Can anyone Understand?

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weirdspace
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 3/25/2009 7:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I recently sought help for depression in Jan but I also have this other side of me that was literally destroying me and I couldn't take it anymore. The dr I saw said bipolar but long story short she didn't really elaborate, I had my 2.5yr old with me so it was very distracting. I didn't get the answers I needed at the time but I was very optimistic about the meds prescribed because of my symptoms. And I often wondered if I could be. So in all this time I've been looking up as much information as I could about bipolar, mostly looking at hypomania or bpII because I don't fit in with full blown mania. But everything I've been reading I can't relate to and it didn't describe what I was feeling. So for some reason today I decided to look up the symptoms for anxiety and I have almost all of them. (GAD) So I wanted to describe to you all what I experience just to get your advice. I'm going back to the Dr on the 10th because I need a higher dose in my meds because they haven't been working in the last month and I had planned to ask a lot of questions because I'm desperate to know what's happening with me. This is what I experience: I have a racing mind, I think about everything and it almost feels like my mind is in a frenzy and I talk to myself outloud because it helps to get it out. I literally get headaches because of my racing thoughts. I worry, I feel stressed,tense unable to relax I feel like I can't just sit down I have to be moving and all I want to do is focus or dwell on what I'm thinking about and I can't focus or concentrate on normal everday things. I get irritable and naseas (spelling?). I almost feel a sense of hyperness in the center of my body and I can't calm it down. I procrastinate a lot and once I do finally sit down I'm exhausted. I don't want to sound like I'm a walking crazy person but these are my symptoms.  I also suffer from depression and feeling this way leads me to the depression because I literally hate myself because I'm like this. But I also have other issues that cause depression. Could this be anxiety? I've looked up OCD and I don't have any compulsions or the symptoms of OCD obession thoughts.  I can't have a "normal" day ever when I experience this other side of me. I am so lost as to what this is, mania anxiety? I just cannot relate to anything I read about mania. I do not feel happy at all when I'm like this. I also can feel totally normal when I'm around other people or if I'm out and about but once I'm alone this is the way I am. Sometimes it leads me to believe I can control it because it just doesn't make sense that it only seems to happen when I'm alone and isolated. I know talking with my Dr will be my best outcome for the info I'm seeking but I have nobody to turn to right now. Anyway, thanks for any insight!


Sought help Jan 2009
Taking 100mg Lamictal and 25mg Strattera.
 

Post Edited (wishdreamhope) : 3/25/2009 8:23:34 PM (GMT-6)


LittleGoat
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 3/26/2009 12:19 AM (GMT -7)   
you sound like when i was diagnosed with bi polor type2 but that was a long time ago. i havent been in treatment for like 5 years because they were making me fat and i hated all the doctors for that. lol. try to get a sitter when you go back to the doctor. i know i cant concentrate AT ALL when i have my 2 anda half year old with me lol.
no blood.. no foul.


olivia of course
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 3/26/2009 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
wishdreamhope,

When people think of bipolar, they always think that when a person is manic they are creative; but there is also a chaotic side. From what you described, you may have symptoms of hypomania; but we are not here to diagnose anyone. You should definitely discuss your symptoms with your pdoc the next time you go there. Racing thoughts, irritability and the sense of restlessness are usually not symptoms of anxiety/depression. So you should get that checked out, and please give us an update on how things go.

Olivia
Olivia
Bipolar Co-Moderator
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Only by seeking challenges can we hope to find the best in ourselves. ~Robert Rodriguez

Don't let your yesterday ruin your today.
 
 


weirdspace
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 3/26/2009 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I know nobody here can give me a diagnosis, that wasn't what I was looking for. Just wanted to come to a place to see if anybody can relate or tell me what they think. How come everything I read about mania even hypomania leads it to being a "happy" thing or "eurphoric" feeling? I do not feel that. Can you give me any info on this "chaotic" stuff? Or point me to a link? If not no biggie, the only thing I can do is wait for my Dr's appt obviously.
Sought help Jan 2009
Taking 100mg Lamictal and 25mg Strattera.
 


poodles
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 180
   Posted 3/28/2009 1:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I can totally relate to the feelings you described. Sometimes, when the mania rears its very ugly head, I get euphoric for a short time...I am reckless, and overly happy/excited...but with a feeling of desperation underlying it. Does that make sense?
And then I fall into the chaotic part...irritability, an inability to settle down, not being able to be satisfied with anything, an anxious feeling, irrational anger, or other irrational feelings/actions.
This always drives me to extreme fatigue, as I also have fibromyalgia.
My doc put me on a drug called Geodon. It has helped even my moods out considerably. I hope you find the help you need, and very soon.
Vickie
Fibromyalgia, Bipolar Disease, Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, Clinical Depression, Arthritis, High Blood Pressure, etc.
Who ever knew I would be defined by my diseases??

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