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Kimberly88
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 4/1/2009 9:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello~ My husband and I was married October 16, 2008, after a very rocky engagement. He has cheated on me, would continue emailing, texting, sending & receiving nude pictures from other women, before we was married.  He no longer has text or pix messaging on his phone, and can only use the internet while I am home. Due to his spending sprees, and writing bad checks, he is only allowed spending cash. I have four kids that are with us full time, and he has 2 kids that are with us every other weekend. On Oct. 19th he hit rock bottom, after being gone all night, me not know where he was, he was behind the wheel and very mad at the world. He returned home flung a grocery bag out the window saying they was shells, and he had his guns, then took off again. He returned about 20 minutes later shotgun in hand, knocking on the door, I looked thru the window saw what he was doing, he was loading the gun! He wanted me to watch him commit suicide! I called 911, so scared that I would hear the "bang", he heard me talking to the dispatcher, so he ran to his car and took off, he was drunk, with a loaded gun & now behind the wheel!  God was really looking down on us that day, and pretty much placed him into the policemen's hands, he gave up without a fight, was aressted for DWI, and driving while suspended. He was in jail over night, and I knew he would be released in the morning! That really scared me knowing what he had just put me through, so I filled out papers to have him comitted. It was something I had to do for my safety, and my kids'. He was in the hospital 3 days, they started him on Trazodone and celexa. The trazodone helped him sleep, for awhile but then he started having night mares. I felt so alone, still do at times.  I would try to reach out to his counselor for help on what to do during his episodes, all she would say is "I will document it, and discuss it with him at our next meeting "WOW thank you so much, I would be in tears talking to her, and nothing! After his hospital stay, the next time he was scheduled to see his Doctor wasn't for 3 MONTHS, yes 3!  3 VERY long months! cry   One night in December I called the hospital they recommended for me to bring him in for a med change, had to get him to agree to it! They put him on seroquel, wrong choice for him wow! Got him off that. He finally got in to see his doctor, he put him on Lamictal in January.  Me still feeling VERY alone, I finally got help when I called and talked to one of the doctor's nurses at the mental health center, she has been a blessing! She got him back in to see the doctor in Feb.  due to all his episodes. He has a court advocate due to him being comitted, she called one morning on his cell phone that he left in the van due to him being so mad at me, I answered it, she asked how things was going, well she got the whole story, so she was at the appointment in feb. with the doctor & nurse that has been a blessing. His lamictal was increased. Recently they put him on Zyprexa also, and took him off the Trazodone. We got him a new counselor, the other one wasn't helpful at all, but the wait to see him is a long wait! It is a shame how long it takes to see a mental health doctor or counselor, we was falling thru the crackes until I was on the phone to everyone, reaching for help!
My husband can be so mean and hateful, saying things that you would say to someone that you hated. He is verbally abusive, has been physically abusive. He will take off walking, no matter what the temp. out, even 27 below 0! I have to drive him due to his DWI, this being his 2nd.  Anyway I get to his work that is 24 miles away from our home, he has either refused a ride or would make me wait for him. One night I waited for 2 hours with a blizarrd warning. I made 3 trips trying to pick him up from his work in one night, that night he started walking in 50 below wind chill, he was out in it for over a hour! He will refuse rides and walk no matter the distance or the weather. I am so tired of being his Yo-yo!  He will tell me to be there, but when I get there he wont get in with me.
Most days it takes everything I have just to get through the day, it is so physically & mentally draining! The "Good" days are few and far between, but they are what hold me together, cuz I know the loving, caring man he CAN be when not in a episode.  Here is a little taste into my life the last 5 months since we discovered he had bipolar. You have any questions for me, please feel free to ask!

Kimberly88
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 4/1/2009 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   

Yesterday my husband told me that I was HOLDING HIM BACK, holding him back in progressing in his theraphy!?  That I keep him caged like an animal!  This is all during another episode I know, but all I do is stand by him, support him, get him to his appts.,and back and forth to work. I spend more time in the van and on the road then anywhere else!  It is been since Feb. but yesterday he started again acussing me of sleeping around, calling me a ****, just being hateful! sad

Looking for input & help!

Kimberly


LostInThought
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 4/1/2009 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
leave take the kids and leave

Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 4/1/2009 10:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kimberly88.  Not to be rude or disprespectful of what you are going through at the moment, but if it started off rocky and there was cheating before you got married and things got worse after you got married, why are you even in this relationship?  Doesn't sound like the man is going to change or do anything to make a better life for you and him.  I agree with LIT.  Take the kids and leave.  Good luck.
 


LittleGoat
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 4/1/2009 11:16 PM (GMT -7)   
wow. you are very strong. your husband sounds like my father but my father wont take anything you give to me..
how do you get him to take medicine?
no blood.. no foul.


