said no and she still wants the separation. We may try and work it out but I’m not going to have any preconceived notion about how it will turn out. I'll tell you the only thing keeping me from the extreme is my kids. I grew up without a dad and I know what that does. I don’t want that for my kids.
I’m probably going to be living in my car because I don’t know how I can afford an apartment and pay for a house I don’t even live in. Sure this isn’t my entire fault but most of it is. I have to accept that and move on the best I can. I honestly don’t know what I am going to do with all this spare time I will have. I spend all my time with my kids and working around the house. Maybe I should have been spending some of it with my wife? Jogging, seeing a movie, etc. I’ve been running away from her and our problems. I didn’t want to get confronted about the booze. Idle hands do the devils work. What do people do to wile away the hours of the day?