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Worried Mom19
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/25/2009 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello I am new here. My 19 year old son has been diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder. He has had problems since he was 6. he really doesnt get that illusions of grandur or things like that. He mostly gets extremly depressed. He does get manic somtimes but he get the happy giggley kind. Nothing crazy. Thats why I never know if he truely is BiPolar. He doesnt fit in with everything. We have gone down the medication highway more times that I can count. Nothing ever worked. He is now on 1800 mg of Trileptal. He has been for a few years now. I have him on Omega 3 and just started him on some Milk Thistle. He has a job on the weekends which is good but thinks that is fine and wont find one during the week. He does not like to take showers or brush his teeth. This infuriates me!!! I have gone to war over this quite a few times. Im just tired of it now. I pleaded to him yesterday to meet me half halway. He turned 19 this month and is no longer on my health insurance due to not being in school. He dropped out he wasant getting very far and he was more there to be social than anything. He is a good kid. I just worry for his future. His diet is poor. He has extreme acid reflux. I joined this group so that I could talk to others who may be fighting the same fight I am. My ex husband is also Bi Polar but I believe his has to do with years of drug abuse and alcholism. Im wondering if any adults with this disease could give me some advice to make my sons life a bit better for him and I. Thanks!

**I edited your post due to Forum Rule #1

1. No discussion of any illegal activity. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use).

Post Edited By Moderator (olivia of course) : 3/25/2009 1:43:55 PM (GMT-6)


LostInThought
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 3/25/2009 9:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Quote: My ex husband is also Bi Polar but I believe his has to do with years of drug abuse and alcholism.

Your ex husband is not BiPolar because he abused drugs and alcholism he abused drugs and was an alcoholic due to the fact that he suffered from BiPolar Disorder and this was his way of dealing with it.

Just as your son is abusing drugs!

Quote: Im wondering if any adults with this disease could give me some advice to make my sons life a bit better for him and I.

Unless your son has a developmental problem ie: downs, autism, ect then he should be viewed as an adult. You are a legal adult at 18yrs of age. You are required to register with the selective service if you are a male and you are expected to start edging toward your future of adulthood. This can be harder for someone that suffers from BPD.

If he is not in couseling for drug abuse and for his BPD then he needs to be. Sounds like he would benefit from a group support group. It would also benefit him to speak with a college guidance couselor. Figure out some of his interest and head him in the right direction.

I know a 18 yr old boy with BPD and if you hand him a wrench he can fix everything on a car and he is most content when he is doing it. It is his creative side kicking in. His mind is finding some calmness and he is at peace. He finally feels in control.

I feel this way when I'm drawing or writing.

If your treating him like a child you need to treat him like an adult that is your child. He will destroy your life if you let him. Trust me I do things to my family constantly.

I believe that people with BPD will also manipulate those that they love to get what they feel they need. They do this by using the disorder. Although we can say we can not help most things we do. The truth is we can. Counseling, medication, and developing a support team. I now tell people when I can't or don't want to do something so that they will make me.

Example: I don't want to go to therapy today. No, you really need to go and you know you do. Your right, I do need to go.
Example: I don't want to take my medication I'm fine now. There was nothing wrong with me that medication isn't working see I'm ok. Sometimes I need someone to say your fine because your taking the medication do you remember when you did such and such. I may not admit to it and I may get a bit disgruntled but I will know in my heart that I need to take the medication and do the right thing.

**I edited your post due to Forum Rule #1

1. No discussion of any illegal activity. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use).

Post Edited By Moderator (olivia of course) : 3/25/2009 1:44:48 PM (GMT-6)


Worried Mom19
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/25/2009 12:27 PM (GMT -7)   
He takes his meds everyday. Heis only on one. Trileptal, an anti seizure med that somehow stablizes mood. I always view him as an adult. He will not go to counseling. He has fought it all his life. He has gone in the past and will just sit there so "no one can getin his head". He never says he cant do anything because he can do everything. He is extremely intelligent and was always bored in school. He has a job and a girlfriend (not so sure she is any better). She sort of follows his lead blindly. I know he has self esteem issues which I was kind of shocked about since he is quite good looking. I do say things like no you need to this or this, makes no difference to him. He flat out refuses to do it and nothing will make him. Thanks for your input. As far as my ex husband is concerned, we met when we were 13. Married at 18. Never saw any problems until years after his drug abuse. I guess I will never really know what would have been if he never started.