Kimberly88
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 4/2/2009 7:23 AM (GMT -7)   

I may be very strong on the outside, but I am falling apart on the inside, and if I slow down to think about it, I break down in tears! I guess I am blessed that way because he is willing to take his meds, though I had found a stash of his HBP meds in a sock in his drawer! But he is taking all his other ones thankfully!

 

Another memeber quoted Gary Alan's song "Life Ain't Always Beautiful", I love that song, some days it really keeps me going! It is very true!

Thanks for your reply!

Kimberly

 


Kimberly88
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 4/2/2009 7:32 AM (GMT -7)   

Whyus~

I know what you mean, and it is not the first time I have been told that. Cuz god knows if the shoe was on the other foot I would be giving the same advice to friend. Besides I know his heart, and that he does truly loves me, I can't answer that.....Why you may ask, well I have thought of sending him packing many of times, and how much happier & less stressed I would be. Then guilt sets in cuz he has no place to go, no family in the area.  And I do love him, I would have to considering all I have been through.

Thanh you for your honesty!

Kimberly


Jondoe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 4/2/2009 10:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Leave today. There are shelters all over the country that will take you in if you have no money and nowhere to go. Every day you stay there you're risking your own life and the lives of your children.

If everything you wrote is true, he will not change.

Pack a bag and drive away. Not tomorrow, today.

LostInThought
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 4/2/2009 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   
You know even I told her to leave but the reality of life is the way the economy is people can't just throw everything away. More and more people are staying married just to survive. They probably have houses, cars, ect., together. My niece went through this with her Bipolar husband. Once she gave him an ultimatium he finally straightened up and started taking the meds going to therapy and mirage counseling.
I would give him some ultimatiums and if he really loves you and the kids he'll try to fix himself or he'll do you all a favor and walk away that would also show true love. Then you would have no guilt and nothing would be your fault. Because that is what it comes down to, right? Not feeling guilty for things that you should not have to. I know I would not want to feel guilty for things that weren't my fault but I do it all the time. See I deal with my Bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder much differently than most people. I shut myself off. I was your husband several years ago and then the pain got so intense from the guilt of hurting and feeling that everyone was hurting me I pushed it deep down and swallowed it. I write in a journal and I constantly tell myself you can't be upset, you can't be angry, you can't hurt those you love it is better to push all of it down and be sad and hurt yourself then it is to hurt others. It's the ultimate sacrifice. I know my family would be better off without me most families that have to deal with bipolar people like myself that refuse to take their medication no matter what the reason would be better off without us. True? Absolutely! You see I have convinced myself that I am afraid of medication. I have read so many things on the internet and in books that I now have a severe phobia of the stuff. I also have migraines and when I have to take something for them I can't sleep because I think I'm not going to wake up. See I have suicidal thoughts and I spent most of the day wondering why medication scares me so badly why I am afraid that it might kill me when there are times I really want to perish. The reason being is because I'm a control freak and I don't want to be in a car crash or have an accidental death I want to be in control of it.
Here's the other problem I can remember throwing things lashing out at my husband wondering if he was cheating on me. I still wonder but I don't lash out of him. Can I control keeping my mouth shut because I am stronger than your husband no because with enough practice you can teach yourself anything. I think the fact that I don't just suffer from Bipolar disorder and that I also have other problems. Like the fact that I am paranoid due to the borderline personality disorder then it helps me deal with the bipolar disorder even though I'm not taking medication and yes I should be taking the medication. I know I should I actually have a decently high IQ and I am intelligent enough to judge right from wrong but I have all these counter theories for why it would not be right for me to do the right thing and instead I choose what most say is the wrong thing so that I can be right.
Your husband needs help I'll agree that your in danger it's not going to get better. I'm trying to get help and if I can try I know he can. People have told me I'm crazy all my life that my thoughts aren't normal that the way I do things are not normal. It's true my thought process can be dangerous at times and I'm sure your husbands is as well. He needs help he needs to stick with it. He doesn't have a choice if he wants to stick around he should not make you guys miserable in the process.
Good Luck

Jondoe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 4/2/2009 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Lostinthought,

I agree with your sentiment, but physical abuse + gunplay means get out. Period. Living with four kids in a shelter for a little while does sound horrible, but certainly it beats the alternative?

To the original poster, it's time. I've done some volunteer work and seen some horrible things. He or you or both of you are more than likely going to end up dead or at least seriously injured. If you weren't raising children I'd say it was your choice, but in reality, you need to put them first.

You can try and rationalize staying however you want, but putting your children's physical well-bing on the line can't be the right choice.

LostInThought
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 44
   Posted 4/2/2009 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Tell people what they want to hear subconsciously mix in things they don't want to hear. Stir and let them figure out that those things that they want to hear are for their own self comfort from the reality that the things that they dont' want to hear is only the truth.
Ultimately you know right from wrong and you know what to do take all this and let us know that your ok in the future. Summer is coming send your kids away to camp or to the grandparents til you figure this all out.
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