BP Spouse is feeling disconnected, is there anything I can do to help?

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ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 3/26/2009 2:25 PM (GMT -7)   
My wife's medicine was becoming less effective and she was almost constantly manic. Her doctor upped her meds last week, and now she is depressed and feeling disconnected from everyone but me.

Besides providing a safe, caring place, love, a low-stress environment, and a non-judgmental ear to when she wants one, is there anything I can do to help her through this phase?

Trigirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 768
   Posted 3/26/2009 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Sounds like you are being amazing to me. Keep up the good work. I'm sure someone will have some good suggestions.

LostInThought
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 3/26/2009 5:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Maybe they need to change her medication but WOW what support! Keep up the good work!

ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 3/27/2009 6:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the kind words. It is only recently (after coming back from the brink of divorce) that I truly realized the impact of BP on her life and started providing her the support she needs.

Its good to hear I am on the right path.

Rocketman
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 3/27/2009 7:24 AM (GMT -7)   

theronson;

Keep doing what you are doing & give the new meds some time. It may take a few weeks for them to fully work properly.

best wishes,

Rocket


"The struggles make you stronger, and the changes make you wise, and happiness has it's own way of taking it's sweet time.
Gary Allan- From "Life Ain't Always Beutiful"


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 3/27/2009 12:12 PM (GMT -7)   

Theronson,

You are on the right track and your wife is very lucky to have such wonderful support!

How long has she been on this new medication adjustment?  It would be good to watch her and not let the depression go too long without urging her to contact her pdoc for his/her input on the matter. Just my opinion.

Wishing you both all the best! blush


~sukay~
 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 3/27/2009 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
I can understand the "better understanding" of your spouces BP after being on the brink of divorce - that's what it took for me to understand my DH as well. My advice is only like the others, let the meds take effect and if you see no change in a couple weeks say, then call her p doc!
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


maggiern
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 4/4/2009 1:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I can not say enough about how it makes me so happy and supported to hear that other spouse help and love their bp spouse.  Thank you!

Tuff love
New Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 4/6/2009 1:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Go to a couples spa retreat, dinner and walks outside. :)

Congrats on the love and care you are offering.

ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 7/8/2009 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Three months later and my wife has just admitted that the feelings of disconnection have continued to grow.

She continues to be affectionate, she's not abusive, cold or cruel. She admits that it takes an effort to do this. Fortunately since she is doing it. Perhaps because we were inches from completing a divorce less than six months ago, she still feels she needs to meet her commitments. I guess the why doesn't matter so much as the fact that she is still trying.

I'm wondering about everyone's experience with emotional distance or disconnection coming from the bipolar person in the relationship. Do you think its the disease or the medicine? What can be done to minimize it so the relationship isn't destroyed?

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/8/2009 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi theronson,

My guess is it's the disease, not the medicine -- although the medicine can definitely affect the libido. I have had periods where I've had to really work on showing interest and commitment to my husband, not because I didn't love him -- I always have -- but because I felt disconnected from everything. And that's the disorder. But because my marriage is important to me, I did make an effort even through it was very hard. Maybe your wife is experiencing something similar.

What can be done to minimize it: try not to push it if you can. She will heal as her mood shifts and she will come around to herself again. She will come back to you completely. If she loves you enough to work at it now, she is not going anywhere. And she will appreciate it if you trust her enough to just let her be. Be honest with her, tell her you love her, want her to stay with you, that you're not going anywhere, and that she can trust you. And that's pretty much all you can do. Wait out the mood swings. Hope the medicine works sooner rather than later. Get her to the best psych you can.

I hope this is helpful,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/8/2009 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I always seem to have the stupid advise, but like I always say, it worked for me. When I started to have trouble such as you wife is having, my wife would take me fishing. Not just to the bank of a pond fishing. But in a bass boat on a large lake. Just her and me. Enjoying something as relaxing and fun for both of us. If you don't like to fish, just go out in a boat and don't put a hook on your line.

Cap
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.


ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 7/8/2009 10:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Serafina - Thank you for the perspective. I have many faults and one of them is continuing to pick at things, worrying them until they get worse. I know it does the exact opposite of what I want. This time I have pretty much done everything done what you suggested.

CapninHapin - Its good advice. While fishing doesn't appeal, what you are saying to me is to find an activity, event, location, etc. that has deep meaning to her and be together in a way that reinforces the bond.

Thank you both.

Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 7/11/2009 11:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Theronson.  I feel your pain man.  Tonight I had to practically beg and drag my bp hubby out on a date.  He's been in a funk for some days now and I so desperately want him to connect with me like we once were.  darn illness is ruining my life!!!! UGH!!!!  I hate it!!!! 
 
I'm so tired of feeling like a an unloved wife.  I'm emotionally deprived.  I keep being patient with my H and I keep trying to do my part in this relationship, but then life happens and then it all goes to hell.  
 
I feel like I live with a roommate who helps me raise our children.  This sucks.  Now I'm feeling sorry for myself.  I'm not  helping you.  Sorry.  I'm going to sleep now... alone.
 
-whyus    
 


ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 7/12/2009 11:34 AM (GMT -7)   
You have my sympathy Whyus.

All the advice from others about having your own life and taking care of yourself makes perfect sense, but it is so hard to apply in real life while also trying to be the supportive spouse. So much of my life has been wrapped up in being with her and focused on her, that I almost don't know where to begin.

mat0703gizmo
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/13/2009 8:58 PM (GMT -7)   
I am Bipolar with ADHD & OCD, my Spouse is just as caring as you are and that has to be a struggle for you both.. I am going through rapid cycling right now, he is worried as well as my Doctor.. I don't know which way is up and hate to continue to be a burden on his life.. I don't know what to do! Keep up the GREAT SUPPORT she really needs you..
Mat0703gizmo


mat0703gizmo
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/13/2009 9:01 PM (GMT -7)   
WOW, Whyus.. That is pretty deep.. I hope I am not putting my spouse through such manic hell.. I hope he isn't feeling like you are.. Now, I am even more depressed! Why me??
Mat0703gizmo


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/14/2009 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mat0703gizmo,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. It's good to have you.

It's one of the harder facts for those of us with the disorder -- our loved ones do suffer from the effects of our disorder just as we do. But they stay with us because they love and value us. We owe it to them to do the best we can to get well.

You say your doctor is worried about you as well. What does your doc recommend for treatment? Are you complying with your treatment plan?

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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