**I edited your post due to Forum Rule #1

1. No discussion of any illegal activity. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use).

Post Edited By Moderator (olivia of course) : 3/25/2009 1:46:08 PM (GMT-6)


BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 3/25/2009 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Worried Mom19,
I can feel your pain about someone you love possibly throwing their life away because they won't work on how to live with BP. My husband suffers from BP (mania only though) so I kind of know what you are going through. All you want him to do is help himself to be the person he truly is.

My husband won't go to counseling either and after this last manic episode I decided that I needed to go to help myself. Between that and this board it's been helpful. Nothing has dramatically changed but at least I am learning on how to deal with the situation at hand.

Definitely read all the posts here and hopefully you'll get some advice.

I'm thinking of you and wish you and your son all the best.

BP Wife

Worried Mom19
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/25/2009 7:15 PM (GMT -7)   
I think when something is edited it should be changed example !@#$ not deleted.

LostInThought
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 3/26/2009 6:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Worried,

As far as your husband goes sometimes bipolar disorder does not show itself until later in life. Or sometimes it has showed itself earlier but is not as out there later in life. So, I would still say he was dealing with the situation in a different way. He probably new for a while that something was wrong.
There was a point in my 20's where I was going out every night because I couldn't take what was going on in my head and I could not figure out why it was there.
Until he wants help you can not help him. I have fought help for along time. There was a time when I was younger that I refused counseling I would go sit there. If I got bored I would ask the doctor stupid questions to mess with his head. Or so I thought that is what I was doing. You could try a family intervention if you feel that his life is in danger. Talk to his girlfriend you could use her as a tool in his recovery. She is your key inside those locked doors. Befriend her let her know your worried and tell her your afraid for him and that you just want him to get help so he can be productive and you all can be a stable family. Let her know that this recovery will help their future in the aspect that if they decide to get married some day you want them to have a stable life and a stable family.
I know that if I'm going to trust anyone at all in this world its going to be my husband. He's been with me since I was 16 yrs old. Yes there are times I got it in my head I didn't trust him but it always came back to the person who dealt with me and was there. I don't trust my parents, few friends I have, or anyone else in this world. But, I have always trusted that person that I felt was there for me through thick and thin.

I would almost bet that is what his girlfriend is to him and that it would be important for you to build an alliance with her. Take it slow and don't be negative to her. It may be your only way in.

Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 3/26/2009 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey worried,

Welcome to our forum. I hope you can find some of the answers you need here. I know you are really struggling right now in dealing with your son. It is hard to see someone you care about going thru this & nothing you do helps them. Sadly though, that is his choice. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. The main thing you can do is not enable or encourage his behavior. That is a tough thing to do (especially for a mother I would guess) when you care for someone so deeply, but you have to realize that you are not helping them  by doing this. It may be time for some tough love. Let him know that his choices (and 99% of this is his choice) have consequenses, if he refuses to get help & continue his substance abuse then you refuse to subsidize it by giving him a free ride. But if he chooses to straiten up & clean up & get back in school, or get a full time job(understandibly something not easy to do right now)  you will help him all you can. But the choice is his.

Best wishes to you,

Rocket

P.S. I agree with you. Talk of illegal activity in the proper context should not be deleted. Saying that you, your spouce or loved one has a problem with an illegal drug should be no different then if you said they or you have a problem with alchohol, or that they or you are becoming violent.  This is supposed to be an open forum & unfortunatly illegal drug use is a very common trait of this disorder. By deleting parts of their posts that are relavent to their behavoir, they are possibly getting denied the answer they are looking for.


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"

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